All That and a Bag of Mail: Dufner Outkicking Edition
It's Friday, time for the mailbag. I'm flying from West Virginia to Alabama today. Shockingly there are no direct commercial flights from West Virginia to Alabama. So I'm relying on shaky wifi to carry me through. I spent the day in Morgantown, West Virginia filming some excellent footage for Outkick that I believe you'll all be able to see before too long. In the meantime, let's get right to the mailbag.
Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Su Wu who conducted this Willow and Jaden Smith interview. If you haven't read it, do it now. The entire thing is insane. I think my favorite part is where Willow says she doesn't read any books except for the ones she writes herself.
On to the mailbag.
"Clay, did you see where Jason Dufner's wife posted a seated backwards topless photo on her Instagram and then deleted it? Do you think Dufner told her to take the picture down? Or do you think she posted it and then changed her mind?"
Dufner is an Outkick the Coverage hall of famer. He's just automatically inducted by popular acclimation. To Dufner's credit he even seems as if he's attempting to emphasize the degree to which he outkicked his coverage in every picture I see of the two of them. In their beach photos his wife is gorgeous and he looks like a half-eaten banana popsicle. I respect that.
He's also an Auburn guy and he stole a hot Alabama girl, which is basically like winning ten Iron Bowls in a row. You ask an interesting question though. First, are we sure he didn't take the photo and then post it and she was upset at him and deleted it? I think that's more likely. She didn't take the photo herself. So who took it? Probably him, right? I bet he posted it because he was proud of how hot his wife is and then she was like, "Jaasson, my mom and my nanna will see that!"
And then she deleted it and pretended she was really mad at him, but secretly was happy that her husband finds her so hot.
So that's my Zaprudering of the Amanda Dufner Instagram pic.
I don't believe she would post it herself because I don't think most wives -- who don't make a living off being models -- would post that picture if they thought their husbands wouldn't approve. So I don't buy that he told her to take it down.
Having said that, nudity is becoming less and less of a big deal. It seems like every single person in America between 18 and 30 has naked photos out there somewhere on the Internet. It's a whole new world. Being naked isn't that big of a deal for college kids these days. I'm 35 and when I was growing up we used to spend whole months gameplanning ways to see women naked in magazines or on TV. Every guy reading this right now who is older than thirty has jerked off to scrambled Playboy at some point in his life. People who are younger than thirty have no idea what scrambled Playboy even is because they grew up with Internet porn.
Remember what a big deal it was when someone famous decided to pose nude in Playboy? Who knew that as soon as we all had incredibly powerful computers in our hands we would spend so much time taking naked photos and sending them around the world?
Plus, Dufner's wife's photo wasn't scandalous by any means. It would be like the 479th most risque photo in the SI Swimsuit Issue. So my theory remains that Dufner took it and posted it and then she deleted it.
'So I tried your idea about filming tantrums and showing them to your kid to embarrass them. My five year old thought it was hysterical. No embarrassment. So back to the drawing board."
Clearly your kid is a sociopath.
Congrats, he's going to grow up to be CEO of a multinational corporation.
"Before being reinstated for the Auburn game, Todd Gurley had to submit a schedule detailing how he would complete his community service by the end of the season. I read today that he is still "required" by the NCAA to fulfill this schedule. What are the chances that he follows through with the community service now?
Because this is Georgia, I'm pretty sure the following scenario will happen. Missouri will lose to Tennessee or Arkansas. Georgia will win out the rest of the season and go on to upset Alabama in the SEC Championship game. A bunch of other losses will happen so that Georgia is perfectly set up to grab that fourth spot in the playoffs. But, before the selection committee meets, the NCAA will rule that Gurley is retroactively ineligible for the Auburn game because he never performed his community service. The NCAA will rule that Georgia has to vacate the Auburn win and be handed a three year bowl ban, thus eliminating them from the playoffs. Later it will be revealed that the NCAA felt they had to make the ruling after Mark Richt self reported the fact that Todd Gurley failed to complete his community service. Next year, while under the bowl ban, Georgia goes undefeated.
As a adult member of the human race, I find the above scenario too fantastic to be true. As a Georgia fan, I'm pretty sure that it is going to happen."
I'm actually convinced Georgia is going to Georgia the SEC this year. Wouldn't it be the most Georgia thing possible for the Bulldogs to beat 11-1 Alabama and knock the SEC out of the inaugural playoff.
Can you imagine if the playoff four is Oregon, FSU, Baylor and Ohio State? With Georgia 5th, Ole Miss 6th, Alabama 7th, and Mississippi State 8th.
Don't laugh, that could really happen if Ole Miss beats Mississippi State and then Georgia beats Alabama in the SEC title game. (TCU would also need to lose to Texas). But the SEC missing the playoff and then having the next four ranked teams would be incredible.
