I was not among the 800,000 viewers who tuned in to the debut of E!'s "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?"
Nor was I among the 300,000 who tuned in for the season finale, which has turned out to be the series finale.
I write that not as a point of pride — actually, yes I do — but as a way of saying that I can only guess the reasons why the just-canceled show was not popular.
A list of uneducated guesses . . .
• Ryan Lochte is not funny.
• Even by the subterranean standards of reality television, the script was too obvious and boring . . . and the acting was too bad.
• Nobody cares what Ryan Lochte would do.
• Ryan Lochte refused to marry Kim Kardashian.
• Ryan Lochte never could come up with a definition for Ryan Lochte beyond "Ryan Lochte."
• Not an Olympic year.
