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Thunderous Thoughts: Going To War With The OKC Thunder

Updated Mar. 4, 2020 9:00 p.m. ET

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Thunderous Thoughts is a weekly look at the OKC Thunder with a feature story that ranges from absurd to serious.

Last week, Zaza Pachulia elbowed Russell Westbrook in the face and then stood over him as members of the OKC Thunder stood around. Westbrook promised some sort of revenge, saying that he was going to “bust his ass.”

This got me thinking. Who would you go to war with in Oklahoma City? If you have to pick four members of the OKC Thunder to represent the team in a WCW-style War Games match, who are you taking?

The first two are obvious. I know Westbrook and Steven Adams would swing until they have nothing left. And because Westbrook doesn’t get tired and Adams doesn’t feel pain, they’re always going to have something left. In fact, I would feel comfortable going to war with just Westbrook and Adams even though I’d be at a 4-on-2 disadvantage. That’s how much I trust these two to come out victorious.

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The other two choices aren’t quite as easy.

Victor Oladipo: He seems like the obvious candidate to be the third man just based on his athleticism. But I question his toughness. The fact that he settles for jumpers instead of attacking the basket makes me believe that he might be a little soft and doesn’t always want to bang bodies.

Enes Kanter: He would have been my pick if it wasn’t for his Do Nothing Bitch attitude last Wednesday. Kanter is goofy and fun-loving, but I know there’s a mean streak in there. This dude was willing to die for some religious and government stuff that I don’t understand, so I won’t get into it. He’s dealt with real death threats from real radicals. He’s been disowned by his family for his political views. Kanter seems ready for battle. But when battle seemed on his doorstep last week, he was sleeping.

Andre Roberson: Imagine a Floyd Mayweather fight, but only if Mayweather never threw a single punch. Now imagine that same scenario, except someone could come up from behind Mayweather and sucker punch him because this is a four-on-four brawl, not a one-on-one boxing match. That’s why I can’t pick Andre Roberson.

Domantas Sabonis: Someone would force him to circle right and knock him out.

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Jerami Grant: Like Oladipo, I love Grant’s athleticism. And Grant definitely isn’t afraid to go to the basket or body someone. It’s pretty much the only thing he’s good at. But if it was him who was heading over to the Warriors sideline to talk to “that female dog, butt, black person” then I have to question his mentality. The last dude that made friends with guys on that team turned out to be a cupcake.

Alex Abrines: Too skinny.

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Cameron Payne: I feel like he’d be scrappy.

Joffrey Lauvergne: His size is an advantage, but I don’t know what he’d be good at. Can he punch? Can he wrestle? Can he do anything well?

Anthony Morrow: It would seem easy to dismiss him because he’s not that big or athletic, but let’s not forget that it was Morrow who played enforcer for Payne and Westbrook in the playoffs. It was also Morrow who called out the team for not sticking up for Westbrook. Morrow might be the silent assassin type.

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Kyle Singler: Sometimes you need a pawn in war.

Nick Collison: He’s a veteran who may know some tricks, but he’d be better used as the general.

When breaking it all down, I would have to go with Oladipo and Morrow. I don’t feel 100% confident with those picks, but as long as I have Westbrook and Adams on my side, I feel good about my chances.

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