Welcome to the Inaugural Golden Cleatus Awards! This celebration recognizes the finest and foulest the football season had to offer, highlighting the preeminent performances that delivered fantasy fruition to a multitude of owners while disparaging the dreadful displays that made managers curse the roto gods. One would think hosting such a pigskin party would have the entertainment industry’s best lining up to obtain emcee duties; alas, all which were extended the invite declined, leaving yours truly to man the master of ceremonies’ gig. (To be fair, only Taco from The League and Gus Johnson were offered these honors, and for all I know, they could have accepted. Unfortunately, my password for my voicemail is invalid, leaving me in the dark to the contents of roughly 104 messages from the past five weeks. But I digress…)
All winners are presented with the “Golden Cleatus” modeled after America’s beloved gridiron android, and receiving such an accolade outweighs any sentiment derived from winning the Lombardi Trophy or the birth of a child. On to the nominees…
The Kurt Warner Breakthrough Performance
Nominees: Cam Newton, Matthew Stafford, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham, Victor Cruz
The winner: Cam Newton. Bereft of a normal offseason regimen, the former Heisman winner’s preseason spectacle fitted the stereotypical expectation from a neophyte field general: mainly, an exhibition of errors sprinkled with hints of potential. So when Newton unleashed a dominating performance of 422 passing yards and three excursions to the end zone on the Arizona Cardinals in Week 1, the deed, while applauded, was merited little weight and chalked up to the atrociousness of the Arizona secondary. Yet the cold-blooded conquests became a recurring theme from the Carolina QB, and the football world came to a collective realization in Week 4 (after Newton dropped 409 total yards and three scores against a tough Chicago squad) that the No. 1 overall pick’s feats were no fluke. With a week left to play, Newton has a rookie record of 3,893 passing yards, 674 yards on the ground and 34 touchdowns (20 in the air and 14 in the rushing game, with the latter the highest accumulation of scores for a signal caller).
The Fred Taylor Injury Accolade
Nominees: Jamal Charles, Andre Johnson, Matt Forte, Darren McFadden
The winner: Andre Johnson. Charles went down in Week 2, delivering a devastating blow to his proprietors that selected the Kansas City back in the first round. Yet the setback was early enough to provide owners the time, resources and opportunities to salvage their season. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Johnson. Lingering hamstring issues sidelined Johnson for six games, about three contests more than the perennial Pro Bowler was projected to miss. Johnson had abbreviated appearances in Weeks 12 and 13 before returning to the infirmary with another hamstring ailment. Worse, the ambiguity on Johnson’s arrival forced managers to waste a roster spot on the wideout in hopes of a rebound that never materialized. All in all, Johnson played in six games in 2011, and was effective in just four.
The Wes Welker Waiver-Wire Reward
Nominees: Marshawn Lynch, Michael Bush, Laurent Robinson, Antonio Brown
The winner: Marshawn Lynch. Confession: I’m extremely biased with this presentation, as “Beast Mode” ranks in the upper echelon of current nicknames in the sporting world. Throw in our shared affinity for Skittles and it was a no-brainer. After a slow start to the season (263 yards and three touchdowns in the first six games), Lynch kicked it into overdrive for the second half of the year, amassing 855 yards and nine trips to paydirt since the onset of November. Lynch was also the only rusher to find the end zone and rack up 100 yards against the formidable 49ers defense in 2011. What’s amazing is Lynch accomplished these achievements sans help of a passing attack, as opponents were able to focus on stopping the bruising back without fear of retribution from the erratic arms of Tarvaris Jackson and Charlie Whitehurst. Envision Lynch as a top-10 fantasy back entering 2012.
