Cleveland Browns

5 fictional quarterbacks Browns should start in Week 6

Published Jun. 30, 2017 6:28 p.m. ET

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The Cleveland Browns are once again without a leader, as yet another quarterback bites the dust. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, let’s consider some fictional choices that could lead this team moving forward.

The Dog Pound may be the most devoted and loyal fan base around. However, there isn’t a Browns fan alive that doesn’t curse the day the franchise started when their quarterback goes down with an injury or fails to win a game.

The days of Otto Graham and Ozzie Newsome are long gone, and this team is in desperate need of something different. Is it bad recruiting or is this stadium built on cursed land?

Let’s face it, nothing about this millennium has been kind to the fans of Cleveland. In fact, they have only celebrated two winning seasons since the turn of the century. They currently sit last in their division and haven’t attacked the win column yet.

Even worse, over the span of five games dating back to Week 16 of last season to Week 3 of this year the Browns have started five different quarterbacks, Johnny Manziel, Austin Davis, Robert Griffin III, Josh McCown and Cody Kessler with all five losing.

Since this team is in need of a hero, real or fake. Let’s take a nice long look at the next savior for Cleveland. Whoever he may be.

NEW YORK, NY – SEPTEMBER 19: Scott Bakula visits “Extra” at their New York studios at H&M in Times Square on September 19, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by D Dipasupil/Getty Images for Extra)

5. Paul Blake – Necessary Roughness

Paul Blake is a 42-year-old freshman searching for one last moment in the sun. He had a chance at making the pros. His talent exceeded many others at the high school level, but he decided that family was more important than fraternity. Without hesitation,  he opted to run the family business after his father grew deathly ill.

For 25 years he’s been a cowboy tending the farm. Until a familiar face came to scout him for his last year of eligibility. After Texas Tech was ripped apart for breaking collegiate rules, Blake was recruited by Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero. Paul looks like a college professor, is no bigger than a place kicker and throws a spiral with the velocity of a major league pitcher.

Blake is a seasoned veteran who has more stability and leadership than Manziel and Griffin combined. He might be over the hill, but nobody has a bigger heart than Paul Blake. He could put the entire team on his back and will them to the end zone because he doesn’t know the meaning of the word quit.

He’s not looking for a long-term deal, but he is worthy of a one-year contract, but bring your checkbook-he will earn those incentives.

LAS VEGAS, NV – APRIL 14: Actor Keanu Reeves accepts the Vanguard Award during the CinemaCon Big Screen Achievement Awards brought to you by the Coca-Cola Company at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace during CinemaCon, the official convention of the National Association of Theatre Owners, on April 14, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

4. Johnny Utah – Point Break

Johnny Utah was once a huge prospect for Ohio State, ironically enough not too far from Cleveland. Though he’s been out of the game of football for a long time, he’s kept himself in shape. He’s strong, super athletic, fast and has a cannon for an arm.

He’s elusive and free due to the many hours he’s spent on a surfboard, the former Buckeye front man has a motor that won’t quit so playing a full 16 games won’t be a problem. However, he’s an extremist with a short fuse so if the Browns get behind early in the game he just might lose it. If that happens, you may as well start planning for the next game because once he’s angry, there’s no turning back.

Utah has many strengths including leadership skills and has the rare ability to think on the fly if the play takes a turn for the worst. He is a major control freak, but that may prove to be a positive since the Browns need a leader.

Johnny football is so flawless that his biggest weakness can’t be controlled. He’s got a bad knee due to an injury he suffered in the Rose Bowl. Utah is a proven winner, but never forget above all else, He is an FBI Agent!

1999 James Van Der Beek And The Cast Star In The New Movie ‘Varsity Blues.’ (Photo By Getty Images)

3. Lance Harbor – Varsity Blues

He’s the Pride of West Canaan, and Lance Harbor is the total package. I know what you’re thinking, another injured player, but this kid is the real deal.

He throws like Joe Montana, scrambles like Randall Cunningham and looks like Tom Brady. Harbor had a full ride to Florida State before Billy Bob missed that block. But it doesn’t matter to Cleveland, the Browns would take this kid if he had to crawl onto the field.

Hue Jackson could work wonders with his talent. Once he’s fully healed, this is the best opportunity Cleveland has had since Otto Graham.

He’s quick on the release so the pass rush shouldn’t be an issue. However, as a fail safe it would be wise for coach Jackson to invest in some big linemen during the second and third rounds. His ceiling is high and he’s never lost a game at West Canaan. Plus, he showed he can be a coach after Bud Kilmer walked out on his team.

After starting the year 0-5, that should be music to Hue Jackson’s ears.

If I was Cleveland I would trade multiple picks to move up and select Harbor. Although, if the losses keep coming they should get the number one pick without a problem.

Jamie Foxx on the sidelines before the Monday Night Football game between the Minnesota Vikings and the Washington Redskins. The Minnesota Vikings defeated the Washington Redskins 19-16 on Monday, September 11, 2006 at FedEx Field in Landover, MD. (Photo by Allen Kee/Getty Images)

2. Willie Beamen – Any Given Sunday

Willie Beamen was the backup quarterback in Any Given Sunday who earned a starting job after an injury. He’s flashy, cocky and has a huge head, but man can this guy play football. Though most organizations would stay clear of a guy like Willie, the Browns need a guy who can come in and win right away.

But watch out, once the success goes to his head it may be better to avoid all press conferences when necessary. Otherwise, you may be looking at a lot of Richard Sherman-like interviews. Tony D’Amato, played by Al Pacino, did everything he could to knock that chip off of Beamen’s shoulder. However, they would have had an easier time if they called upon the Pacino that played Scarface to do the job instead.

At his lowest point, he’s a self-centered, arrogant version of Michael Vick, but it’s somewhat understandable due to the egos on the field that he has to contend with. Hopefully, his gratitude will overcome his need for hype in Cleveland.

Because unlike the Miami sharks, the Cleveland Browns are in desperate need of him. More so than the three quarterbacks before him, Beamen deserves a max contract with tons of guaranteed money. Especially if he takes the job without a reliable offensive line.

At his young age, he’ll have no problem fulfilling the length of this contract. The only question is, will he overcome the spotlight, or will his ego be his biggest competition? Only time will tell, but in today’s market, the Browns should make a move fast.

NEW YORK, NY – APRIL 20: Actor/producer Dennis Quaid attends Crackle’s 2016 Upfront Presentation at New York City Center on April 20, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images)

1. Cap Rooney – Any Given Sunday

Any Given Sunday is one of the greatest football movies the entertainment world has ever seen. By the same token, Cap Rooney is the closest thing to a legitimate quarterback in any sports movie ever written.

As the franchise quarterback for the Miami Sharks, he’s thrown for over 30,000 yards, won the championship twice and has been league MVP three times. His style of play is very reminiscent of Steve Young, a true southpaw with concussion issues. Regardless of his health concerns, he’s worth the signing bonus. He’ll risk life and limb to win for his team, and he hates to disappoint the fans.

He’s got the tools to get the job done and would be a town favorite, just like Bernie Kosar. When he takes the field he makes everyone around him a better player. He’s not afraid to scramble for the first down, but he needs to be careful when he’s on the run. If Cap takes one more hit he’ll be as useless as the team mascot.

Coming out of college he was the player that everyone wanted. Now during the later stages of his career, he’s the guy that Cleveland absolute needs. Even if it is for only one season, he can turn this franchise around and make the Browns a winner.

It’s just too bad they didn’t get them sooner. If he can reason with Willie Beaman then there’s no doubt he could make Johnny Manziel a model citizen.

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