National Football League

What Favre, Childress really meant

Published Dec. 24, 2009 12:00 a.m. ET

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You've all heard of (and likely experienced) the old game of he said, she said.

Now, just in time for the Vikings unavoidable implosion ... we are proud to present, "Brett said, Brad said!"

Here's how it works: Let's compare comments made by Brett Favre and Brad Childress during their "kiss and make up" press conferences Wednesday, and then candidly interpret what each really meant when they said it. It's more entertaining than watching the Redskins attempt fake field goals.

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What Brett said: "[The issues] were resolved just by sitting down and talking about it as we should have done and ultimately did do. But really the differences ... it's gotten blown way out of proportion."

What Brett really means: “Things got blown out of proportion because I decided to go to my very, very, very, very good friends in the media to air our dirty laundry instead of handling it internally. I could have blown the question about our ‘heated discussion’ off, but it’s been a while since I got some love for all the drama I’m capable of creating off the field.

"Besides, it’s easier to win an argument when my water carriers in the press have my back.”

What Brad said: "There’s no question Brett is a good player.”

What Brad really means: “You know, I could have characterized Brett as great since he’s the all-time touchdown leader, has won a Super Bowl and instantly made us a title contender. But I knew putting him in the 'could-apply-to-anybody-on-this-team' category of ‘good’ would get his Wranglers in a tizzy. Olive Garden is ‘good’. Owning a Dodge Stratus is ‘good’. My use of ‘good’ wasn’t good. It was great! Take that, diva!”

What Brett said: “I went back and watched film of this team in the past. Too many in the box and [Peterson] still gets 50 yards. That’s not to say there’s not a better play there sometimes.”

What Brett really means: “There’s a reason this team couldn’t get out of its own way before I arrived in Minnesota. A one-dimensional offense never wins in January in this league unless you have a real running back like Chris Johnson. We saw how well the give-the-ball-to-Adrian-with-12-in-the-box thing worked last year when we could barely sell out a playoff game that we ended up getting housed in. This isn’t the '60s anymore. Passing game sets up the running game ... duh!”

What Brad said: “Things go on during the course of a football game at all positions and that’s behind us. We’re kind of forward looking here at the Chicago Bears.”

What Brad meant to say: “I hope my buddies at the Minnetoka Country Club put all the money they were going to leave their kids in the will on the Bears this weekend. We’re completely discombobulated, we have nothing to play for, my QB might the first to wear a headset and a helmet simultaneously, and Chicago sees this as their Super Bowl.

"Maybe Favre and that other starlet Cutler can go bowling together after the game. Maybe they can talk about what franchise they’d like to divide next.”

What Brett said: “I’ve told Brad – and anyone who has ever played the game – we all think we know it all at some point. I know that’s not the case.”

What Brett meant: “Do you like how I got that ‘anyone who has ever played the game’ shot to the kidney in there? There’s a reason why sponsors line up for me: I’m the king of subliminal messages, baby!

"The only football Childress has ever played was Madden ’97. Guess who his quarterback was? Hint: It wasn’t Gus Frerotte! Lace ‘em up sometime, Brad, and you see what it’s like to have Ray Lewis checking out your tonsils before the ball is even snapped. I may not know it all, but I know more than the guy who thinks shoulder pads are something chicks wear to look thinner.”

What Brad said: "He sees a lot. He looks at tape. He knows what it means. He looks at indicators. I've talked to you guys about him spending time at it. Now I'd be lying to you if I told you he spends more time than we do.”

What Brad meant: “Brett reads the Cliff’s Notes when it comes to breaking down to tape, while my coaching staff and me make Ron Jaworski look like an NFL Films intern. We look at more film in a week than James Cameron did over an entire year when editing Avatar. I got this team to the playoffs with Tarvaris Jackson last year. If that doesn’t give me the right to pull my quarterback or call my own plays, nothing does"

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Tune in next time!

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