By Loren Sanders
Relationships are about compromise and problem solving. My brother and I could have fought over space in the car on long road trips, but we chose to build a wall of pillows and other paraphernalia between us in the backseat. Parents occasionally have to compromise with their children in the grocery store, if for nothing else than to just avoid one more meltdown in the cereal aisle. And, finally, men compromise with their wives or girlfriends by generally giving them whatever they want in all situations. But it’s football season. And we need our Saturdays.
My significant other, we’ll call her “She,” has been so gracious to allow me Saturdays in the fall in exchange for Fridays year round. Now, I used to trade baseball cards as a kid, and, as my cousin whose Cal Ripken rookie card I acquired would agree, I once was a better barterer than this agreement would indicate. Regardless, She has brainwashed me to believe that this agreement represents both fair compensation and true compromise.
As a result, Friday is bride day. From what I gather as I give 100% of my attention to She and her shows, when a girl gets engaged, cameras follow her around until she finds the gown, gets rescued by a guy with an enormous double-Windsor, says yes to the dress, and then invites three strangers to her wedding to judge her on her dress, food, atmosphere, and marriage officiant’s choice of deodorant.
She loves these shows. As a result, I have now seen most of them and their reruns. What have I learned from Friday nights? Basically, if ever I get engaged, I will pop the question and immediately move to one of those doomsday silos in Kansas until the rehearsal dinner.
You thought SEC football was competitive? Try competing with three other brides to see who has the best wedding… only it’s the other brides who are deciding how good your wedding was. Suddenly the BCS doesn’t look so bad.
If watching an Iowa and Purdue B1G showdown sounds miserable to an SEC fan, watching a bride-to-be entering four gown territory is just as rough on She.
I can’t help but watch in fear as girls go in and spend Cecil Newton bagman type money on a dress that they wear once. Then they buy another dress to leave in. Call me old fashioned, but I’m with She’s grandmother, “Honey, he’s not gonna care what you leave in.”
What has She learned? Beyond some of the intricacies of pass interference, I’m not really sure. If opposites attract, I’m the magnet that knows the difference between a slot and a wing. She’s the magnet that knows the difference between taffeta and chiffon. Here’s to me spending Fridays with She and to She spending Saturdays with me – or taking a nap while Uncle Verne chortles. Compromise.
This lesson in compromise doesn’t apply to you? You get to watch football all day Saturday and Sunday and still get free reign to do what you want on Fridays? If you’re single, enjoy looking forward to finding love. If you’re in a relationship, pray your wife or girlfriend truly enjoys football and isn’t just faking it all weekend while she plans your John Bobbitt moment.
