My Week Four 2013 Picks and Viewer Guide
We continue to fight the good fight when it comes to our weekly picks.
Last week we were 3-2 with a push in the Louisville at Kentucky game.
That runs the yearly tally to a robust 11-8. So we're right at 58%. Not great, but not awful either. We're still making you a bit of money and trying to break out into the open field here sometime soon.
This week's games are, let's be honest, pretty awful.
Georgia -32 vs. North Texas
Why schedule an open date before the LSU game when you can schedule an open date before North Texas?
Because it's what Georgia does!
LSU -17 vs Auburn
This seems like a really big number and I feel nervous pulling the favorite trigger here because even last year's awful Gene Chizik Auburn team kept this game close.
But it's LSU at home at night and I think Les Miles's boys are ready to demonstrate they're an elite SEC team.
Meanwhile Gus Malzahn's Auburn team is a paper thin 3-0.
So I'm rolling with the purple Tigers.
UT at Florida the under on 47.5
Look, I've picked this game wrong a ton over the years because I'm always too optimistic for Tennessee. No longer. I like the under here because I don't think Tennessee can score very many points. I also don't think that Florida can score very many points.
Like life in the 17th century, this game will be nasty, brutish, and short.
Like life in my high school, no one will really score.
Missouri -2 at Indiana
I swear to God, Mizzou, if you guys go on the road and lose to Indi -- bleeping -- ana with a bye week to prepare for this game, I might fire Gary Pinkel on the spot myself.
Navy won by six at Indiana.
Don't blow this.
Texas A&M -28 vs. SMU
You know you're a degenerate gambler when you find yourself watching late fourth quarter football in a long-decided game rooting for a backdoor cover on a last second drive.
Last week I wanted Kentucky to kick the field goal against Louisville on their final drive of the day. They were down 14. I didn't care. Show some pride, you're not winning, at least cover and make the home fans happy! It's the least you can do!
I love when your underdog has comfortably covered, but they're driving late down 8 points with the line sitting at 14 and you find yourself talking to the quarterback like you're a Jedi gambling warrior, "If you throw a pick six here, I will strangle you to death without moving from this couch. I'm not playing. Don't try me."
Anyway, A&M's the pick here.
Arizona State at Stanford -7
It's time for Stanford to demonstrate they're a legit national title contender.
Because so far Stanford hasn't looked that good this season and they're 0-2 against the number.
That changes tonight.
Stanford gets it done for my boy Coy Wire.
Now it's time for my weekly viewer guide.
1. Start off your day with our crew on Fox College Saturday.
We're on FS1, a channel that all of you get.
Hell, if I'm getting up at 4:30 pacific and riding to the studio when cops are still setting up DUI checkpoints in Los Angeles, the least you can do is turn it over and see how large the bags are under my eyes.
2. Tennessee at Florida, 3:30 et, CBS
Remember back when this was the best college game in September?
And you were still young and your life was awesome and if you got really lucky you'd end up at the same bar as that really hot girl from your bio lab that you'd been trying to hook up with for months and she just might have had enough to drink that when you started to dance with her when Britney Spears "Baby One More Time," came on she thought you danced really well.
Then you hooked up with her and you were all like, "Big deal, we'll beat Florida next year, it's a rivalry game."
Yeah, you were wrong.
And now you're old.
And your team sucks.
So, enjoy your fall.
Honestly, unless you're a diehard Vol or Gator fan, there's really no reason for you to put this game on either. You might as well go ahead and take the kids for an entire day and score as many quality dad points as is reasonably possible. You'll need them later.
3. Arizona State at Stanford, 7 et, Fox
If he wins this game anyone else think that Arizona State's Todd Graham will demand that the plane stop in Los Angeles so he can hand deliver his resume to Pat Haden at USC?
Lane Kiffin, who will inevitably have just lost 4-3 to Utah State, will be crying in Haden's office with a mixtape he made of USC highlights from the 2005 season. A tear-stricken Kiffin will look up and say, "You don't live here, Todd Graham, just go away. Go. Away!"
4. SMU at Texas A&M, 7 et, ESPNU
When Johnny Football's on television, you watch.
Especially when he's playing SMU and you halfway think boosters might try and pay him to change sides at halftime.
You know the SMU boosters up in the suites smoking cigars thinking, "Damn, I wish Johnny Football had been playing in 1982. Can you imagine if we'd bought him Eric Dickerson and Craig James? Unstoppable."
5. Auburn at LSU, 7:45 et, ESPN
I mean, it's Les Miles at night from Baton Rouge going up against Auburn.
Anything could happen.
Thank God this game is on the schedule.
Even if no one seems to actually realize it's being played this year.
6. Michigan at UConn, 8 et, ABC
This game is just on our viewer guide because it's ABC's game of the week.
Really, this happened.
Where does this rank all-time in the modern annals of worst games of the week?
UConn lost at home by 15 points to Towson.
This entire game is like a bad joke.
Brent Musburger should open the broadcast by saying, "You're looking live at Storrs, ah f--- it, let's go get drunk."
(FYI, half the country will also get Kansas State at Texas. Which is also an awful game. So this entire week is just a gigantic TV fail.)
You know how I always write that there's no excuse for getting married in the fall?
I was wrong.
The September 21st football schedule is a massive exception to that rule.
If you're going to a wedding on Saturday, you really have nothing to complain about.