So what do you do when you've had your heart broken by a college coach who backs out of the wedding at the last second?
Start calling up your old dates, naturally.
And maybe get try a new breath freshener, because something has definitely been making the most eligible candidates turn their noses up at the Bucs.
Yes, the Great Glazer Head Coach Search of 2012 has returned to square one now that Oregon's Chip Kelly abruptly changed his mind about coming to Tampa Bay.
On Wednesday, the Glazers and general manager Mark Dominik re-interviewed one of the first candidates on their list, former Green Bay and Texas A&M head coach Mike Sherman.
The fact that Sherman tanked in his last job — fired this season after a 25-25 record over years at Texas A&M — evidently makes him no less attractive to the Bucs braintrust.
And being booted by the Packers after going 4-12 in 2005, after winning three NFC North Division titles with quarterback Brett Favre in his prime, hasn't diminished his magnetic appeal to the search committee.
Isn't this what they call settling?
In a 12-hour swing, the Glazers went from romancing perhaps the hottest college commodity in Kelly to reconsidering Bachelor No. 3, who didn't cut it in the collegiate ranks.
Of course, according to the most recent media buzz, Sherman may not be in the running for the Bucs job much longer — and neither will anyone else from the original group of interviewees.
Reports sweeping through the media late Thursday morning indicate that the Bucs are close to a deal with Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano, who has an overall record of 68-67 in 11 years with a program that, prior to his arrival, hadn't finished above .500 since 1992.
After going 12-34 in his first four difficult seasons at Rutgers, Schiano, a former defensive assistant with the Chicago Bears, successfully turned the program around and transformed the Scarlet Knights into a perennial power in the Big East.
Since the start of the 2005 season, Rutgers has amassed a 56-33 record, including a 5-1 record in bowl games. In 2006 he led the Scarlet Knights to an 11-2 record and a Top 25 ranking for the first time 1976.
And his reportedly imminent hiring shows that the Glazers are apparently bent on giving it the old college try regardless of how many times it takes. Still, the cold truth is that the Bucs head coaching job isn't nearly as appealing as it once was. Jeff Fisher certainly didn't clamor for a chance to get on the Glazers' radar — and why would he?
Amazingly, even the lowly, 2-14 Rams looked more glamorous than the sad sack Bucs. He hitched up with an organization willing to spend some money — including the $35-million over five years Fisher commanded — and the future is already looking bright with two top coordinators on board in the first week, Brian Schottenheimer overseeing the offense and Gregg Williams the defense.
Kelly insisted he had unfinished business at Oregon. That could be true. But maybe he took a good, hard look at the Bucs and decided to bow out with his variation of "It's not you, it's me."
Sadly, this is a franchise that has gone from championship to ship of fools, sinking with 10 straight losses after management's vaunted youth movement and odd decision to abstain from signing veteran free agents backfired.
Who'd have imagined that the openings in St. Louis and Indianapolis — teams that tied for the worst record in the NFL — look more promising than the one in Tampa Bay?
Doesn't it say something that the most impressive coordinator on the market, Green Bay's Joe Philbin — the man behind the Aaron Rodgers and the Packers' offensive juggernaut — interviewed with the Glazer bunch and then jumped at a chance to take the Miami Dolphin job last week?
One thing it says is the Glazers' plodding search committee missed the boat to sign a coordinator could have done wonders with stuck-in-the-mud quarterback Josh Freeman and the inefficient Bucs offense. It also says that Philbin didn't have a heck of a lot of interest in staking his future on a team with no immediate prospects of winning.
So get ready for parade of the guys who were passed over the first time around, when the Glazers and Dominik over-estimated their franchise's appeal and secretly courted Kelly. They never dreamed the Top Duck would duck their advances.
Maybe there's another wiz-bang move they're privately planning, while re-interviewing the largely ho-hum group that's already been through the doors.
Who knows, Carolina offensive coordinator Rob Chudzinski might bubble to the top of the list. In his one season with the Panthers, he's gotten heaps of credit for the success of record-breaking rookie quarterback Cam Newton, though in all honesty Newton is probably the one who made Chudzkinski look good. With any other rookie quarterback, he's just another offensive coordinator.
Hey, maybe it's time to get really bold — dial up recently fired Bill Polian, move Dominik aside, and hand the keys of the franchise over to the man who built the Buffalo Bills into a Super Bowl participant four straight years, and turned the Colts into a Super Bowl champion with Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy paving the way.
In fact, as long as we're dreaming, Polian would be the perfect person to convince Manning to bring his Hall of Fame talents to Tampa Bay for a few seasons, resurrecting and overseeing the offense simultaneously — and tutoring Freeman to reach his full potential. Then let Polian hire a defensive-oriented coach to restore the worst defensive unit in franchise history back to its once-proud stature.
Okay, snap out of it.
This is the Glazer Family, and they believe they have the best GM to get the Bucs back on their feet — you know, the guy who stocked Morris' roster with not-ready-for-primetime talent and shared culpability in the collapse that followed.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, hopefully the Glazers and Dominik will take a clear-eyed look at the field of suitors — and realize that the best choice is the oldest, most reliable one of the bunch, almost-69-year-old Marty Schottenheimer.
Marty may not be the life of the party or the most exciting guy to bring home. But the fans may grow to love the coach who's won everywhere he's been and boasts a 200-126-1 record that's looking prettier and prettier with every passing day.
