The odds of Jeffrey Kohnlein becoming the next head football coach at the University of Wisconsin were as astronomical as his house being struck by a meteorite. Considering he possessed no football coaching background whatsoever, maybe the odds were even longer.
In fact, he figured himself more likely to win some type of Powerball jackpot than take over the Badgers football program.
"I wouldn't even equate it to the lottery because if you play the lottery, you actually have a chance of potentially winning, although obviously it's extremely small," Kohnlein said. "When it comes to this, you can't even say it's a zero-percent chance. It's a negative-percent chance for anybody out there in my type of role."
Yet that realization didn't stop Kohnlein — and dozens of other unqualified applicants — from submitting a resume and cover letter for Wisconsin's vacant head-coaching position in December. The school posted the job opening on its human-resources website, allowing any Joe Average to apply. And apply they did.
Last Wednesday, Deadspin.com posted Wisconsin's entire stack of applicants after obtaining the information through a public-records request. Kohnlein was among those whose cover letter was featured prominently at the top of the website because of how comically inexperienced he was for the position, which preferred candidates to have "five years of successful college football coaching experience."
Kohnlein, 31, is a Badgers fan who works as an executive recruiter for GE Capital's retail finance division in Milwaukee and saw the opening when a friend posted the link on Facebook. Other than playing what he said was one-and-a-half years of high school football, he had no roots in the sport. Instead, he tried to sell himself as someone who played one year of NCAA Division III baseball and whose assistant coach currently worked as an assistant with the Phoenix Suns — in a cover letter that he said took "probably two minutes" to write.
Wisconsin, of course, would go on to hire Gary Andersen, whose credentials were considerably more reputable. Andersen previously served as head coach at Utah State for four years and led the program last season to its first outright league title since 1936.
In addition to Kohnlein, Deadspin.com noted other under-qualified applicants included a local Walgreen's pharmacist, a FedEx driver and "a lawyer who listed among his ‘relevant experience' the fact that he has ‘excelled in various fantasy baseball and football leagues.' "
So why apply for a job which you have no intention of obtaining?
The answer is simple: For the sake of doing it, telling all your friends and (hopefully) collecting a rejection letter from Wisconsin athletic director Barry Alvarez to frame on a mantle.
Just ask Matt Hensler, who applied for the Wisconsin opening and has made a hobby of submitting applications for positions he would never attain.
Hensler said he applied for the vacant Air Force Academy football coaching position after Fisher DeBerry retired in 2006 and for the Navy opening after Paul Johnson left for Georgia Tech in 2007. He also once applied for the Chicago Bears offensive coordinator position a few years back.
"The only thing I ever wanted was an official looking letter on Wisconsin Badgers letterhead signed from Barry Alvarez saying, ‘You're way under-qualified for this job. Thanks for applying.' " Hensler said.
"I just wanted to frame it, put it in my rec room or something. That's honest to God what I wanted out of this. This is the furthest I've gotten. At least I got a mass email that was really generic. At least it was something. None of those other places responded."
Unlike other candidates, Hensler possesses 18 years of high school football coaching experience, including the last 12 as a head coach. He has been the head coach at Badger High School in Lake Geneva, Wis., for the past six seasons.
Badger High's mascot? The Badgers.
"That was one of the things I mentioned in my resume tongue-in-cheek was that we're the Badgers, so my wardrobe wouldn't have to change," said Hensler, 40. "I was trying to play with them. My stationary and letterhead and all the stuff I use, all our playbooks, I wouldn't have to change anything."
Much like Kohnlein and Hensler, Trevor Wirth had no misconception about his place in Wisconsin's football program. Still, the Madison native and 2009 graduate of Ripon (Wis.) College, said he felt compelled to apply anyway.
Wirth is two months from earning his master's degree in sports management from Southern New Hampshire University and wants to pursue a career in NCAA compliance. He said he found the opening on the NCAA website soon after former Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema left to take the head-coaching job at Arkansas.
"Once Bielema went away, looking at that site, that job posted up," Wirth said. "It just clicked in my head that I'm just going to do it. I had no intention of getting the position. It was more for sure getting a letter from Wisconsin saying, ‘Sorry, you weren't chosen to be the head coach of the Wisconsin Badgers.' "
Wirth, who played four years of Division III football at Ripon, noted he accidentally submitted parts of a cover letter that was three years old, including his experience as a lacrosse coach in college, which certainly didn't help his chances to land the job.
"Once I copied and pasted it into the website, it got switched to my other one," he said. "Luckily, it still said it was for the Badgers and didn't say some random other team."
There was no signed note from Wisconsin's athletic director waiting in Wirth's mailbox. He received a generic rejection email, as did the other average Joes who applied with no hope of securing an interview.
Of course, advancing in the search process was never really the point for any of them anyway.
"I'm not delusional," Hensler said. "I knew what the situation was. Not to say I wouldn't have gone to an interview. I'm not stupid, either. But I knew I wasn't going to get that far."
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