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The arrival of National Signing Day means dedicating too much attention to young pups yet to attend their senior prom as a means of aiding our football withdrawals. Yes, star rankings matter. No, not many of these recruits will make an instant impact next season.
Instead, let’s take a look at the names! Like Equanimeous St. Brown, Silverberry Mouhon, Dee Liner and Eddie McDoom before them, these recruits could all go pro in something other than football. So I decided to offer categories instead of traditional positional rankings. It took significant scouring of Scout.com to compile all of them; I'd recommend it if you are fantastically bored.
You may hear some of these names called in the coming years. You will likely not hear many more of them. That's all the more reason to appreciate them now. So, whether the recruit is signing with Tennessee or Tennessee Martin, Alabama or Alabama State, here are the best names of the class of 2017.
Captains
Ye’Majesty Sanders
DeeJay Dallas
Trevor Brohard
Kymbotric Mason
Cement shoes division
Santino Marchiol
Carlito Gonzalez
Dante Sparaco
Tommy DeVito
Dominic Pastucci
Nicolo DiFronzo
Cheyenne Labruzza
Texarkana City Council division
Woodford Lankford
Sherman Timbs
Cutter Leftwich
Major Tennison
Maverick Wolfley
Hayden Howerton
Thayer Munford
Notre Dame passed on this guy? division
Tommy Christ
Action movie villains division
Rutger Reitmaier
Kaiser Carleton
Remington Lutz
Braxton Ransaw
Bryson Powers
Harrison Loveless
Action movie heroes division
Lakendrick VanZandt
Creed Humphrey
Waynmon Steed
Legend Brumbaugh
Axel Nyembwe
Stone Edwards
RIP Pimp C division
Alex Leatherwood
Smooth jamz division
Saahdiq Charles
Phidarian Mathis
Biaggio Ali-Walsh
Chaz Ah You
Legends of Rockabilly division
Jimmy Jaggers
Mac Hippenhammer
Charlie Kuhbander
Peyton Hendershot
Obie Ricumstrict
Dresser Wynn
Thomas Pynchon protagonist division
Charleston Rambo
Phazione McClurge
Shantavis Vardaman
Dazz Newsome
DeCavilon Reese
Holden Hotchkiss
Deommodore Lenoir
“Wait, isn't that my UPS guy's name?” division
Dennis Bardwell
Russ Yeast
Noah Bean
Adult film cast division
Seth Boomer
Walker Wood
Latrell Bumphus
Broc Bando
Zane Zandler
Plaquemines Parish Police Department division
Briggs Bourgeois
Bernard Goodwater
Bentley Hanshaw
Creston Cooledge
Old Testament pain division
Hezekiah Jones
Zechariah Byrd
The repeater division
Poutasi Poutasi
Mohamud Mohamud
'Literally, not seriously' division
Dontae Bull
Ameer Speed
Deandre Swift
Tayon Fleet-Davis
Consonant chaos division
Shon’Derious Sprallings
Quazzel White
D’Najee Whosendove
Ammon Hannemann
Zacchaeus McKinney
Xazavian Valladay
Once-recalled governors of California division
Gray Davis
Corporate marketing division
Lavante Epson
Octavius Pringle
Kenderick Marbles
Glorious, but miscellaneous division
Osiris St. Brown
Kevaughn Dingle
Braxton Burmeister
Nick Brahms
Weldrekious Parker
Drake Puffenbarger
Shawn Shamburger
LaDarius Dickens
Baylon Spector
Zalontae Hillery
Onesimus Lutu-Clarke
Tabyous Casterberry
Gregor MacKellar
Ja’Sir Taylor
