LAWRENCE, Kan. — Charlie The Charmer was in rare form Wednesday, leaving 'em rolling in the aisles again. The only thing missing were the rim shots. Rim shots and a defense.
"We have this big meeting tonight, and we go over all sorts of things," Kansas football coach Charlie Weis revealed at a news conference that kicked off his first preseason camp at the helm. "And one of the things is, they're going to encourage (players), in this heat, to eat."
Weis, not the slimmest of men, grinned at that.
"I've never been encouraged to eat and eat before," he continued, tongue planted firmly inside his cheek. "Maybe that's a novel concept. But supposedly, people don't eat as much when it's hot out. I didn't get that e-mail."
BA-DUM CHING!
On August 1, Charlie laughs at himself. On August 1, Charlie laughs at players. ("A legend in his own mid," Weis quipped when asked about new tight end Mike Ragone, one of several Notre Dame transfers.)
On August 1, Charlie has a sense of humor. What remains to be seen is whether Weis will be quite so convivial on November 1, after he's been introduced to the good folks down in Norman. After he's been through the meat grinder.
"To me, the job is the same," Weis allowed. "I mean, OK, Notre Dame has a big national base right there. What difference does it make? Fans are fans. Alumni are alumni. You still owe ‘em the same thing: To work as hard as we can, collectively, both as a coaching staff and as players, to get this right as fast as we can. That's why I'm here."
The last time Weis twirled the head whistle, it was in South Bend. The Irish ain't what they used to be — although good luck convincing the alumni of that — but Touchdown Jesus still brought with it a sense of gravitas and the sound of thunder.
When Weis sails into Big 12 waters for the first time, he brings with him a defensive unit that last fall allowed 239 rushing yards per game and a whopping 5.8 yards per carry, a bunch that surrendered 43 points or more in seven of 12 contests.
Hell, you'd laugh, too, if that was the only thing that kept you from crying yourself to sleep at night.
"I was really disappointed when I finally went back and watched the games from last year — the number of games that they just got the crap kicked out of them, the number of times that happened," Weis said of the 2011 Jayhawks, a 2-10 disaster that cost Turner Gill his job. "And (do) you want to know something? That just doesn't cut it. I understand about talent discrepancies. I got it. One team's got a lot more talented guys than the other team, OK.
"But to have games get away from you that quickly and by that wide a margin — if I were one of those fans, I would've left at halftime and not come back myself. I'd like fans to be there at the end of the game. And (if) fans are there at the end of the game, it usually means you're doing things the right way."
Weis may have softened his public persona — Notre Dame fans that caught him during a Wichita appearance in May reportedly raved about his affability — but he's never wavered from the right way. There is the Weis way or the highway, and ne'er the twain, which would explain the glut of transfers in and out of the program over the past eight months. It would also explain why Charming Charlie was famously (or was it infamously?) captured on film earlier this year chastising his new charges for not celebrating properly during the simulation of a game-winning kick.
"Now let's face it, just because they gain all these numbers in strength and conditioning, doesn't automatically mean you're going to win more games," Weis said. "But look at some of the body changes on some of these guys from where they were. You know, you always say, ‘Well, the numbers can't tell.' Just look at the bodies.
"I actually had to pull some pictures out to show the staff, because they didn't believe me. I said, ‘See that picture? Now look at that picture. Look at the change in six months.' I've obviously been on that plan."
Weis paused. The gallery chuckled. A little.
"You get my humor," the coach countered with a smirk. "That's good."
On August 1, Charlie can even laugh at the preseason football magazines, where the forecasts for his first Kansas team have run the gamut — from bleak to abysmal.
"Well, logistically, I can't see … why they wouldn't rate us last," Weis said. "All we've done is hire a new coach, a new staff, and change the way business is being done to marry (it with) the personality of the head coach. We've brought in 27 new players; 23 went out the door. So there've been big changes in personnel, but the jury's still out. I mean, you're going to have to go out and prove it."
And with so many new faces, the Jayhawks remain something of a tantalizing unknown, just curious enough to surprise. Of the first six tilts on the schedule, only one is slated to take place outside the state. Considering that South Dakota State, Rice and Northern Illinois are on the September docket, Weis has a darn good chance at exceeding last year's victory total before October rears its ugly head.
"I mean what coach in (their) right mind would ever be thinking, ‘God, if we could just win four games,'" Weis said. "I mean, then you've hired the wrong coach. You really did. You hired the wrong guy. Now I might have delusions of grandeur, OK. But my expectations are way higher than yours, I can promise you."
He wasn't smiling when he said it.
You can follow Sean Keeler on Twitter @seankeeler or email him at seanmkeeler@gmail.com
