National Football League

Mail-it-in Friday: What would you give up to see your team win it all?

Published Jun. 5, 2015 11:00 a.m. ET

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Sid Saraf

Good lord, the NFL offseason is taking forever.

We're only at the beginning of June, which means it's several weeks before NFL teams even start training camp. And since there's not much going on besides OTAs -- and no, that's not interesting -- we're going with another themed edition of Mail-it-in Friday.

This week's topic: What would you give up to see your favorite team win a Super Bowl?

Remember, if you want your thoughts featured here, tweet us using #FoxMailbag or just tweet me @RealSidSaraf. OK, let's get to work!

SUPER SACRIFICES

Michael,

Speaking of houses ... I need to get something off my chest.

My wife and I enjoy "House Hunters" on HGTV. If you're not familiar with it, the show follows people who are trying to buy a new home. A realtor shows them three properties and the person or persons decide which one to purchase by the end of the episode.

Now, we live in West Los Angeles where, as you might have heard, property prices are sky high. It's not uncommon to find a complete teardown house sitting on a matchbox-sized piece of land with a price tag hovering around $900K.

So, when I see two people on the show getting upset because the $240K home they're looking in Georgia doesn't come with a sixth bathroom, a fourth walk-in-closet, a catwalk and a guest house for their cat ... my reaction is:

"(Sigh), is an acre and-a-half really enough space for our toddler and hamster to play in?"

"The wine cellar needs some work. That will put us over our $250K spending limit!"

But, getting back to Michael's sacrifice, as long as you're in Georgia, go ahead and trade that house for a championship. It doesn't matter, there's probably a bigger mansion around the corner at a cheaper price.

Calvin,

I was once at the airport and I saw a man -- of course -- picking his nose with his pinky. I was impressed. He was dressed in a sharp suit and had his cell phone up to his ear with his left hand. Instead of asking the guy on the line to hold or just using his right hand, he just used his left pinky to dig into his nostril and kept talking.

I respected his coordination and ability to multi-task.

But besides nose-picking, is there a reason for pinky fingers to exist? Nope. You can safely lose both and still fire on all cylinders. Those are the ones to sacrifice.

OrionArrow,

Hate to break this to you, but she'd probably give you up for something far less valuable. Men are such clueless beasts that we have no idea how often we toe the line of being tossed out on our asses.

Ekotoole,

I agree with you. Kids are smelly, loud and have no consideration of people around them.

Other than the tax break, what good are they? Get out of that crib and get a job, you deadbeat!

(Author's note: The previous two paragraphs were written for comic effect. The author and FOXSports.com support America's children and believe that they are indeed our future. They should never be bartered for Super Bowl wins ... even if you're a Browns fan.)

Mike,

Definitely don't give up any children. That are far too precious a resource. And cheer up, dude. The Browns will get a championship someday. Maybe not in our lifetimes, but they'll get there. The law of averages -- which I know nothing about -- says so.

Carlos,

I wish I could say the same. Giving up fast food sounds good in theory, but it's just not practical.

Believe me, I've tried to eat healthy, but I can only last a couple weeks at the most. I'll change up my diet to a small amount of oatmeal for breakfast, a salad for lunch and something cooked at home for dinner. My body feels great, I sleep like a baby and even my unrelenting cynicism abates a bit.

Then, there's that one night when I get home at 2 a.m. after a night of drinking and a craving that only Jack in the Box can satisfy overwhelms me. Do I use my willpower to refuse? Sorry, the alcohol took care of that. I need fast food. Now.

Juan,

Make sure you tell her she's just going for a walk before you make the transaction. I don't know about your grandmother, but mine is five times smaller than I am and still throws a mean right cross.

She'd knock me the **** out right where I stood.

Logan,

So ... you would give up honey?

Honey is a sore subject for me. After our honeymoon last year, my wife and I had to go through immigration in Charlotte before we could catch a flight back to LA.

Now, when we reached the counter, the officer -- a man with a deliberate southern drawl straight out of central casting -- took our passports and looked the both of us up and down.

Officer: "How do you two know each other?"

Us: "Oh, we're married. In fact, we're just coming back from our honeymoon."

Officer: "How did you meet?"

Us: "Actually, at work. We both work at FOX Sports." -- we both had big smiles on our faces and tried to look innocent.

Us: [Getting nervous] Haha ok ...

Officer: [Speaking slow] "Don't get your honey ... from where you get your money.

Us: [Nervous laughter with sweat forming on the brow]

And without as much as a smile, he stamped our forms, handed us our passports without looking up and waved us through. To this day, I'm living with the knowledge that an immigration officer from Charlotte doesn't approve of my inter-office marriage.

Henry,

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

I get it, bread is the big bugaboo now. Every stupid diet out there wants you to give it up.

Forget that. Certain things in life that make this whole nonsense tolerable. Bread is one of them.

Give me bread or GIVE ME DEATH!

NY,

Good one!

I'm a huge dork that enjoys re-watching memorable wins over and over again. I held on to my VHS tape of the Lakers' title-clinching win from the 1987 NBA Finals until it fell apart three years ago.

That's how committed I am to it. Part of the joy of your team winning a championship is the pleasure of firing up the game tape whenever you need a lift.

That would definitely be a tough joy to sacrifice. Anyone who does it is a true fan.

Dylan,

YOU SUCK!

Andrew,

Dude, I'd give up Twitter for a cheeseburger. It truly is the worst.

Randy,

Always a tragedy when we lose another young life to brownies.

Witch,

Do libraries still give out cards? Actually, a more important question: Are there even libraries anymore or did Amazon buy them all out?

As someone who got shushed way too many times in my younger years, I can't wait to dance on the library system's grave.

Fred,

Dammit, I knew I was going to get the Deflategate clowns here before long. That does it, I'm ending this mailbag right now!

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