Just yesterday, it was the 2016 NFL Draft and we were waiting patiently to see which college fotball stud would be first off the board, which would fall down the board and which would be publicly blackmailed for prior marijuana usage.
Indeed, it was a simpler, innocent time, but nowadays it seems like picking the right superstar means finding the one with right string of familiar adjectives and buzz phrases under his draft profile.
We use and become comfortable with these bad, shopworn phrases about “ceilings” and “quick-burst” speed because they’re convenient and we’re too lazy to write every dude at a bar a unique haiku praising Myles Garrett’s skill set.
But these terms are still, in fact, trash, and we’d all be a lot smarter sounding if we never used any of the following 19 descriptors or statements ever again in association with a young football prospect.
Brian SpurlockBrian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports
Meaning: "One of the team's foremost a-holes."
Timothy T. LudwigTimothy T. Ludwig-USA TODAY Sports
“He has a high ceiling."
Meaning: “If he lives and works exactly as I imagine he should in my head-movies, this guy could be an all-timer."