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Tonight is Kentucky -- Kansas in the final major college sporting event until August 31st.
And you want to say goodbye to a long offseason of college sports by drinking.
Probably heavily.
I know this because y'all have barraged me on Twitter for a new drinking game.
So I'm obliging.
Kentucky will win, which means we'll officially enter the four year NCAA statute of limitations waiting period to see whether or not this trip to the Final Four stands for John Calipari or will be vacated.
Here's a vote for vacated.
Which is why any fan with a soul should be rooting for Kansas tonight. After all, if Calipari had won the last time these two teams played, there wouldn't be a 2008 champion.
Plus, I like Lexington and would prefer that the city not burn to the ground if Kentucky wins.
My brother-in-law is a doctor at UK. During the riots on Saturday night, they shut down the hospital and wouldn't let him leave the hospital.
Really.
Good luck with that, Lexington.
Now let's get to drinking.
1. Every time Kentucky's youth is referenced, drink.
Honestly, this by itself would get you drunk.
2. For some reason, Clark Kellogg enjoys calling the basketball a pumpkin.
Drink every time he says pumpkin.
3. Bill Self beat John Calipari's Memphis team in the 2008 final.
Drink each time this is mentioned or highlights of that game are shown.
If Mario Chalmers is shown in the crowd tossing up the three goggles, do a shot.
4. If John Calipari is described as being to four Final Fours, drink.
He's been to two now.
The first two were vacated.
The NCAA's punishments are so punitive even its own television partners don't follow its record book.
5. James Naismith, the inventor of basketball, was Kansas's coach.
Every one on Earth who has watched a college basketball game featuring Kansas, knows this fact.
It will be mentioned at least once tonight as if no one has ever heard this before.
Drink.
6. Every time the camera catches a Kentucky fan with a Brow Down, unibrow mask, or some other definite unibrow related rooting device, drink.
If it's Anthony Davis's mom, do a shot.
(By the way, major props to 3HL listener Erin for coming up with these. Awesome idea).
7. Kansas's Jeff Withey used to play volleyball.
Wait, an athlete played another sport?
No way!
For some reason this is an irresistible factoid for television announcers.
Drink when this is mentioned.
8. Darius Miller is Kentucky's only senior that plays.
This will be mentioned fourteen times.
Drink every time.
9. Thomas Robinson flexes all the time on the basketball court.
Perhaps, he isn't aware that he's playing in a jersey with no sleeves? Hence he believes his muscles aren't visible?
Regardless, drink when Robinson flexes.
10. Every time the phrase, "one and done," is mentioned, drink.
Again, this alone could make you comotose.
11. Tyshawn Taylor's turnovers and absent three-point shooting have been major storylines of this NCAA tourney.
Drink any time either is mentioned.
12. Drink when Jim Nantz's schmaltzy pun/wordplay arrives to crown the champion.
When Kansas won in 2008 it was, "Rock, Chalk, Championship."
Here are two guesses:
For Kentucky:
"Take a brow, Wildcats are champions."
For Kansas:
"Self-less, Kansas chalks another one up."
