Major League Baseball

Faith carrying Hamilton after tragedy

Published Jul. 12, 2011 1:00 a.m. ET

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There is a strange component of human nature, something buried deep within, nudging us to look for an escape from the bad things that happen in our lives. Mostly, we confront tragedy only as much as we have to. We compartmentalize it and set it aside for fear of it overwhelming us as we go through our daily routines.

We expect this to be true in particular of athletes, whose very existence depends on concentration and repetition. When one of them suffers a tragedy, it is natural to assume the game is what gives them a reprieve.

But on the same day that Shannon Stone was buried outside of Dallas, Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton was preparing to start in Tuesday's All-Star Game, and it didn’t feel like much of an escape. Hamilton, now 30, doesn’t do escapes anymore. That’s how he got in trouble in the first place, how he spent the better part of five years in and out of rehabilitation, how drug and alcohol abuse almost cost him his career.

“Baseball used to be my sanctuary then,” Hamilton said Monday. “So I can’t use it as a sanctuary now.”

Hamilton is still grieving about what happened in Arlington last Thursday, and he is doing it very publicly and very sincerely. Yes, it was a freak accident that led to Stone’s death at the ballpark that night. But it was Hamilton’s accident — Hamilton who had heard someone behind him calling for a foul ball, Hamilton who tossed the ball over the left-field fence toward Stone, and Hamilton who heard the man’s 6-year-old son screaming as his father tumbled over the railing and fell 20 feet to his death.

“It’s just a random act of kindness that turned tragic,” Hamilton said softly, his voice still full of hurt. “It lets you know how quickly life can change.”

To hear Hamilton talk so openly about the unspeakable outcome that night is a reminder of why fans have voted him a starter in the All-Star Game four straight years, even in 2009 when he said he did not deserve it. People root for Josh Hamilton because it’s almost impossible not to, not after he remade himself through sobriety and religion and ultimately fulfilled his lifelong promise as one of the game’s most talented players. He is authentic and he is honest about his life and his struggle, and who doesn’t root for that?

But asked Monday why he thinks fans have embraced him so much, he offered a response that was haunting within the context of the past few days.

“I don’t know,” he said, “maybe I take time with them.”

Surely somewhere in the back of Stone’s mind, when he was calling for that ball last Thursday night, he knew Hamilton would probably try to give him one. That’s just who Hamilton is. Every time he steps on the field, he feels the support of millions, and he wants to acknowledge it in the most meaningful way he can, whether it’s a nod or an autograph or a foul ball. And then this happens, and it’s awful, and there’s really no way for it to ever make sense.

“It’s very hard because it’s very relatable,” said Rangers designated hitter Michael Young, who, after that fateful game, informed Hamilton that Stone had died. “We all went to ballgames — I’m sure you did, too — when you’re a kid with your dad and you cherish those memories. There isn’t a guy who doesn’t have a soft spot for kids. That’s the lifeblood of the game. So that hits home for anybody, especially since most guys in there are fathers and have special relationships with their own fathers. It’s very, very tough. Just sad.”

It would be hard to imagine how any player would feel in that situation, but when the world learned that it was Hamilton, the immediate reaction was fear. Addiction is hard and it’s a lifelong battle, and it was only natural to wonder if the stress and guilt would lead Hamilton back to his darkest demons.

But it was his deep faith in God that brought him out of addiction, and it’s that faith that gives him perspective now. If someone was going to die like that, as a result of something so random, better for Hamilton to bear the burden than someone whose belief is not as strong.

“In some ways, I feel like I was picked,” he said. “In a lot of ways I feel like I was picked because in my situation I just happen to have faith. It still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and affect you.”

Hamilton chose not to attend Stone’s funeral Monday, as many in the Rangers organization did. He didn’t know Stone and would’ve felt like he was intruding in a solemn, private moment. But at some point, when there’s been enough time and mourning, he will reach out to the family and the 6-year-old boy and do what he can to help them get through it.

And when Hamilton takes the field Tuesday night, Stone will still be on his mind, his grief still in the forefront of his thoughts. Baseball stopped being an escape a long time ago for Hamilton, and he’s been a better person for it. That won’t change now. After everything he’s been through, it can’t.
 

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