"Due to unknown circumstances, your wife must sleep with one of two men for you to keep your job, keep your kids, remain a gay Muslim, etc. Whomever she doesn't sleep with moves in with you forever and becomes your shadow. The two choices are Nick Saban and Lane Kiffin. Who do you choose to sleep with your wife, and why?"
First, I wouldn't get to pick, my wife would. Second, I'm much less troubled with the the sleeping with my wife part than I am having to live with Lane Kiffin or Nick Saban for the rest of my life. That's awful. I can't anticipate any situation where I'd be willing to be shadowed by anyone. Much less a guy who doesn't seem like much fun to be around. Can you imagine what a jerk Nick Saban would be in your house? What about Lane Kiffin? It's horrible to even think about.
Plus. I don't anticipate that Nick Saban or Lane Kiffin are such skilled lovers that I'd really have to worry about anything. (Although is there any doubt that Nick Saban has purchased multiple books on lovemaking and studied them? If Nick Saban wrote a sex help book called, "The Process of Sex," how many copies would it sell in Alabama? Also any doubt that Kiffin would last like 28 seconds and insist on making love in front of a mirror and then only look at himself the entire time?)
If this trust is put in place prior to signing with a school, where he has no access to it until graduation, can he become ineligible for anonymous donations to that trust fund? If we set up a snapchat username/account as the power of attorney for that trust and allowed anyone who wanted to make a donation for any reason could that athlete face penalties although he did nothing but open an account? If we set up this account I guarantee you people start donating their drunk asses off when Gurley breaks one for 80, or goes down for the year. Obviously there are a million bases you have to cover but what main obstacles would we face along the way?"
A college athlete can't receive preferential treatment based on his college athlete status. For instance, a car dealership or jewelry store couldn't give the athlete a new car or a piece of jewelry with the understanding that he'd pay for it after graduation. Your hypothesis would essentially be the same thing.
So it isn't allowed.
"In light of UCLA national championship betting lines moving so much since you took them at 200-1, do you think there will ever be a betting futures market? Say you bet $100 on UCLA, could someone buy your 200-1 ticket for $500 for a chance to win $20k? Would you take it? Do you think someone would ever open a marketplace for this? If you do, and are interested in starting this business with me then don't publish this and let's do business!
There should definitely be a futures market for buying and selling championship odds in real time. Unfortunately that's not legal right now. It should be, but it isn't.
I'm feeling pretty good about my Baylor at 20-1 bet and my UCLA at 200-1 bet. The best case scenario for me -- other than these two teams playing for the title -- would be both teams advance to the playoff and play in the first round. I'd have an awesome hedging opportunity then. Based on how high these odds were all I really need to make good money is for either of these teams to advance to the playoff.
I would make all drugs, gambling, and prostitution legal. Then I would tax it. The cost of the products would plummet without the fear of arrest and illegality. With the hundreds of billions of dollars I would save avoiding the need for criminal pursuit of these crimes and jailing of nonviolent drug offenders, I would treat those who are addicts and spend the rest of the money I saved providing free college education for all who wanted it. Put simply, I'd rather invest in the young than punish adults.
Sure, you'd lose some people to drug, gambling, and sex addictions, but that happens already. You can't protect people from themselves.
We've tried prohibition. It doesn't work.
"My wife and I are Aggies, and she shares my passion for college football. And she is hot, so I married her. We have opted out of fantasy leagues this year and to fill the void of friendly competition started a college football pick 'em competition every week. We pick SEC, BIG 12 and top 25 games straight up. We discussed what to wager before we began, but never decided on anything. Here we are near the end of the season and I am ahead. What should we wager? For reference, we have 2 boys ages 2 and 4. We both get (or have) to stay at home with the kids about 3 days a week while the other one of us goes to work. We are middle class and have been married for 7 years. We discussed having the winner get a free day without kids or spouse responsibility, various sexual favors or just guilt free money to spend as you choose. As I said, we have not decided for sure on what the winner will get, and as I am ahead, I am in a tough spot to now call the prize. Any thoughts? She reads the mailbag as well so hopefully you will suggest something I like and she will just go with it. Love you babe... Not you Clay, your gay,"
This is easy.
A weekend without kids. You don't even have to go very far away. Or even leave your house. Find someone who will keep your kids. If you win, she has to find someone, if she wins, you have to find someone. This way you both win no matter the result. You can go see a movie on consecutive days. You can even go to a matinee. You can go to dinner and have more than two drinks and not have to think about how you'll feel after drinking when your kids wake you up the next morning.
You have a two and a four year old. Do you know what the best possible gift either of you can receive is? When you go to bed in your own house you can turn your phones off, shut the blinds, turn off the clocks, and no one is there to wake you up in the morning. You have no reason whatsoever to have to get up out of bed at all.
Trust me, this is as good as it gets for the parents of young kids.