Anderson Silva fell into depression after broken leg: 'I thought my career was over'
It's not easy for Anderson Silva to go back in time to remember his last fight against Chris Weidman and the moment his leg shattered after going for a kick in the second round. As he fell to the canvas, shrieking in pain, Silva thought his historic and legendary career was about to be over.
He stared down at the leg, bone severed and skin dangling, tormented by the agony of the injury. After seven years of being called the best fighter in the world, it seemed so unfair that this was the way it was going to end.
"It was a very tough moment. I play around because I have to play around, so I'm playing around a lot with this thing, but it's something I don't like to remember too much," Silva said during a Tuesday news conference with the media. "I went through the worst months of my life. It was a lot of pain. The moment when I broke my leg, when I realized my leg was broken, I thought my career was over.
"A million things went through my mind. You might think depression is not something serious, but I was depressed, I was very upset. If I didn't have the people that I have by my side, maybe I wouldn't have come back."
As soon as he got to the hospital that night, Silva was admitted for surgery to have the bone set and repaired. After the surgery, Silva had to stay in the hospital for a few days -- and to make matters worse, he couldn't even fly home because of the air pressure that a plane ride would put on his injured leg.
When he finally got home -- after the UFC rented a bus to transport him from Las Vegas to Los Angeles -- Silva found out what was really important in life, and it had nothing to do with gold belts or mythical pound-for-pound lists.
"When I got off the bus, my kids were there, and the first thing they said is, 'Daddy, everything is good, we love you.' That was the most marking moment. I never imagined I would return home with my leg broken and see my family there in that situation," Silva revealed.
Silva never stated whether there was a specific time that he knew he'd be able to return to fighting, but as his rehabilitation started there was no doubt in his mind that he was going to come back. Watching other people being able to run made him miss running. Watching fights had the same effect, and soon enough Silva was on the road to return to the Octagon.
It's still not exactly a pleasant memory to think about the night his leg was broken, but Silva has moved past the mental anguish and now focuses on the positives. The biggest one in terms of his fighting career is the fact that he is back and able to do the thing he loved to do before the injury happened.
As the old saying goes, you don't know what you've got till it's gone.
"In the beginning it was a trauma for me, but not anymore. I think it happens. Like a regular job -- you could have a day at your job and your day wasn't good. In my last two fights, that's what happened. Also, a little bit of mental tiredness," Silva said.
"I think I'm coming back at a new phase in my life. It's something I went through. It was good as an experience, but I don't think it's going to be any hinder on me."
Silva's first fight back against Nick Diaz will mark only the sixth time in his UFC career where a title isn't on the line. In four out of those previous five experiences, Silva was either fighting at light heavyweight or his opponent failed to make weight, which negated the title being on the line (Travis Lutter, UFC 67). Otherwise, Silva has only known life as a champion or No. 1 contender, so stepping in against Diaz with no belt and no promise of a shot at the belt on the line will be a much different place for him to inhabit.
There's something else Silva is fighting for, however, after getting knocked out by Weidman and then watching his leg break in the rematch -- something he didn't carry out of the Octagon when he was pulled from the cage on a stretcher, something he's desperate to reclaim.
"This thing about returning is because I feel that I left something let go in this whole road fighting. In my last fights, I let something go and I'm looking for that again," Silva said. "That's what I'm after. So I'm training a lot and I'm very focused, and they understand that."
As far as what the future may hold, Silva's entire world stops and starts with his showdown against Diaz in January. The news conference and subsequent media call he conducted will be the last interviews Silva does before the fight because he wants to stay focused on recovery and training before his return. He does expect to be with the UFC through at least the end of his contract, which runs for seven more fights.
"I'm going to tell you, I intend to do all of my fights," Silva said. "Dana has already said before the seven fights are over so you don't run away, we'll renovate your contact again. He's the boss, it's all good."
As far as title aspirations, Silva has been somewhat contradictory of himself in the past year while rehabilitating from the leg injury. In some interviews he's stated that his comeback isn't about getting another crack at the belt; in others, he's said that is the only goal.
So how does Silva actually feel about the title right now, three months out from his return?
"This is what happens -- in my team we have (Ronaldo) Jacare (Souza) in BlackHouse, we have Lyoto (Machida) and Khalil, a new athlete that's coming in who has all the weapons to possibly fight for the belt. I went through that phase and I have to respect that. Jacare is out there, he has my full support to fight for the belt. I'm in the UFC, too, just like him, but I've been through that phase," Silva said.
"I'm not pretentious to go and fight for the belt right now. I think I have to qualify myself once again to have this opportunity again. So to leave this all very clear, we have Jacare, we have other athletes who are doing very well and are credentialing themselves to fight for the title. So nothing more fair for me, I've been through all that, I've been through that experience. I want to give them that opportunity for the guys that want to go in there and do that, go in there and do that. Nothing more fair than to let Jacare do it."
He's not ruling out another run at the title in the future, however, as he told FOX Sports in a second conversation after the news conference ended.
"I respect my friend Jacare, I respect Lyoto and Vitor Belfort, all the guys. These guys have the chance to fight Chris Weidman next. First of all, Jacare is my friend. I trained together with Jacare for a long time. Jacare's working hard, staying strong and focused for the belt," Silva stated.
"I don't know for me, maybe in the future, when I finish this fight, I'll fight three, two, four more fights and I'm back to fight for the belt. Now, my focus is my fight with Nick Diaz. In the future, I don't know. I'm waiting and it's God's decision. The first goal is God's decision, and the second is Dana White and my performance in the next fight."
