Alabama Crimson Tide

Alabama Apologizes For Hot Sorority Video

Published Aug. 17, 2015 11:12 a.m. ET

foxsports

The University of Alabama has apologized to America because one of its sororities is so hot it made ugly people uncomfortable with this video:

The sorority PULLED THIS VIDEO FROM YOUTUBE.

Alabama's official statement is nonsensical:

"This video is not reflective of UA's expectations for student organizations to be responsible digital citizens. It is important for student organizations to remember what is posted on social media makes a difference, today and tomorrow, on how they are viewed and perceived," said Deborah Lane, Associate Vice President for University Relations.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Imagine the trouble that could befall you once you leave college if people discover that you were good looking in college and also had good looking friends who occasionally wore bikinis with you at the lake? Wave goodbye to your future, girls. You're done for. I don't know how you could ever hope to recover from being viewed and perceived as good looking today and tomorrow.

Have we really reached a place where universities have to apologize because their sorority bid videos are too hot? Has Alabama been overrun by ISIS? Should the girls have done their video in burqas?

As a professional ugly person I feel comfortable speaking for other ugly people who aren't total losers, we like looking at people who are better looking than us. That's like the entire purpose of the movies. When was the last movie made to feature all ugly people? Oh, wait, it has never existed. That's because people like to watch people who are better looking than them on video.

What in the world is improper about this video? There's no drinking, there's no drugs, there's no nudity, there's a lot of girls being happy and playing fake football in Bryant-Denny Stadium. Was it accurately reflective of real life? Probably not. For instance, I don't think any girls at Alabama would actually beat running back Kenyan Drake in a forty yard dash.

The only reason this video is popular is because the girls are really hot and they featured a football player in it. If the girls were less attractive and Kenyan Drake wasn't in it it wouldn't have gone viral. That's because there are tons of these sorority videos all over the Internet. All these girls did was make a video that was creative enough to stand out from the rest of the videos just like it. That's called being smart.

So really Alabama is apologizing because this sorority is too hot and their football player is too famous.

I want to throw up. Seriously. When is a media or university organization going to respond to online criticism by issuing the following statement: "Get a fucking life, Sincerely (insert organization here)."

Before you apologize for anything think about the people who are demanding an apology. And ask yourself this, what kind of total and complete loser is offended by a sorority recruitment video on YouTube?

Speaking as a big feminist here, isn't the entire purpose of feminism that you have the right to make whatever choices you desire? That is, the individual has the power to make her own choices in life? Ladies, you can be a porn star or a neurosurgeon, but WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MAKE A VIDEO IF YOU HAVE HOT FRIENDS AND GO TO ALABAMA. THAT SHIT'S OFFENSIVE.

P.S. Alabama, y'all better ban Instagram on campus now. That site is filled with groups of attractive women from your school cavorting in happy poses. Same thing with Twitter and Facebook. Are you really going to let people think that students at Alabama have fun and are good looking?

Ugly losers have feelings too, y'all.