"Whoa, really?"
Brian Rafalski, who has played in close to 800 National Hockey League games, was in his pregame mode before one of them last week. The stretching, the focus, the psyching oneself up before an evening of hockey battle. Unusually, he skated over to where I stood in my own pregame mode (the coughing, the scratching, the muttering) on the Red Wings bench, and I awaited some piece of important hockey information.
Rafalski leaned in and I heard this: "You know, you look like Jack Nicholson standing here, scowling".
That's it.
The new New Year's resolution. Scowl less.
Maybe (and this will be a painful admission) our parents were right. Your face WILL freeze like that. Who knew it would freeze like Jack Nicholson's? Shouldn't that be a part of the kindergarten curriculum? Holding up a picture of the Joker and telling the children, "You want to look like this when you grow up?"
It's the time of year when we resolve to be better, to do more or to do less of something.
And so, having shared my painful "you could be Nicholson's twin" awakening, I gently suggest some resolutions for others.
To the Detroit Lions: Hey, you may not have turned a corner yet, but it's now programmed into the GPS. Try not to make any detours before you get there. In spite of what the voices tell you to do.
To the Detroit Pistons: Move on, already. Your franchise is stuck, mired in the purgatory between seller and buyer, between this regime and the next one. I know there are millions of dollars at stake, but to Karen Davidson, the suggestion is that your late, great husband would rather his legacy as a builder remain untarnished than holding out for the last nickel, or the last million.
To the Detroit Tigers: The White Sox have reset the bar in the division. Go get that other top-tier starting pitcher. And yes, if it takes an Andy Oliver or even a Jacob Turner, promising but untested, make the deal. Win a championship for your owner, who is running out of summers.
To the Detroit Red Wings: Resolve to heal. And pray to the hockey gods that oversee health, and ask, "Isn't it somebody else's turn?"
To Mark Dantonio: You're not in the best career for a guy who has a heart issue. A stent is an arterial mulligan. Finding balance is a tough resolution for one of the tougher guys we know.
To Rich Rodriguez: No more Josh Groban. I'm sure it seemed a good idea until even Josh Groban wondered about the wisdom of it.
To Greg Kampe: Your Oakland University Golden Grizzlies have become a very nice story. You will take your team to play anyone, anywhere. How about resolving to join the Horizon League, where a sensational local rivalry could develop with Detroit Mercy? You'd also bump up against Butler and Valpo regularly, instead of the likes of IUPUI and IPFW. (Note to Vanna White. All the vowels are hidden in the Summit League.)
Of course, suggesting resolutions to others is like thinking you'll find eternal bliss with serial divorcee Kelsey Grammer. You're asking for it.
You have to look inward first.
So, I resolve to scowl less. Smile more. Be more patient.
And not be offended by Jack Nicholson comparisons.
Because in one of his best acting performances ever, Jack was right.
"I can't handle the truth."
Dec. 29, 2010
