Golden State Warriors

Sorry, Kobe: These are the NBA's 5 most unbreakable records

Published Jan. 22, 2016 12:05 p.m. ET

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The NBA’s record books aren’t hallowed ground compared to other major sports, most notably major league baseball. Why? Basketball is constantly evolving, twisting and turning itself from one era to the next, all the while making statistical comparisons a moot point.

But, though it fell short of setting a record, the 10th anniversary of Kobe Bryant’s 81-point game inspired us to look back at a few benchmarks that, at worst deserve a little recognition, and at best merit a two-hour documentary and/or a minor-cult following.

So much incredible stuff has happened in the NBA’s history, but only a handful of achievements will last forever. Here’s a look at five records set in the relatively recent past—be they by a team or player, through a career, season or single game—that will (probably) never be broken.

5. Kobe Bryant’s 14,151 missed field goal attempts

The NBA’s own “I’m not even mad, that’s amazing!” meme comes from the same man who inspired this very list: Kobe Bryant, a sociopathic iso-specialist who never met a shot he didn’t want to marry.

In his Hall of Fame career, the Los Angeles Lakers icon has missed 14,151 shots and counting. Why will nobody topple this ridiculous feat? For starters, a news flash: missed shots don’t help teams win, so to even put yourself in consideration for a run at the crown you best have good will built up in your back pocket—most likely in the form of several early-career championships. You’ll probably have to be one of the greatest players who ever lived, too. So, good luck with that.

NBA defenses thumb their nose at players who try to take over by themselves. It’s a strategy from a bygone era that doesn’t breed team success. You simply aren’t going to be allowed that many field goal attempts unless you can make a good chunk of them. Still convinced this record will someday be broken? Only 77 players in NBA history (not including Bryant) have even attempted 14,151 field goals. In other words, Kobe’s missed more shots than Tony Parker’s tried to make! Brain: fried.

4. Michael Jordan’s 30.12 points per game career scoring average

Let’s agree on something obvious: scoring 30 points in one NBA game is very hard. Scoring 30 points in say, five games in a row, means you’re a superhero. Now, imagine your career lasts 15 seasons and you average over 30 points in every single game you’ve ever played? Impossible? Yes…except for the fact that Michael Jordan—Washington Wizard days included—did it.

To break this record, you’d have to be unprecedentedly dominant from the moment you enter the NBA until the day you left. (Scary fact: Jordan scored more points than every other player as a rookie.)

Thirty point games are notable achievements on a night-to-night basis in today’s NBA. Averaging that number throughout an entire career might be the most unfathomable thing the sport’s all-time greatest player ever did.

3. Scott Skiles' 30 assists in one game

Everything about this record feels made up, which means it’s invincible. First: Look at Scott Skiles! How did this happen? The performance, which you can watch below, is too crazy.

To break this mark, a player obviously needs teammates who can finish. He needs generous scorekeepers (it’s not happening on the road) and he needs to play a defense that doesn’t feel like making multiple per-possession efforts on that particular night.

Mostly, this record feels like it’ll never be broken because nobody’s broken it yet. Rajon Rondo’s career high is 24. Steve Nash’s career high is 23. John Stockton had 28 in five fewer minutes about one year after Skiles, but couldn’t quite break the mark.

This just feels like an unexplainable phenomenon. It’s gravity or oxygen. Let it be and don’t ask questions.

2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s 38,387 career points

If Tim Duncan averaged 25 points per game over the next five seasons, he still wouldn’t top Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s mind-altering career point total. Know what that means? This is the NBA’s single-least breakable record—unless LeBron James maintains his present-day excellence well into his late 30s, in which case it’s totally getting broken.

1. 1971-72 Los Angeles Lakers winning 33 games in a row

Think about the Golden State Warriors for a second. Think about Stephen Curry swishing a 35-footer from one knee while getting punched in the face. Think about Draymond Green inventing a totally new position. Think about Klay Thompson being the type of third option who can drop 37 points in a quarter. Think about their selfless playing style, the effortless ball and player movement they deploy on a nightly basis.

This team won their first 24 games of the 2015-16 season before losing to the Milwaukee Bucks. What did we learn from their historical run? Nobody is every winning 34 games in a row. Ever. Sorry. Not happening. Games are too long and players don’t have enough time in between to rest. To the human body, the NBA’s schedule is a cataclysmic, 82-game cyclone. It’s designed to shred muscles and liquify brain tissue.

If these Warriors can fall victim to a schedule loss, everybody else will.