Mail-it-in Friday: Who's ready to dogpile on Tom Brady?
Grab your popcorn.
The NFL Draft is thankfully in the rear view and, we should be getting ready for a couple of quiet months on the calendar before training camps start. However, no such luck this week because DEFLATEGATE IS BACK IN THE NEWS!!
The NFL feels the New England Patriots PROBABLY deflated footballs! Tom Brady was GENERALLY aware of the whole thing! So, no dice on quiet time, folks.
Remember, if you want your thoughts featured here, fire off a tweet using #FoxMailbag or just tweet me @RealSidSaraf. OK, let's get to work!
READY, AIM . . .
There's only one topic on the table: What punishment should Tom Brady and the Patriots face for their supposed transgressions? Take it away, people!
What is this, the late '90s? Dude, Dr. Evil was played out by the turn of the century. I won't have this mailbag turn into a hacky collection of cliches.
Sigh. OK, fine, I'll do it with you, just this once:
Haha, I guess it's still funny.
Damn right! Let us all stand together and cast Tom into the fifth level of hell. There's no greater sin than being somewhat involved in the deflation of a football. That type of behavior has no place in a decent and just society.
I'm against all lifetime bans. I don't have a solid reason why . . . I just find them irritating.
And get a grip on yourself. We're talking about underinflated footballs here. If O.J. Simpson hasn't been hit with a ban, then I'm pretty sure Tom is safe.
What a wonderful moment this must be for every Seattle Seahawks fan. It doesn't soften the sting of that Super Bowl loss, but it's good to have that in the holster in case any Patriots fan wants to start talking smack.
But Suzy brings up a good point. The NFL has an opportunity to do a little out-of-the-box thinking when it comes to this punishment. Why not get creative?
Roger Goodell should force the Patriots to play three games using footballs inflated to the point that Tom Brady has to throw it like a shotput.
Or Tom should be forced to change his name to "Clown Shoes" during every primetime game. That way, during player introductions on TV, he would have to say, "Clown Shoes, University of Michigan."
Oooh! Tom and his wife should be made to star in a shot-for-shot remake of the movie "Gigli," and they should be forced to read every negative review. Now that's some good punishin'.
Thank you, Suzy. You have opened my eyes to world of possibilities.
Well, at least you offered a method. A French method, but a method nonetheless.
That's not a punishment. I'm sure Tom would love to have his locks flowing in the breeze and his dreamy eyes on display for the world to see.
Patriots games would quickly turn into a One Direction concert with fans in the stands doing this:
Who cares? WHO CARES?!! Allow a wise man to explain to you what happens when people don't care:
That's some #truth right there.
I was thinking more along the lines of Benny Hill.
I see. So, you don't have problems with the findings of the report, you just feel that it failed as a literary device.
I disagree. I found the exchange of text messages between the two Patriots employees to be hilarious and engaging. And I challenge you to make a report about air-pressure readings compelling. Science is excellent, but good lord, is it dry.
Does that mean Roger Goodell would play the Eric Bischoff role? The Patriots would be perfect as the NWO.
I sat through all 12 rounds of that fight last weekend, and I didn't think it was that bad. Then again, i was about four drinks in by Round 4, so I was in a good and forgiving mood.
It's pathetic. It doesn't matter how boring something is, if you give me a drink, I'll be fine.
I was wondering when someone would check in with a "you're just a hater" comment.
Let me ask you something, when Mace Windu tried to kill The Emperor, was he eliminating a Sith Lord or was he just being a hater?
When the United States of America broke free from England, were they trying to form an independent nation or were they just being haters?
When someone does something wrong, it's not "being a hater" to point it out and expect some kind of punishment in return.
Yay! Wait, I don't get it . . .
I hate "ROFL" and "LOL" and "ROTFLMFAO" and "SMH" and "IMO" and "FYI" and "TBH" and other such abbreviations.
Look, I'm not being a hater. I enjoy a good emoticon just as much as the next person, but I'm done with "ROFL" because there's no way Jake is literally rolling on the floor.
Seriously, that just makes me SMH.