The Earnest Graham Late-Season Addition Award
Nominees: C.J. Spiller, Toby Gerhart, Demaryius Thomas, Malcom Floyd
The winner: Demaryius Thomas. Both Spiller and Gerhart have been superb in substitute duty the past month, with Spiller posting 463 total yards and four touchdowns in December compared to Gerhart’s 542 total yards and three scores. But its Thomas' proficiency in a pedestrian Denver passing attack that earns this praise, as the second-year man out of Georgia Tech hauled in 22 receptions for 414 yards and three touchdowns in the past four weeks. The severity of this endeavor is known to those who have watched Young Jedi Master Tebow short hop or lead Thomas astray in an array of attempts in this time span. Not sure Jerry Rice could compete in such conditions.
The Jon Kitna Mediocrity Medal
Nominees: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Mark Sanchez, Cedric Benson, Eric Decker
The winner: Ryan Fitzpatrick. This backhanded compliment stings a bit, as no one is a bigger proponent of the Bearded Bomber than moi. Unfortunately, for someone with such September hype (72-for-111, 841 yards and nine touchdowns), Fitzpatrick was futile in continuing these exploits, throwing 13 scores versus 16 picks since October. The Buffalo QB remained relevant in the fantasy forum thanks to 3,525 yards, warranting implementation in deeper leagues or two-QB formats. Still, it’s safe to say the Bills are regretting handing Fitzpatrick that $59 million contract extension in late October.
The Jerome Bettis “Bust” Who Wasn’t Really a Bust Bestowal
Nominees: Philip Rivers, Chris Johnson, Vincent Jackson, Jermichael Finley
The winner: Chris Johnson. One’s feelings toward Johnson are predicated on his draft position, which fluctuated dramatically depending on the date of the selection process (earlier drafts slated Johnson as an early pick, while drafts in late August had the Tennessee back falling down the board as a correlation to his holdout). But while CJ2K (which quickly became a satirical handle) felt short of his preseason forecast, Johnson is 14 yards away from a 1,000-yard season.
The Arian Foster Late-Round Steal
Nominees: Fred Jackson, Darren Sproles, Jordy Nelson, Steve Smith
The winner: Steve Smith. Jackson’s injury hurt his chances at the award, while Sproles’ value varied depending on PPR implications. Nelson certainly can make a case, as he’s been more consistent and benefits from Smith’s slide in the second half of the season. However, while Nelson is still a young, developing player, many prognosticators believed Smith to be at the end of his road. Throw in the better overall totals, plus the fear that Smith would hunt me down and release a whoopin’ if I failed to grant him the award, and Smith comes out victorious.
The Shaun Alexander Past Their Prime Prize
Nominees: Carson Palmer, LaDainian Tomlinson, Chad Ochocinco, Lee Evans
The winner: Chad Ochocinco. Remember how playing with Tom Brady was going to revitalize the career of the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson?
Yeah, about that...
The big secret on Ochocinco that drove former Bengal quarterback Palmer crazy and never saw the light of day since Cincinnati is a small-market town: Ocho lacked the capability to comprehend a playbook. This deficiency quickly reared its ugly head in training camp and hasn’t been overcome. Once thought as a dark horse to make the Pro Bowl, Ochocinco stands with a meager 15 catches for 276 yards and a lone score.
The Kevin Curtis One-Week Wonder
Nominees: Chad Henne, James Casey, Kevin Smith, Ed Dickson
The winner: Kevin Smith. Poor dude. The man finally gets his chance to shine and doesn’t disappoint, submitting a 200-yard day against the Panthers (140 rushing, 61 yards receiving) with three trips to the end zone. Regrettably, Smith suffered an ankle sprain the next week against Green Bay and hasn’t been the same since.
Peyton Manning Lifetime Fantasy Achievement
The winner: Tony Gonzalez. The venerable tight end appeared to be kaput after the 2010 campaign, with his 656 yards the lowest output since the 1998 season. Apropos, then, that Gonzo would turn back the clock and tender an All-Star-caliber season, bringing in 79 receptions for 867 yards and seven scores. Monster production out of the position may be commonplace for the foreseeable future thanks to Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham, but Gonzalez for years was head-and-shoulders above his competition, and was one of the few tight ends that could be trusted on a weekly basis. With over 13,000 yards and 95 touchdowns to his resume, there’s no doubt Gonzo earns induction into the Fantasy Hall of Fame.
