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Florida coach Urban Meyer stood gazing into the upper deck of Alabama’s Bryant-Denny Stadium.
His team had just been routed 31-6 by the Crimson Tide for its first loss this season, but on this crisp night in early October, he uncharacteristically lingered behind by himself near midfield.
Nearby, some Florida and Alabama players were conducting a postgame prayer, but Meyer was largely oblivious. He stood stoically, staring up at the exiting fans.
As the stadium’s bright lights shone down on him, he appeared to be soaking up the atmosphere one last time. He stood there for a minute or two before his expressionless face finally gave way to emotion.
He took a deep breath before quickly turning and sprinting off the field.
And with that, Meyer was gone, just as suddenly as he resigned Wednesday as Florida’s coach for the second time in less than a year.
He exited on the heels of a 7-5 record, the worst during his six seasons with the Gators, which were highlighted by two national titles. Smiling and appearing relaxed at a press conference Wednesday, he said he intends to focus on his family and other non-football interests.
“I think this is what’s best for the University of Florida, our players, and for obviously myself and our family,” Meyer said.
It’s a decision Meyer, 46, should have stuck to the first time. He agonizingly resigned the day after Christmas last year because of his health and stress.
He said Wednesday that he had conversations earlier this week with Florida athletic director Jeremy Foley before making his decision Tuesday to resign, but it seemingly had been in the works longer than that. College football circles had been buzzing for months about the possibility of Meyer quitting.
Don’t rule out health and stress as factors in Meyer’s latest resignation. That’s why Meyer agonizingly quit the first time. When he did, he admitted to suffering from chest pains, battling weight loss and sleeping poorly. That’s a scary combination for someone who already has an arachnoid cyst on his brain. Meyer worried about the possibility of dying on the sideline and wanted to spend more time with his family. But like an addict, he couldn’t resist the lure of the sidelines and was talked into returning a day later.
He insisted Wednesday that he doesn’t regret the decision, but it was tough to watch his pain this season as his Gators lacked their usual bite. He was tormented as he struggled to find a successor to quarterback Tim Tebow, had the first three-game losing streak of his career and was embarrassingly whipped, 31-7, by rival Florida State to end the regular season.
The strain of coaching was difficult enough when Meyer was winning, let alone losing. He has always put too much pressure on himself in his constant quest for perfection.
A workaholic, he struggled with the delicate balance of how to control as many things as possible and not worry about the things that cannot be controlled. Some coaches worry so much about what they can’t control that they eventually lose command of what they actually can control.
That can be a lonely feeling, void of family and friends. It’s also one that can become so grueling and tiresome that you just become fed up with it.
“At the end of the day, I’m very convinced that you’re going to be judged on how you are as a husband and as a father,” Meyer said. “Not how many bowl games we’ve won.”
Meyer’s resignation isn’t surprising to the few who really know him. Some thought when he resigned the first time that he should stay away from coaching.
But even after taking a new approach that included eating better, working out daily and spending more time with his family, Meyer still sought out some no longer coaching and asked what life was like away from the profession. He wondered, what if he got out, what would he do if he did, and why didn’t he get out?
Who could blame him after 25 years of coaching? Beyond the on-the-field pressure, he’s surely tired of all the other responsibilities.
For all head coaches, not just Meyer, that’s things like a booster calling and asking you to attend his son’s birthday party, or taking a late-night call that one of your players has been arrested, or learning that you have to hire a new assistant to replace the one who secretly took a new job.
It’s scrambling to two activities that your children are participating in, or your wife calling to ask when you’re going to come home and saying, “The season’s over. You really don’t have anything going on, do you?” It’s going to a restaurant to relax with a friend, only to be besieged for autographs by 10 eager fans who monopolize your time at the expense of your friend.
Add it all together — Meyer’s own torment, health and responsibilities. Then, multiply it by the light speed of coaching, and it’s easy to understand why he’s stepping away.
Of course, one of the first questions he was asked Wednesday was whether he will coach again.
Meyer’s answer was no, for “the immediacy.” But if you care about him beyond football, you hope this retirement is permanent.
That’s unlikely, but at least now he will finally learn what life is like without coaching. But the bigger question remains … will the answer be what he is looking for?
Let’s hope it is, for his sake.
