Mail-it-in Friday: I miss having the Patriots in the Super Bowl
Super Bowl 50 is set. It will be the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers battling for the Lombardi Trophy when the game kicks off on Feb. 7. And that's all well and good. It will be an entertaining game and millions upon millions of people will enjoy watching what unfolds.
However, don't you feel an emptiness inside? It's there for me. Now that I've had a few days to digest the New England Patriots' AFC Championship Game loss to the Broncos, I must admit: I miss them.
Now, let's be clear. I'm no Patriots fan. Watching one team enjoy the type of consistent success that the Patriots have had since the Brady/Belichick era started has been nauseating. However, if I'm being honest, most of that nausea comes from the hubris that New England fans have displayed ever since the Lombardi Trophies started rolling in.
But once Peyton Manning took that final knee last Sunday, I had two thoughts. One was the standard shock that comes every time the Patriots lose a game. Yes, they're that good that I'm genuinely surprised when they don't win. The second was: "Man, it was kind of fun hating on the Patriots."
He got his wish. And now, they're gone until next season. No more Belichick press conferences. No more photos of Tom and Gisele. No more wicked pissahs. No more Gronk. No more Deflategate. No more Mark Wahlberg.
So, with a tear in my eye, I can only say:
Alrighty, now I turn it over to the people, so they can call me a moron for feeling sympathy for the depaaaahted.
DO YOU MISS THE PATRIOTS IN THE SUPER BOWL?
Off to a solid start. Nothing's wrong with me. The Patriots are always appointment television and I'm not even a fan. It's a bit obsessive, for sure.
Oh, you're not done? Fine. Yes, the Boston media is on the homer side, but that's the way New England is. I lived there for three years and it's a very insular community, despite Patriots Fandom encompassing like four states.
But Patriots fans -- while an affable and fun bunch -- haven't done themselves any favors over the years. They've been tough to listen to.
OK, that does it. You can say whatever you want, but I won't have you besmirch the man who brought us Dirk Diggler and Wahlburgers.
Still stinging over the Tuck Rule, eh? Can't say that I blame you. There are some things that you never get over.
Are you kidding me? I'm dying to see what they -- allegedly -- come up with next. The Patriots are like the Steve Jobs of bending the rules. So innovative!
The periods really drive the point home. Don't. You. Think.(?)
Sigh, a Colts person. Didn't you people do enough last year? I had never heard or cared about delfated footballs until your organization started all this crap.
I've had to listen to a year's worth of horrible Deflategate jokes thanks to you.
See? Horrible Deflategate jokes. And what's with the winking face? You being sexy with me?
What's with the asterisk?
Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.
You shouldn't be so flippant about that. There's nothing like a good dose of diarrhea to jump start a weight loss program. It gets the first five pounds of water weight out like a charm.
Having had neither, I can't make a fair comparison. I've had diarrhea though . . .
Slow ass? Many things have been said about Tom Brady's buttocks, but slow isn't one of them. Now, his legs? Sure, those are pretty slow. Maybe he should ditch the Uggs. (Ugh, an Uggs joke . . . how hacky)
That's true. The Patriots wouldn't have lost a game if their core had stayed intact throughout the season. Or, at worst, they would have reached the playoffs with a 15-1 record and would have beaten the Broncos at Foxborough.
I would argue against that. Adding the Patriots to any game adds intrigue and attracts eyes.
But in regards to your other point, I imagine Mr. Goodell breathed a big sigh of relief when that clock struck zero in Denver.
Brevity. I love it.
While I agree the Manning vs. Grossman matchup was terrible, this year isn't that bad. Manning, even though he's running on fumes, is still a legend and he was able to help dispatch a team as dangerous as the Patriots.
And it shouldn't be freezing in San Francisco on Super Bowl Sunday, so he'll have that working for him.
Perfection is in the eye of the beholder.
I miss the left shark. That's all I miss.
Alrighty, folks, enjoy the Pro Bowl! Hahahahahaha.
See you next week!