All-Cleatus Team
QB: Cam Newton, Panthers
Earns the nod over Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and Tom Brady due to his later-round draft position and dexterity in the ground game.
RB: Ryan Mathews, Chargers
After a forgettable rookie showing that led pigskin pundits to place Mathews in the early 20s in running back fantasy rankings, the Fresno State product answered with vigor, running for over 1,000 yards and adding another 455 yards in the aerial attack. This despite dealing with numerous ailments throughout the season.
RB: Marshawn Lynch, Seahawks
Reggie Bush’s stellar season could also warrant mention, but again…how do you not love the moniker of “Beast Mode” in today’s culture of name-abbreviation (A-Rod, J-Kidd) nicknames?
WR: Victor Cruz, Giants
Cruz was the only constant in a receiving corps riddled with departure (Steve Smith, Kevin Boss) and injuries (Mario Manningham, Hakeem Nicks), finishing with 76 receptions for 1,358 yards and eight touchdowns.
WR: Wes Welker, Patriots
Welker’s injuries the past two seasons put his fantasy worth in doubt. With a league-leading 116 receptions (20 catches more than his nearest competitor), those apprehensions have been alleviated.
TE: Rob Gronkowski, Patriots
The consensus alleged that Gronk and fellow Patriot tight end Aaron Hernandez would constrain each other’s value. A few missed games from Hernandez aided Gronkowski’s targets, but Gronk received the majority of red-zone looks even with Hernandez in the lineup. Gronkowski set the record for most touchdowns by a tight end with 15 scores, and currently leads all players at the position in receiving yards with 1,219.
DEF: San Francisco 49ers
Mentioned above, the Niners surrendered just one rushing touchdown on the season and held opposing rushing games to a league-low 75 yards per contest.
K: David Akers, 49ers
Akers was not brought back to Philly, as the Eagles believed the booter washed-up. Akers responded with a league-leading 42 successful field goals in helping the Niners to a division crown.
Flop of the Year
Nominees: Josh Freeman, Sam Bradford, LeGarrette Blount, Peyton Hillis, DeSean Jackson, Mark Ingram, Mike Williams (TB)
The inclusion of three Buccaneers sums up Tampa Bay’s season, no?
Hard to hate on Williams, as Freeman’s unreliability translated to his demise. After his second-half splurge in 2010, I thought Blount was poised to make the leap into the upper stratum of running backs; turns out Blount was a bigger bomb than Mars Needs Moms. Ingram’s arrival in the Big Easy was supposed to provide the long-awaited rushing option to the Saints’ offense. Injuries didn’t help, but Ingram has just 474 yards heading into Week 17. Jackson held his owners hostage for most of the fall with his apathetic play. Yet none quite compared to…
The winner: Peyton Hillis. Not for the strep throat controversy, the seven missed games, or the Madden Curse. What earns Hillis this dishonor is his elevated play the last two weeks after he submarined the seasons of his teams, with the improved performance an obvious ploy for a new contract. Thanks for nothing, clown.
Fantasy MVP
Nominees: Aaron Rodgers, Cam Newton, Ray Rice, LeSean McCoy, Arian Foster, Calvin Johnson, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham
Newton’s volume of turnovers (16 interceptions, two fumbles) holds him from the distinction. Ray Rice was a godsend in PPR leagues, while McCoy was the top dog in standard formats. Had Foster’s first three weeks not been ruined by injury, the Texan would have taken home the prize for the second year in a row. Johnson somewhat cooled off from his blazing start, and Gronkowski and Graham are too similar to award the nobility upon either, leaving…
The winner: Aaron Rodgers. Hard to argue with 4,643 yards, 257 yards on the ground, just six turnovers and 48 total touchdowns. Plus he gave us the joy of the Discount Double Check. It’s not exactly a championship belt, but I’m sure Mr. Rodgers will find a place for the Golden Cleatus in his trophy mantle.
FOX Fantasy Football Homepage | Football Chat Central
