Bro posts Craigslist ad seeking sexy girls at fantasy draft for ‘pretty average’ friends

Ready to party?

Hey ladies in the Albany area, check your calendar for 7 p.m. on Thursday, August 14. According to a Craigslist ad (that has, not surprisingly, been flagged for removal), there’s a great opportunity to host a fantasy football draft party for this guy (above, as originally shown in the posting) and his "pretty average group" of about 12 guys.

All you have to do is manage the draft. Thing is, you have to "do it all in a bikini, or lingerie or some sexy outfit of your choice."

These kind of inquiries pop up every draft season, but the language of this one was so curious, and the inclusion of his own pictures a humorous touch, that it merited a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis.

The man wrote:

Every year I host a fantasy football party/draft in Saratoga and usually have two girls run our draft board and serve drinks. Last year I moved to Houston so I am trying to find two girls in advance before I fly home for a week for the party.

Okay, so it’s a draft and a party and he’s planning ahead. Regardless of how you feel about a private draft with hired cocktails waitresses, you have to admit this guys has got his act together. 

The job includes running the draft board, getting guys drinks, and of course doing it all in a bikini, or lingerie or some sexy outfit of your choice. We are not too picky. We do not hire strippers for the event because some of the guys are older and have wives and kids and feel a little weird HOWEVER we will tip and some of the guys will tip if you push the envelope. If you want to go topless that is your incentive and I’m sure you could make good tips doing it but it is not expected.

This is getting confusing. Does he want a girl in a bikini or lingerie or naked?! Some of the guys are married and I can assure you half of their wives do not know there are strippers (but maybe not strippers) serving drinks to Drunk Frankie and the rest of the crew, leading to one of them drafting a kicker in the 8th round. I like how he leaves the door open for toplessness, just playing it cool. 

The group is a pretty average group of guys. 12 of us in total ranging from probably 25 years old to 55 years old.

Here he’s trying to assure prospective entertainers that they won’t end up on the news on Aug. 15. They’re regular dudes with jobs and definitely not murderers.

Our draft party is scheduled for Thursday, August 14 around 7 PM and will probably last 4 hours.

Seems reasonable.

If interested I would ask that you and your friend be available to meet someone from the group at least once before I fly home just to verify you are legit and serious about entertaining the party. If I don’t have two girls lined up and come through for us it would be a nightmare for me.

A nightmare?! This is a matter of life and death!!! You do NOT want to see Frankie during a draft without a sexy girl working the draft board. 

Usually we only tip the girls so I can’t say for sure what you would make but I would guarantee as a minimum $150 for each girl. I would promise at least that much out of my own pocket to make your time worthwhile.

This is an awkward negotiation he’s having with himself. 

Serious inquiries only please. Include pictures in your email and please make sure you can commit to the 14th of August.

Dude, just go to Hooters.

[H/T Deadspin]