Major League Baseball

Pettitte appears uncertain about future

Published Feb. 4, 2011 12:00 a.m. ET

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Bob Klapisch

Yankee fans who were disappointed (OK, heartbroken) to hear that Andy Pettitte had finally retired were ready for closure on Friday, when the lefthander flew to New York for his final press conference.

The vigil was over; the goodbye speech — 3 1/2 months in the making — would be delivered, and Pettitte would ride off into that wide open space called the rest of his life. The Yankees, with only three-fifths of a starting rotation, would have to tend to their deficits. But at least they knew better than to keep waiting for Pettitte’s rescue.

So what did this latter-day Whitey Ford do? He retired — mostly. He promised he was done — probably. And he dropped the biggest tease of all, saying the door was open to 2012. Kind of.

Confused? So is Pettitte, who revealed just how deeply conflicted he was, pulling the plug on a career that was on the cusp of Hall of Fame consideration. When Pettitte said, “you never say never” about a comeback, it was enough to thrill his loyalists who still couldn’t believe he was gone. And it probably drove the Yankee front office a little crazy, having yet to hear a concrete answer to the day’s most relevant question: Why?

Instead, Pettitte tried to describe how his competitive gene had “changed” since last season, that his burning desire to win was, if not extinguished, simmering at a lower temperature. Pettitte had tried everything to kick-start the engine, including an intense workout-and-throwing program in January that only further muddied the waters. Pettitte’s arm felt great, his body felt young. All systems were being green-lighted.

In fact, as recently as two weeks ago, Pettitte informed the Yankees he was “seriously considering” joining the team in spring training. Once there, he told reporters, “it would’ve been impossible to say no” to another season.

But Pettitte kept returning to a nagging doubt, a sense that the simple lines of his career had been re-arranged. The adrenaline rush had vanished, replaced by weariness of another summer away from home, another year of road trips, and fighting the laws of nature, the ones make it nearly impossible for a 38-year-old athlete to stay healthy over a 162-game season.

To all that, the Yankees nodded and said: yes, we understand. Pettitte had earned the right to retire on his timetable. He certainly didn’t need to muster a more tangible excuse, if he couldn’t find one. After 240 regular season victories, and 19 more in the postseason, Pettitte had written his way into the history books, if not Cooperstown.

Yet, there enough lingering questions that made you wonder what, exactly, had been bothering Pettitte since Oct. 22, the last time he took off his uniform. It was after Game 6 of the AL Championship Series against the Rangers, when Pettitte first started answering questions about retirement. He said, simply, he needed time to reflect. And so the clock started ticking.

It’s anyone’s guess whether Pettitte started working the calculus of Roger Clemens’ upcoming federal trial, scheduled to begin in July. Pettitte said, “(the legal entanglement) hasn’t crossed my mind even once,” although he had to know, even subliminally, the peace and relaxation he seeks in retirement can never be fully realized as long as the Rocket is fighting perjury charges.

Like it or not, Pettitte will soon be drawn into Clemens’ hell. He’ll be the government’s star witness, asked for testimony that could very well put the Rocket in jail. Clemens’ freedom depends on the outcome of that trial, which is why he’ll do everything possible to undermine his former-friend’s credibility.

Clemens started his campaign when he told Congress Pettitte had “mis-remembered” their alleged conversation in 1999 about using HGH.

Pettitte has to know Clemens’ defense will only become more aggressive in court, which begs another piercing question: what, exactly, does Clemens know that could’ve spooked Pettitte?

Maybe this is why Pettitte can speak vaguely about pitching again in 2012, by which time Clemens’ trial will presumably be over. A Yankee official texted a simple, “no” when asked if he could envision Pettitte un-returning, but that’s to be expected. The team was worn out after a long winter of uncertainty, so hopeful of a breakthrough that even the smallest signs were re-packaged as a breakthrough.

One executive, in fact, joked, “our Israeli intelligence says it’s a go” after Pettitte told everyone he was throwing again. Even the lefthander’s wife, Laura, told her husband to stop waffling — just pack the bags and head to Tampa.

But time after time, Pettitte ran into the same wall of doubt. Maybe he’ll find greater clarity the first time he sees the Yankees on TV in April. Either the lefty will realize he made the right decision — that, pushing 40, he belongs on the couch — or else, “I’ll have this great churning in my stomach and I’ll know I made a mistake.”

For now, though, Pettitte leaves the Yankees with this farewell gift: he never had a sub-.500 season, the only pitcher in the history of the game to pitch at least 16 seasons with that distinction. Pettitte closes the book with a .635 winning percentage, which is another way of saying, one way or another, he’ll be missed.

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