All That and a Bag of Mail: Kingsbury Adds a Puppy Edition
It's Friday, you're pretending to work while reading OKTC, and it's mailbag time.
Let's dive in now.
First, our beaver pelt trader of the week comes via nominee from Brian H.
"Tavon "Bulldog" White... inmate in Maryland prison. Got four female guards pregnant (one twice). Two of them had his name tattooed. P.I.M.P. read the Gawker story if you haven't already..."
"Tavon White fathered five children by four different guards between 2011 and 2012. Two of the women later had “Tavon” tattooed on their bodies (one her neck, the other on her wrist). One was given a diamond ring, and both were allowed to drive Mercedes Benzes belonging to White. A third woman was provided an Acura. No word on what the fourth woman got."
The woman who got the Acura had to be pissed, right?
White headed up the "Black Guerilla Family" prison gang -- which somehow feels racist just to type -- and this story provides further evidence that women are desperate to find men.
Think about this for a minute, you know White couldn't hide this relationships from the other women, right? (If he managed to hide four simultaneous relationships with prison guards while restricted to a jail cell being watched over by these prison guards, he's the greatest player of all time).
So all these women are competing for a prison inmate?
I'm willing to give one of these women a pass. So you fall in love with the leader of the Black Guerilla Family prison gang who currently lives in a jail cell and you find yourself pregnant with a prisoner you're in charge of watching all the time?
Hey, it happens.
So you can't go to Chili's on the weekend? Small price to pay, you know where he is all the time, no matter what the guy who lives in the jail cell is going to be faithful to you because his other options are men and then...oh, hell no.
But once you found out that three other women were also sleeping with him, wouldn't that impact your feelings a bit? And let's say you were the first woman who got the Tavon tattoo, do you really want to be the second woman to get a tattoo with the name of a man your job requires you to protect on your body? As if the babies weren't evidence enough, now you've got a tattoo of his name on your body? And no one thinks to wear a condom during sex with a prison inmate? No one?
I mean, you're sleeping with a prison inmate, these guys aren't exactly renowned for their hygiene. (Derek Dooley would be truly appalled at the shower etiquette in prison).
In general men attract women with some combination of these four factors: money, looks, talent and wit.
Evidently freedom is negotiable.
Play on playa.
Fredric L. writes:
"Ladies love puppies, ladies love Kliff. Together they might be unstoppable."
Kliff Kingsbury getting a puppy is like a Barry Bonds taking performance enhancing drugs, it's just unfair and kills the integrity of the game.
Every woman -- and many men -- near Lubbock already wanted to sleep with Kingsbury before he became a multi-millionaire head coach. Now he's a multi-millionaire head coach with a puppy. If Kingsbury adopts an adorable African baby girl, the rest of us should just go plan on our wives standing in a long line outside Kingsbury's house like when they give away free pancakes at IHOP.
You can't stop Kliff Kingsbury's sexual magnetism, you can only hope to contain it.
If Tavon "Bulldog" White can get five women pregnant in two years while in prison, how many women could Kliff Kingsbury impregnate?
A billion is the answer.
James W. writes:
"In honor of the NFL Draft taking place over the weekend, and since you are the self-proclaimed (unverified) master of online dating, who better to ask for dating advice - NFL Draft style? I'll give 5 prospects and some pros/cons (and Mel Kiper cliches) for each; please rank them in order of draftabilty.
"I will be finishing up my last exam of law school at Florida today. It's been a long three years and I'm doing a bit of soul searching. I don't have a job lined up, don't really have any serious leads, and don't feel like I have a clue what I'm going to do with my life. My dream has always been to work in sports but I don't see many opportunities at this point. The whole thing is a bit discouraging. As a fellow law school grad, I was hoping you could give a quick pep talk to all the soon-to-be lawyers and graduating 3Ls.
If nothing else, maybe I'll come out of my three hour exam tomorrow and see my name in the mailbag. That might be the only thing that goes right for me until I crack my first beer as a free man around noon. Despite the dark days ahead with the bar exam and the terrible job prospects in the legal field, we'll be partying in Gainesville tomorrow night like we have college football on Saturday. Fortunately, the Gators report to camp in 89 days. I'll still be jobless, but I'll be truly happy."
I hear from a lot of law school students these days because the job market is beyond awful and because I have a non-traditional lawyer's job. Lots of you guys are really struggling to find jobs and that seems pretty unfair because you have a great deal of debt and in the past law degrees have been pretty good safety nets.
The only thing worse than studying for the bar exam is studying for a bar exam with no job and no real prospects of a job.
I know how stressful that is, but just know that the stress is infinitely lower as long as you are single and don't have kids. (If you're married with kids and went to law school to guarantee your family a better income, then I really feel for you guys and girls. That, my friends, is true stress.) If you're single without kids, the amount of money you have to make is still pretty low.
The awful legal environment is actually a chance to do exactly what you want to do. I'd try to look at it as an opportunity as opposed to an obstacle. Too often I feel like young lawyers -- and other young grads -- get locked into how much money they're making.
Why do you need that much money? Just about any job you take is going to be more money than you were making before, right? So find something you love and get to it.
In years past lots of young lawyers made the "smart" decision and took the big firm jobs because they paid the best. These jobs are awful and only a few of you will manage to stick it out for very long at these places. Two of my best friends got married recently, there were 25 lawyers that I graduated with at these weddings. Do you know how many of those people are still in the job they took upon graduation?
One out of twenty-five.
And, like a lot of you, we were all obsessed over what that first job would be.
But the first job you take isn't likely to last that long.
Instead, find something that you love to do and see if you can make a living at it. Don't worry about your income. You're smart enough to graduate from Florida law school, that's never going to hurt your pursuit of what you like to do. And if you're smart enough to graduate from Florida law school, you're probably smart enough to dominate a new, non-legal field.
You're talking to a guy who practiced law for two years and then took off the fall to write a book about going around to every SEC football stadium.
That risk paid off big time, but it's not a straight line of success. I went to Deadspin, which was a disaster, and a little over two years ago FanHouse, a place I loved to work, ceased to exist. My income took a massive hit and I had a three-year old and a four-month old at home.
But FanHouse ceasing to exist turned out to be the best thing that could have ever happened to my career.
I decided to start Outkick two years ago -- something I probably wouldn't have done if FanHouse didn't die -- and I've had more fun in the past two years than ever before. The site is flourishing, you guys are spectacular at keeping me entertained, and I love every day of my work. But if you'd told me when I graduated from law school in 2004 what I'd be doing for a living nine years later, I would have said you were crazy.
So to the young lawyers out there struggling to find jobs, find something you really love and keep doing it.
Eventually that pays off.