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The good, the bad and the ugly are all right here, with an Angry Birds feel to it. Let's take a quick tour of the college football landscape and take some time to view the pretty and — at times — not-so-pretty scenery with some quick snapshots.
Louisiana State beat the stuffing out of Mississippi State 19-6, and we would like to thank The Hat (otherwise known as LSU coach Les Miles) for making it more compelling than it really was, because, if nothing else, we really like nasty defense. The usual array of untimely penalties and interesting play calling made this game entertaining, but the five field goals combined through three quarters had everyone biting their nails — would a touchdown ever be scored?
Thankfully, one — only one — touchdown was scored, and, thus, Baton Rouge remains at DEFCON 5.
PSA: We're happy to report that no blade of grass was harmed during the telecast.
• I hate to pour salt all over Ohio State University's president Dr. E. Gordon Gee's wounds — OK, I really do enjoy making Bow Tie sweat — but when the situation arises for a pie-in-the-face moment, I'm taking aim at the man who insists that Ohio State doesn't play "Little Sisters of the Poor."
Let's review Ohio State's performance in its game against Toledo versus Boise State's performance against Toledo, shall we?
Ohio State had home-field advantage; Boise State did not. The Buckeyes racked up 301 yards, but Toledo outgained them with 338 yards.
Boise State spanked out a whopping 610 yards to Toledo's 349. Boise State scored in every quarter of the game, including 13 points in the fourth quarter. Ohio State did not score in the fourth quarter and escaped with a win that came down to the final minute of play.
Final score of Ohio State hosting Toledo was 27-22. Final score of Boise State at Toledo was 40-15. No Blue Turf. No all-blue uniforms. No smoke and mirrors. Yeah, I know: Ohio State isn't very good this year, right?
• PETA reportedly does not want Auburn to use a live bird for its pregame ritual after the bird collided with a luxury-box window Saturday during its pregame flight. Has it occurred to PETA that there is a darn good reason why "birdbrain" is used as a disparaging remark to describe someone or something with questionable intelligence? Either the bird saw his reflection in the window and fell in love with himself, or he's a birdbrain. Either way, he did what birds do and I have the beak marks on my home's windows to prove it. War Eagle.
• For the second time, Maryland has tested the limits of human beings' visual tolerance by wearing outrageous uniforms. There are no words to describe these uniforms, but try to visualize something that would appear in Jerry Garcia's nightmares if he were still alive and then throw melted crayons on it. Maryland lost to West Virginia 37-31.
• On to the shockers. Ole Miss lost big to Vanderbilt 30-7. Granted, this game was a pick 'em, but how the heck does Houston Nutt sleep at night?
Auburn — by losing 38-24 to Clemson — had its 17-game win streak snapped. One half of a state is in mourning while the other 49 and half states are ecstatic. Clemson coach Dabo Swinney wins the postgame comments of the week award. South Carolina, baby.
Miami beat Ohio State 24-6 in a game that had all the makings of a train wreck — 4 of 18 for 35 passing yards by the Buckeyes made it an official train wreck. It didn't disappoint those who wanted to see what happens when a school under investigation for major NCAA violations plays another school whose alleged violations are even worse. The bad boys won a game that may or may not have an asterisk after it.
Texas beat slightly favored UCLA 49-20. Notre Dame's losing streak came to a screeching halt — exhale, Irish fans — after a very convincing 31-13 victory over Michigan State. Louisville beat Kentucky 24-17. Yes, Kentucky is no longer undefeated but, wait for it . . . Vanderbilt is.
• After upsetting Iowa last week, Iowa State upset UConn 24-20 on Friday. You would think the Cyclones were playing out of their minds to get another conference — no, wait, any conference's — attention during these expansion rumors, wouldn't you? Oh, wait . . .
• Memphis still stinks despite finally winning. They canned defensive coordinator Jay Hopson this week, and you would think the team would come out with a chip on their shoulders, wouldn't you? Memphis couldn't score one point in the first quarter of its game against Austin Peay. The Tigers won 27-6, but next week they face Southern Methodist in their homecoming game, which should be renamed the StayHome game.
Hot Seat updates
• UCLA's Rick Neuheisel can't escape the beat down his Bruins took on Saturday. Around 55,000 showed up for a game against Texas, a game that Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott was attending. Approximately a third of the 55,000 fans were wearing burnt orange. The rest of the fans were beet red over embarrassment. Next week, the Bruins face Oregon State, a team that is probably looking forward to playing the Bruins after getting beat by Sacramento State and Wisconsin. Yeah, it's that bad.
• Nutt can feel Neuheisel's pain. Nutt's Rebels, after losing to Brigham Young 14-13, played a lackluster game against Southern Illinois winning 42-24 and then lost to Vanderbilt when the Rebels forgot that a game is played all four quarters, not just the first. Vanderbilt owns Ole Miss — it has won five of the past seven games in the series — and Nutt's hot seat is Hotty Toddy.
• Mark Richt was put on life support this week after his Bulldogs took out their frustrations on Coastal Carolina. Georgia won 59-0, but when you schedule the Chanticleers, that's somewhat expected, isn't it? What's more concerning is that for the first time since Nov. 25, 2000, Sanford Stadium's 64-game sellout streak was snapped like a frozen twig. On that November day, Georgia was playing Georgia Tech in a game that ended up being Jim Donnan’s last regular-season contest as Bulldogs head coach —he was fired before the Oahu Bowl but agreed to coach that game — and Richt was hired the following month. It'll be the battle of the hot seats next week when Richt's 1-2 Bulldogs take on Nutt's 1-2 Rebels in what should be dubbed the Doghouse Bowl.
• New Mexico's Mike Locksley (2-25) is in a funk — his Lobos have lost to three teams by a combined score of 125-26. A quick look at the Lobos' nonconference schedule pretty much sums up how bad a team they really are; Arkansas, Texas Tech, Sam Houston State and Nevada all want a piece of Lobo pie. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.
Quote of the day
It's from Florida's Chris Rainey, describing his 83-yard touchdown against the Volunteers, via the St. Petersburg Times: "I turned and saw the biggest hole I've ever seen in my life."
Biggest win of the day
It goes to the Oklahoma Sooners. I've always been tough on the Sooners, but right now, they look unbeatable and deserve that No. 1 ranking.
Final thought
Have you hugged your conference commissioner today?
