There's more money and less intellectual effort in judging,
vilifying and diminishing Tiger Woods than in providing the public
a lens to understand him and a sports world/culture that long ago
was perverted by television's money and fame.
It takes no courage or thought to recognize Tiger's personal
failure. He, as far as we know, shamed his wife and family. We can
assume Tiger's Swedish wife adopted our American marriage value of
strict monogamy, and she is mortified and shocked that her
ridiculously famous, handsome, billionaire husband gave in to the
temptation of road beef.
Yes, assumption is the platform from which all insightful
ideas, opinions and perspective are based.
Armed with the supposition that this brown-skinned golfer has
irreversibly harmed an attractive, blonde-haired, blue-eyed white
woman, much of the sports media have turned Elin Nordegren into
Natalee Holloway and reached for ratings and relevancy by traveling
the route paved by Nancy Grace.
There is, believe it or not, another direction to explore.
There is another reality we can reluctantly accept. If we choose,
we, the media, can do our job and put Tiger's transgressions in
their proper context and explain to the public what happened to the
perceived traditional ideals of the sports world.
The high-character values and morality we've ascribed to the
male and female athletes who entertain us were a myth in the 20th
century and a flat-out impossibility now.
When television took control of sports 40 years ago, athletes
became America's first reality TV stars and no different from
daytime soap opera stars.
When television's money and spotlight began turning
20-year-old athletes into instant millionaires, celebrities and
brands, the Jordans, Peyton Mannings, LeBron James, Roger Clemens,
Tiger Woods and Michael Phelps of the world became no different
from Jon Bon Jovi, Mick Jagger, George Clooney, LL Cool J, Brad
Pitt, Britney Spears, Elizabeth Taylor and Robert Redford.
How many women do you think Jagger bedded in his prime? His
wealth, fame and looks pale in comparison to Tiger's. When Phelps
returned from the Olympics, he hit a bong and the strip clubs,
bedding strippers, according to gossip magazine testimony, two and
three at a time. You think when Phelps finds the love of his life,
he'll dial it back and satisfy himself with vanilla sex when his
wife decides to give it to him?
That's right. Men who grow up eating at five-star steakhouses
often happily learn to love Hamburger Helper five nights a week.
We're outraged and stunned that Tiger has had a dozen alleged
affairs. The typical rock or movie star is laughing and/or
questioning Tiger's sexuality if the golfer limited himself to a
number below 50 since marriage and 500 in his post-puberty
lifetime.
The notion that golf, with its history of unapologetic racism
and sexism, is somehow filled with men of impeccable integrity is a
hysterical lie propagandized by hypocritical white men willing to
commit the same crime they charge Tiger and his sponsors pulled
off: the upholding of a patently false image.
"You play golf to drink with your boys, smoke cigars and talk
about (sex)," former NBA player John Salley told me Wednesday. "And
now we're surprised that a golfer was having sex. We think Tiger is
the only one. Why are we treating Tiger like he's elected to public
office? He plays golf, man."
This column is not meant to excuse Tiger's irresponsible
behavior. The column isn't a contradiction of what I wrote when
Steve McNair was killed. People have e-mailed me asking what
justifies the difference in tone and content of the columns I've
written about Woods and McNair.
Murder and suicide. The accusation that McNair maintained a
separate home from his wife and kids. And the fact that McNair, for
months, manipulated and preyed upon a 19-year-old child who lost
her parents, fled a country, moved away from her adopted family at
16, drove while impaired in all likelihood to protect McNair and
was incapable of financially supporting herself.
Iceberg Slim showed more compassion for his hos than McNair
did to the obviously emotionally and mentally wounded girl who
allegedly killed herself and McNair.
Sorry for the digression.
Despite Tiger's web site statement apologizing for
"transgressions" that let his family down, I don't know — and
neither do you — Tiger and Elin's sexual values.
They would not be America's first adult couple (let alone
celebrity couple) to agree that extracurricular sex is acceptable
as long it remains non-embarrassing for the other spouse. Since
we've legalized assumption, I've chosen to assume Elin's hijacking
of Tiger's cell phone and threats to call Jaimee Grubbs were
provoked by the National Enquirer or some gossip magazine
contacting Tiger, Elin or one of her friends for comment on an
upcoming expose about Rachel Uchitel or one of Tiger's bim-hos.
For all we know, his "transgressions" might be the overall
sloppiness of his affairs.
Rather than bloviate and hypocritically posture in a column
or on TV/radio about non-criminal sex between consenting adults,
wouldn't it be wise to examine what Tiger's perceived failure
signifies beyond his humanity?
Is the public really served by Rick Reilly sitting on
SportsCenter advising Tiger to appear on Oprah, skip the Masters
and U.S. Open, prove to Elin and his fans that his marriage is more
important than golf, fire his caddy, IMG and anyone Elin doesn't
trust, refuse to take money from his sponsors and grant the media
in-home interviews?
Is the public really served by Herm Edwards, a defrocked
football preacher, sitting on SportsCenter criticizing Tiger's
inner circle for failing to properly advise him to avoid
extramarital sex?
The naivete of the commentary about Tiger is astounding. I'm
a grown man with a weight problem. Does Herm believe none of my
friends has said: "Yo, dog, why you gotta get extra cheese and
bacon on that Wendy's triple?" Does Herm believe the families of
drug abusers cheer on every snort of coke?
Tiger is a grown-ass man with a billion dollars. It's hard to
advise a laid-off factory worker. It's more likely that Tiger
ignored his inner circle than his inner circle failed to flash
warning signs.
