National Football League

NFL Truths: Zorn should embrace bizarre role

Published Oct. 29, 2009 7:20 p.m. ET

Jason Whitlock

Dear Jason:

I really enjoyed the Limbaugh and Steve Phillips columns last week. But if you don't write an NFL Truths column this week, I'm dumping you for Jay Glazer.

Sincerely,

Brooke Hundley

10. Well, we know what costume Jim Zorn is wearing for Halloween: He's dressing up as an NFL head coach.

downlevel descriptionThis video requires the Adobe Flash Player. Download a free version of the player.

He's grabbing a magic marker, a clipboard, throwing on a headset and he'll stand in the corner at someone's Halloween party doodling little notes to himself.

During the Redskins' Monday night matchup with the Eagles, my sources tell me Zorn spent the three hours working on his honey-do list. Immediately after the game, Zorn was spotted at a 24-hour Home Depot picking up a shower head.

Is Zorn really going to put himself through this nine more times?

I know the money is awesome, but 27 more hours of televised footage that Daniel Snyder has stolen your manhood is not the right look for a man with pride. By December, HBO might start televising Redskins games and calling them an "OZ" spinoff with Snyder playing the role of Simon Adebisi.

Had Snyder forced Zorn to elevate one of his assistants to offensive coordinator, Zorn could've easily retained some dignity and pride. But by whisking 67-year-old Sherman Lewis away from a Detroit bingo parlor and handing him play-calling duties, Snyder made it personal and damaging to Zorn's credibility.

Snyder has no respect for Jim Zorn. Zero. Zilch.

OK, I'm going to assume Zorn is tolerating the abuse for the welfare of his family. He's collecting a few million and can't afford to quit. I'd force Snyder to fire me. Every time I'd address the media, I'd bring up the absurdity of the current situation.

If a reporter asked me about the offense: "Hey, guys, I don't call the plays. I wear a headset and doodle during the games."

If a reporter asked me about being 2-5: "Hey, guys, I wear a headset and doodle. That's a question Mr. Snyder and Vinny Cerrato can answer."

The Washington Post loves to take potshots at the Redskins. The Post would totally support Zorn. He's a victim of Snyder's immaturity.

9. Jon Gruden continues to disappoint on "Monday Night Football."

Gruden is high energy and you can tell he loves the game, but Ron Jaworski already has that role covered. The "MNF" booth needs a tough guy, a loose cannon willing to say whatever comes to his mind.

Gruden always struck me as a loose cannon. He took on Al Davis and won. He took on Keyshawn Johnson and won. Gruden's commentary on "MNF" is just too tame.