National Basketball Association

A reading of 'Twas The Night Before [NBA] Christmas'

Published Dec. 24, 2016 12:53 p.m. ET

Rob Perez

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the association
Not a creature was stirring, but JaVale in the rotation
The playoff standings were hung by the rim with care,
In hopes that NBA Sunday soon would be there.

The Knicks were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of the postseason danced in their heads.
Adam Silver in his kerchief, David Stern in his cap
About to collect some checks after Boogie snaps.

When out on Twitter – there arose such a clatter,
Carmelo Anthony sprang from the bed to see what was the matter…
Away to his laptop, he ran like Russ
Only to find George Karl’s new book, throwing him under the bus.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
No-one has answered me how TJ McConnell is still a pro.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a mediocre team with eight subpar reindeer.

A little old driver, lively like Wile E. Coyote,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Brodie.
More rapid than Warriors, Westbrook’s teammates they came

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now, Victor! now, Sabonis! now, Singler and Collison!
On Morrow,! On, Lauvergne! on, Kanter and Roberson!
There goes his MVP! Harden just made another three ball
Trade everyone but Russ! Trade away! Trade away! Trade away all!”

The Celtics are struggling, no-one can figure out why
Don’t have a chance unless Red Auerbach descends from the sky

Chicago is struggling, the United Center filled with boos,
When they play Rondo with Wade all the Bulls do is lose.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of an uncontrollable hoof.
I got kicked in the head, as I was turning around,
Down the chimney Draymond Green came with a bound.

Steph Curry was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
He’s on fire again, the net is ashes and soot.
A bundle of moves, Durant has the Warriors on his back,
Making defenders dance like the Return of the Mack

Luke Walton’s eyes how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
The Lakers started off hotter than the great Halle Berry
D’Angelo’s mouth is now drawn up like a bow,
But why did they give Mozgov all of that dough?

The stump of his pipe J.R. Smith held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He’s an NBA Champion now – isn’t that scary?
12-14 weeks until he can stop playing defense to dap up Jason Terry

Coach Pop is chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
Kawhi still won’t laugh at his jokes, in spite of himself!
A wink of Tim Duncan’s eye and a twist of his head,
Up to the rafters his jersey goes, his legacy never dead.

LeBron spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Still making your jaw drop like a jump shot by Dirk
He’s the best in the world, everybody knows
But the comeback player of the year might just be Derrick Rose

LeBron sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they flew to the 2017 Finals like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"The Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the finals, and to all a good-night!"