Herm — like Reilly, TMZ, US Weekly — is simply
feasting on Tiger like a vulture, picking at Tiger's carcass in an
attempt to rehabilitate himself. Herm and his agent recognized that
commenting on Woods gave Herm a shot at passing himself off as the
life/morality-coach alternative to Tony Dungy. Herm was auditioning
for the job to "help" Tiger or be Notre Dame's next coach. You
think Herm will muster the courage to get preachy on television and
offer personal advice to the football coaches and players he knows
for a fact are living the same "misguided" life as Tiger Woods?
Reilly's advice was so asinine, contradictory and
hey-look-at-me-and-not-Bill Simmons self-serving that it's really
unworthy of rebuke. Let me summarize it: "Hey, Tiger, prove you're
not fake by doing a bunch of fake (spit) that doesn't fit your
personality and invite me over to write about it."
ESPN killed sports journalism. It hired, overpaid and
showered our best and brightest with fame, turning many of them
into jig-dancing clowns unprepared to insightfully examine the
sports world they allegedly cover.
When Ralph Wiley prematurely died, we lost our Hunter S.
Thompson, the man who famously chronicled Rock & Roll culture
from the inside without passing judgment.
Somehow we think our job is to uphold the myths, protect the
squeaky image of the games and trash the competitors whose failings
(steroids) show the public what the games truly are (a staged
performance for profit).
Let's act like golfers, like the majority of wealthy men,
don't know the Rachel Uchitels of the world, don't frequent Las
Vegas nightclubs where a pool cabana or table bottle service
guarantee a parade of drunken Barbie Dolls looking for Mr. Right
Now.
A heterosexual male celebrity athlete/entertainer who likes
to socialize faces tremendous pressure from longtime friends and
corporate friends to entertain. If the boys are hitting a club,
South Beach or Las Vegas, it's Tiger's job to attract the women.
This is far more important than Tiger picking up the tab or
securing a lady for himself.
"Hook ya boy up!" is the rallying cry of a single man and
many men given a weekend pass by their wife or girlfriend.
"I'm happily married and I still go through it now," NFL
tight end Tony Gonzalez shared with me Wednesday. "Right or wrong,
it's an expectation that guys have, whether it's your teammates or
the friends you've had all your life. They want you to go out
because they think, 'Man, you know Tony is going to have some girls
around.' I've dealt with that pressure and still do to some
degree."
This is why I believe some of the un-closeted bim-hos are
lying or have been misidentified by the gossip rags. They're
throwing women out there and fame-hungry women are volunteering
because they know you don't understand the culture. A moderately
attractive woman can easily move in a famous man's circle without
ever getting close to her target.
That is not written to suggest Tiger is not a womanizer. It's
written to provide context. Tiger operates in a cesspool. He's
never portrayed himself as a religious holy roller. His values
appear, like most, sexular.
There's no reason for surprise about any of this,
particularly his choice of conquests.
As far as I know, Tiger grew up on golf courses in suburban
Orange County, raised by an African-American, Chinese and Native
American father and Thai, Chinese and Dutch mother. That is not the
recipe for falling in love with sistas regardless of Tiger's brown
skin and full lips.
By profession and diction, the dude would be considered a
nerd by most brothers and sisters. Take away his billion dollars
and many of the sisters whining that Tiger prefers blondes would
continue their search for a tatted-up, corn-rowed, slang-talking
real brother.
(If that description doesn't fit you, then don't complain.
Destiny's Child sang and sold "Soldier" because somebody was
feeling it.)
Tiger's choice in women isn't a statement about how he feels
about us (black folks). It's a statement about where and how he
grew up.
The reaction to Tiger's preference exposes America's
deep-seated racial hang-ups. Black and white people are equally
troubled by Tiger's parade of Caucasian conquests. This unrest is
fueling much of the media manipulation of and wallowing in this
story.
"If Elin was black, this would be a Left Eye-Andre Rison
situation and everyone would move on," John Salley cracked.
When I talked with sociologist Dr. Harry Edwards, he
addressed the racial dynamic more seriously.
"If Elin were black, this would be on the scale of Mike Tyson
and Robin Givens," Dr. Edwards explained. "It would've lasted a
while and then it would just go away."
That may sound preposterous to some, but it's not. The media
and the public overreact to whatever crimes/unfairness befall an
attractive white woman (Natalee Holloway). Jordan, Ali and Magic
all managed to play on their black wives without receiving much
criticism. Shaquille O'Neal just finished off the remaining
credible pieces of his marriage to a black woman by allegedly
having an ongoing affair with Gilbert Arenas' fiancee. No one
cares. But this brown-skinned golfer is facing ruin because he
cheated on his white wife.
"You're getting reverberations of O.J.," Dr. Edwards said.
"White America, corporate America feels betrayed. Tiger was
accepted and given all the perks and benefits and now they feel
betrayed, the same betrayal they felt with O.J. There are some
(black) celebrities that get to dip their biscuit in the gravy of
corporate America and then there are some that are given their own
bowl of gravy. Tiger had rare access. His sponsors choreographed a
superhuman image to promote a sport and sell product. They gave him
everything except the latitude to exercise his humanity. There are
no super humans down here. There's only us, and sometimes we blow
it."
The media cries for Woods to publicly handle his private life
sound crazy to Dr. Edwards, too.
"My advice to him would be to take off with his family to
some remote island for three months or however long it took to get
something worked out," Edwards said. "When I came back, I'd go
straight to the golf course. When I was asked about my personal
problems, I'd say: 'I messed up. I'm still trying to get that
right. Let's talk about golf.' If the questions persisted, I'd
apologize, put the microphone down and walk away. Anything he has
to say should be shared only with his family.
"He shouldn't worry about bouncing all the way back (as an
endorsement force)," Edwards continued. "The one thing we know is
that when a ball drops from 15 feet when it bounces back up, it's
only going to rise to 12 feet."
