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Welcome to the college football version of Angry Birds ... so many targets, so little time. Let's get blasting away.
Hell Hath No Fury
Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson's twitter account was hacked on Thursday. It appears Mr. Robinson has an angry ex who either knew his password to gain access to his account or hacked her way in. We're going with the former, and not that latter, as she doesn't appear smart enough to hack anything involving technology, due to her inability to grasp the English language. Exhibit A: "You WILL reap what you sew."
The Big Easy?
TCU has an invite to join the Big 12. Last year, TCU accepted a Big East invite, which would've gone into effect next year. With Syracuse and Pitt set to leave the Big East and join the ACC, it looks like the Big East — despite being labeled the worst BCS conference — has been raided again. Why? Let's just call this what it is — a fascinating conference. Big East football is like Rebecca Black's "Friday" music video — you are probably not a fan of it, but you keep going back to discover why others watch it.
Missouri needs to play a little harder to get. Last year, the Tigers wanted to go to the Big Ten, but weren't invited. This year, they wanted to go to the SEC, but now that looks iffy. What Mizzou ought to do is join the Big East — I give them less than a year before suddenly, everybody wants them.
Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Harvey Updyke, Jr. is in the news again. Updyke called into the Paul Finebaum Show and asked for forgiveness. Updyke has been accused of poisoning two famed oak trees at Toomer's Corner, a beloved Auburn landmark. The critical condition of the trees coupled with the fact that Updyke has been photographed donning an Alabama hat has caused outrage from Auburn fans. The 130-year-old trees are a symbolic gathering place for celebrations — rolls and rolls of toilet paper are thrown in the trees to celebrate an Auburn victory, among other things. The irony is that tree-loving Auburn fans love to throw a product made from dead trees on two trees, and are incredulous that somebody tried to kill the two trees they like to throw dead tree products on. I'd make an analogy here, but after the Hank Williams, Jr. debacle, I'll just move on.
Reversal of Fortunes
Washington State coach Paul Wulff has been on a scorching hot seat for two years — prior to this season, Wulff's career record at WSU was 5-32 — but right now his fanny is sitting on a cushion cooler than the other side of your pillow. The Cougars are 3-1 overall, 1-0 in Pac-12 and face UCLA on Saturday. Reserve quarterback Marshall Lobbestael (starter Jeff Tuel has a broken clavicle) has performed brilliantly, and this week he was named one of eight quarterbacks for the Manning Award Stars of the Week. UCLA … you're on the clock. Miracles can and do happen.
Leaders, Legends, or __________? (Fill in the Blank)
Nebraska is an 11-point favorite over Ohio State. The Buckeyes haven't been a Big Ten double-digit underdog since 1999, according to Lincoln Journal Star writer Brian Rosenthal.
Last Saturday, it took the Buckeyes 59 minutes and 50 seconds of game time before they scored on Michigan State. On that same Saturday, Wisconsin rolled Nebraska 48-17. If the Buckeyes win, who stinks more: them or the Cornhuskers? Discuss.
Brother, Where Art Thou?
West Virginia head coach Dana Holgorsen called out the team's fans in a news conference this week. Holgorsen was ticked at the lack of fan support at the Mountaineers' game against Bowling Green.
"LSU played well in front of 62,000 of our people and then turned around and went home and played a 1-4 Kentucky team at noon and had 95,000 people there," Holgorsen said.
"You want to talk about an elite program, that's one. I don't know about this place."
Well, Dana, we do. This is a place — prior to LSU weekend — that forced the Morgantown Fire Marshall to enact a temporary abatement due to the proliferation of couch burning.
From 8:00 a.m. Sept. 22 to 8:00 a.m. Sept. 26, it will be a misdemeanor crime for residents in student housing areas in the downtown section of Morgantown to have interior furniture, debris, construction materials, tables or other combustible materials on their porches, balconies, lawns or any other property covered in the property's lease.
Any questions?
Tiger Bait
True freshman Jeff Driskel will be the starting quarterback for Florida — wearing jersey No. 16, in case you can't identify him later on — Saturday when the Gators play LSU. At Baton Rouge. In Death Valley. I fear for the kid's life, but if he wins the game for the Gators, Tim Tebow's "The Promise" will be overshadowed by Driskel being named "The Sixteenth Wonder of the World."
BOOM, Sooners?
The Red River Rivalry is this Saturday. Oklahoma is the favorite and, so far, passes the eyeball test for "looking like a BCS contender." Because their team is just completely awesome and looks like a world beater, how many Sooners fans are really nervous about this game? Because you know, it's not like Oklahoma has ever been top-ranked and well … blown it.
How To Win Over Pollsters 101
Alabama is favored by 29 points over 3-1 Vanderbilt. According to Alabama fans, head coach Nick Saban never runs up the score out of respect for his opponent. This is actually a brilliant use of Kool-Aid. If you blow out your opponent, then how great is your team when they were really "holding back" during the entire game? On the flip side, if you only win by the expected amount of points, you're showing respect to your opponent. I heart the SEC.
One More Month Until Hoops Starts
The 0-5 New Mexico Lobos have a bye this week. After a not-so-stunning loss to Sam Houston State in OT, New Mexico fired its coach Mike Locksley. Interim coach George Barlow was handed the keys to the Land of Enchantment's Lobos and they lived up to expectations by losing to New Mexico State 42-28.
The bad news: The Lobos defense has given up at least 40 points and 500 yards of offense in four consecutive games. The good news: Things can only get better. More bad news: Of their next seven games, five are on the road.
Public Service Announcements
The Maryland Terrapins — aka the Oregon Ducks 2.0 — travel to Atlanta to play Georgia Tech this Saturday. Please adjust your television's brightness level accordingly.
Memphis head coach Larry Porter (2-15) is still employed. How, exactly, is this possible?
