I'm writing the mailbag as I fly back from New Orleans on two hours of sleep. So there will probably be even more typos than usual. But let's start with this -- what a day of college football. Just an extraordinary collection of games. And the crowning achievement -- the New Year's welcome to beat all New Year's welcomes? FSU's demise. I can't remember the last time I was more entertained by a football game than I was by FSU's destruction yesterday. It was totally perfect. And for once -- which happens rarely -- I was exactly right about how FSU's season would end. I said for months that FSU would keep winning close games until they got to the playoff and got a 2012 Notre Dame style evisceration by a much better team.
And it finally happened.
Only it was so much better than we could have ever hoped. We got everything we could possibly want -- Jameis humiliated with the worst bowl defeat in FSU history and an iconic awkward fall down fumble that will live on in Internet meme history forever, Jimbo and Jameis screaming at each other on the sideline leading to Jimbo threatening to bench Jameis, most of FSU's players leaving the field without handshakes like they were the old school Pistons, #fsutwitter going into total hibernation as if their mom's free trial of AOL internet finally ran out simultaneously -- I mean it really couldn't have gone any better.
It was so spectacular that I couldn't even get that worked up about Alabama losing to Ohio State. Primarily because about halfway through the Alabama-Ohio State game I decided it didn't matter who played Oregon -- if the Ducks play very well at all, they should win the game.
Let's jump into the mailbag -- which I'm embedding with videos of the greatest moments from FSU's destruction yesterday.
Jim writes:
Well, the first and second days of the Battle of Gettysburg were actually pretty decent performances for the South, especially the first day. But I think you can fairly say that this was the SEC West's Pickett's Charge. There are so many historical similarities. I think there was an element of overconfidence, hubris catching up with the division after all the praise heaped on it all year. Was there a single person on earth who thought after Texas A&M and Arkansas won their bowl games -- especially after Arkansas held Texas to 59 total yards of offense -- that the next five SEC West teams would all lose? Four of those teams were favored. What would a five team moneyline parlay on Notre Dame, Georgia Tech, Wisconsin, and Ohio State -- all underdogs to win outright -- paired with a TCU -20 ticket have paid off? A thousand to one? I mean that was a huge statistical improbability. We try to make sense of statistical improbabilies and frame narratives around them. Sometimes those are valid, othertimes it's just us using stories to make sense of things we otherwise don't comprehend. So the popular theme today is that the SEC West was overrated. Maybe. I tend to think the teams were overconfident and didn't prepare as hard as their opponents.
This makes Pickett's Charge the perfect analogy. On the third day of Gettysburg Robert E. Lee thought he could break the Union line with an improbable and audacious mile long frontal assault on an entrenched enemy position. Lee legitimately believed he could split the Union Army, destroy them, and end the war. He was so confident that he overreached. He believed his army and his men were invincible. Moreover, the army believed it too. With continued success comes the psychic armor of invincibility. If you want a sports analogy the SEC West was like Mike Tyson before his fight with Buster Douglas, they didn't even consider the possibility they might lose. .
Now, unlike the South after Gettysburg, where the high water of the Confederacy was reached and everything was downhill from there, I think the SEC will continue to win at the highest level in college football. There's no real sea change taking place. But will any conference ever -- and I really mean that, ever -- win seven straight titles again? I don't think so. I think that's a record that will stand for a hundred years.
By the way, if the conference was really overrated, how do you explain the SEC East, a division so bad that the SEC West disowned it, being 3-0 and having covered every game? I think the SEC West players and coaches were overconfident and not as hungry as their opponents. And they got whipped.
Here's the aftermath of Pickett's Charge from the movie "Gettysburg," this footage could be incredible if you put Saban's face on Lee and make Lane Kiffin General Pickett.
Chuck writes:
"After a long week of bowl games accompanied with constant social media arguments regarding "X conference is better than Y conference," or "Z team deserved to be in the final," etc; has there ever been a more unifying event than FSU getting dominated by Oregon?
