College Football

The off-beat preview: Wisconsin vs. Purdue

Updated Mar. 4, 2020 11:02 p.m. ET

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If you are looking for hard-hitting analysis, yeah, this ain't it. But if you want a fun, entertaining read, you've found the right place. For more of Brandon Rifkin, please head to his blog or follow him on Twitter.

Ended up catching the last few minutes of the game on Saturday, and it looks like I didn't miss anything before that. Oh well. Always nice to gut out a tough road win when nothing has been going your way lately. Winning ugly and all that jazz.

Best way to maintain a little momentum? Purdue comes to town. I refuse to lose to Purdue forever. Ever since we broke Kyle Orton and Scott Starks scooped up that fumble for a touchdown we cemented our dominance over them. Never again will they beat us. Nuh uh. No way.

BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS

1) Michigan State, 6-0 (2-0). Barely beating RUTGERS? How?

2) Ohio State, 6-0 (2-0). Looking forward to the hotshot running back commit we had ending up at Ohio State. That seems totally fair.

3) Michigan, 5-1 (2-0). Do you remember BETTER CHEDDARS?

BETTER CHEDDARS YEAH! YEAH! Everybody zigs with Goldfish and Cheez-Its . . . I zag with BETTER CHEDDARS. What happened to them? Did the folks over at Pepperidge Farm flex their political muscle and lobby the hell out of congress to make Better Cheddars ILLEGAL? I could straight flex an entire box without batting an eye.

Next time I see a box of Better Cheddars I'm buying it and eating it in one sitting because I am WISCONSIN to the big bone.

4) Iowa, 6-0 (2-0). Still not sold.

5) Penn State, 5-1 (2-0). Mid-October: I am yet to watch a single minute of Penn State football.

6) Wisconsin, 4-2 (1-1). Hey Apple, next time you wanna try to swindle Wisconsin just remember the time you had to pay us a billion dollars for cheating. SUCK IT, NERDS

7) Northwestern, 5-1 (1-1). This is an amazing sports picture:

And I hope every Rangers fan is sobbing their eyes out over the bat flip. "Unwritten rules." "Play the game the right way." "Set a good example for children." You mean children like #MiniBautista?

Bat flips 4 ever.

8) Illinois, 4-2 (1-1). Third time to San Francisco and I still have not payed homage at the Mrs. Doubtfire house. I am ashamed of myself.

9) Indiana, 4-2 (0-2). Last week we looked at the impossible math problem. Here are some explanations offered up:

Oooo, that almost makes sense! Thanks, strangers on the internet!

10) Minnesota, 4-2 (1-1). It was a great moment in my life when I realized Milos' wife in Seinfeld is the saleswoman at the lingerie store in "Enemy of the State". Those little connections are why I watch things I've seen millions of times before.

PS - Ooooo, Skyler from "Breaking Bad" is the evil politician's wife in this show! She needs to start fictionally dating better men. I'm judging you very hard, Skyler.

11) Nebraska, 2-4 (0-2). I love how we toy with Nebraska. It's not very nice, but it's extremely enjoyable.

12) Maryland, 2-4 (0-2). Never a good sign when the whole Internet knows your coach is fired for like a week before he's officially told.

13) Purdue, 1-5 (0-2). LOL purdue

Rutgers) Rutgers, 2-3 (0-2). #ExpelRutgers

THE BEER SCENE: WEST LAFAYETTE

No better place for a beer near the Purdue campus than the Lafayette Brewing Company. In their own words:

Our brewery philosophy is to brew traditional ale & lager styles while incorporating high quality ingredients and innovative practices to create a distinctive array of beers. Our kitchen focuses on generous portions of unique pub fare, and we feature quality, locally-produced ingredients whenever practical.

I love ales and lagers and generous portions of pub fare. I want all of that in or around my face. Let me just check their events calendar to see if there's any reason to pop on by this month:

Maybe November is their busy month.

MATCHUP TO WATCH

My ability to care about this game vs. My attempts to not puke from nervousness about the Cubs game. These double dippers are DANGEROUS. Is it bad that I'm not amped up for UW/Purdue in what is shaping up to be a solid-at-best season? Here, let's not worry about Saturday and just think about what's really important:

Three favorite things about that play:

3) Starks doing the thing where you hold the ball in front of your chest while running. That's the most defensive back thing of all-time.

2) The announcers helping out the replay official:

That is exactly why you get the pen during the broadcast.

1) "What a turnaround! A cataclysmic turn of events! Touchdown, Badgers!" That is how you seize the moment in the booth.

PS - Am I the only person surprised that video reviews were in play back then? This was pre-HD!

THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU

No way we lose this

Above all else, remember

LOL purdue

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I love this for a reason I can't quite place. Maybe it's because it makes me think of one of my all-time favorites:

I miss you, Travis.

#FOODPORN

Straight from the airport in San Francisco we made a stop at In-N-Out. Now, I love me some In-N-Out, but is it the best in the world? CASUAL BURGER CHAINS, RANKED:

5) Culver's. Don't need to do anything fancy to make a very satisfying burger and fries. I'm evaluating all of these with a standard burger and fries order, so the fact that I love their chicken tenders doesn't move the needle here.

4) Shake Shack. I know it's super trendy right now, and I do enjoy the food . . . I'm just not completely blown away after going back for a second visit. Still, really good. Better crinkles + cheddar than Culver's bumps them up.

3) In-N-Out. I think they'd be higher if they salted their fries a little after frying them. I get 'em Animal Style regardless, but the fries themselves aren't the best. If I could get any of these other guys' fries Animal Style I would die.

2) Five Guys. Bonus points for thicker patties than most of the rest here, unlimited toppings, and CAJUN FRIES. With the bonus scoop in the bag! #MakeAmericaFatAgain

1) M Burger. Double M Burger + jalapenos - pickles, fries, two sides of sauce . . . that's how you cheat for lunch on a Friday. The bacon and sauce team up with the jalapenos for a bucket of flavor, and the fries are exactly what skinny fries should be. This place just does casual burgers right.

PREDICTION CITY

LOL purdue. THE PICK:

WISCONSIN 87, LOL purdue 5

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