'Twas the night before Daytona, when all through the track ...

BY foxsports • February 22, 2014

'Twas the night before Daytona

When all through the track

Not a driver was stirring

'Cept for Kligerman who was still on his back.


All the cameras were hung

On their perches with care.

In hopes that Clint Bowyer

Would soon grab some air.


The drivers were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of the Earl trophy danced in their heads.


And Austin in his Stetson

And Larson like Jr. High

Had just settled in

To discuss Landon's black eye.


When out in the infield

Arose a voice much like Siri.

Austin sprang from his bed

To hear the latest conspiracy theory.


Away to the infield

And without feelings of chagrin

Austin dove head-first

Like he does after a win.


When, what to his wondering eyes should appear

But an old man wearing a tin foil hat

And trembling in fear.


With a picture of a restrictor plate

And a big rounded gut

Austin knew in a moment it was another conspiracy nut.


More nervous than a bubble driver

And possessing no shame

He shouted out the conspiracies

And called them by name:


"NASCAR is fixed! NASCAR is rigged!

They predetermine the winner!

The Lies! The stories! And don't forget Bowyer's a spinner!


To the top of the chain,

All the leaders will fall!

The truth is out there

I'm gonna reveal it all!"


His eyes - how they glazed

His foil how smooth.

And Austin burst out laughing.

I mean, what else could he do?


He spoke lots of words

Not a single one true,

And Austin looked forward

For him to be through.


All of a sudden he stopped,

And ran for the gate.

The Conspiracy Club was meeting,

And he didn't want to be late.


But Austin heard him exclaim

As he drove out of view,

"Happy 500 to you, Austin, but the winner better not be you."   

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