By living in Texas, I am exposed to many strong opinions regarding the "false dominance" of the SEC along with many others, being both educated and ignorant. With the A&M & Arkansas victories to the shortcomings of LSU, both Mississippi schools, and Auburn, my twitter feed turned into a battlefield with both sides firing away excuses and taunts for several days. But to my surprise, when the Oregon/FSU game began, there was a 3 hour ceasefire and it seemed like the entire internet was unified and rooting against the Noles.
GAME OF THRONES SPOILER, SKIP THE REST OF THIS QUESTION IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SEASON FOUR
The closest parallel I can think of would be the downfall of Joffrey in season 4 of Game of Thrones. Everyone watching the show was rooting for Joffrey's reign to end after his constant treacherous acts and ridiculous antics (sound familiar?). In fact, FSU might be the real life Lannisters. Jimbo Fisher draws similarities to Tywin with his subtly crooked behavior and constant (debatable) cover-ups of his team's actions. The only Seminole/Lannister that everyone loves and can root for is Red Lightning/Tyrion. Tyrion stands out from the rest of his family and has many redeemable qualities, the same way Red Lightning is easily noticeable (not in FSU uniform) and his hustle and passion is inspirational.
Do you agree with this comparison and/or the fact that this playoff game unified a great majority of the nation? Finally, can you think of any other event/comparison that inspired similar unification?"
Every single state in the country was rooting for Oregon, even the state of Florida. For four hours everyone gave up their parochial rooting interest and was united in a common hope -- that FSU would lose. I think it was the false sanctimony that made FSU so easy to hate. It would be one thing if the team had just embraced the villain role like Miami back in the day. They didn't pretend to be something they weren't. But Jimbo, FSU, and their fans were so damn blind to the reality of their program's status that they convinced themselves the rest of the world was out to get them. That they were actually of sterling character and running a high class program. I mean, it's a total joke.
Months ago I wrote Jameis was Joffrey from "Game of Thrones,' the greatest villain in college football history. (Several of you did incredible photo shops with Jameis as Joffrey and Jimbo as Cersei). When Joffrey died in season four, I literally stood up and cheered, just like I was watching a sporting event. It was like my team had just scored a tremendous upset. I felt the same way, along with most of you, when FSU's collapse began. Up until that point I was still nervous because FSU has been like the movie villain who wouldn't die. Every week they tantalized us with the possibility that their corrupt reign atop college football would end and every week they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.
Until finally, this happened.
And then this happened.
We finally found out what it would take for Jimbo to bench Jameis.
It was just so cathartic and perfect.
59-20!
You could not have scripted FSU's destruction any better if you were writing it. Just total perfection.
Of course, the final joke is going to be on us. When the Tallahassee police department investigates this game they're going to decide that FSU actually won.
Kenny writes:
"Clay,
Since you are apparently the Andrew Zimmer of eating the male sex organ, I've been wondering how is penis cooked? Can you eat it raw if prepared my a certified sushi chef? Is it like poultry and reach a minimum temperature? Beef were you can take your dick medium rare or well done?"
Rob writes:
I have to hold the all-time Twitter record for being told to suck a dick or eat a dick. It's uncanny. The dumber you are the more go-to this line is for you.
If you haven't read my position on sucking dicks, I'd encourage you to read it here in a prior mailbag. It's pretty much genius.
Roger writes:
"Clay,
Based upon TCU's demolition of Ole Miss, do you think the selection committee got it wrong?"
The selection committee got it wrong in putting Florida State in the final four, but the committee was also obligated to put FSU in there because an undefeated major college champ is presumptively in the playoff. I wish that wasn't the case. I wish the committee would look at stastical data and use it as an indication that FSU, despite being undefeated, was a pale approximation of last year's team.
I think TCU -- and despite their collapse -- Baylor, were clearly in the top six best teams in the country.
By the way, how about that Baylor collapse? Simply incredible. Who had Baylor -2.5? This guy, of course.
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Mailbag news -- on Tuesday I am going to debut the anonymous mailbag with all of your emails about trips to the fertility clinic. They're incredible. We are entering the trust tree with the anonymous mailbag. I promise that I will not reveal your name or any identifying characteristic, outside of the email itself, and you guys get the ability to tell incredible stories and ask Outkick readers for advice. I think this will be a great success.
Yes, even more successful than this Tweet from September.
