There’s almost nothing more important to the identity of a team, in any sport, than the uniform. Every year, fan bases clamor for the new kits, anxious to buy and wear them with pride. Do them right, and clubs stand to make a ton of money, maybe even some new fans. Do them poorly, and face relentless ridicule for 12 months from people like us. So how does a club land on a list like this? How do they mess up kits so egregiously? Do they hate cash? These are questions we sadly cannot answer, but we can most definitely roast those responsible. Here then are the worst kits of the new season, in no particular order:
Girondins Bordeaux third (Puma)
Bordeaux is famous for its wine, and clearly, their most popular soccer club's design team enjoyed copious amounts of it while creating this alternate shirt.
Espanyol away (Joma)
John Turturro’s gnarly eczema-ridden feet in HBO’s “The Night Of” are less repulsive than these kits. What a nightmare. It’s like Espanyol bastardized England’s flag. The folks at Joma should be thrown in jail for this.
Juventus third (adidas)
Juve have many nicknames, one of the lesser-known ones being “The Zebras.” But that doesn’t mean you should ever, under any circumstances, roll out a Zebra print soccer jersey. Although, I must say: these would look pretty fresh with one of Paul Pogba's signature hairdos. Too soon?
AFP/Getty ImagesJUSTIN TALLIS
Sunderland third (adidas)
We get it, purple and pink change kits are all the rage these days. But that doesn’t mean we can all be like the Barcelonas or Real Madrids of the world. The Black Cats went for it anyway, and now they’ll just look like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.
Sunderland AFC via Getty ImagesIan Horrocks
Inter Milan third (Nike, not confirmed)
Nike did a fantastic job with Inter’s home and away strips this season … and then they apparently did this. Obey your thirst, or avert your eyes? Because that’s definitely a can of Sprite and not a soccer kit. Please, Nike, there’s still time to fix this. (Via FootyHeadlines.com)
Manchester City away (Nike)
As if City’s new home kits weren’t bad enough, Nike doubled down and gave Pep Guardiola’s men an even uglier outfit for the road. It’s almost impressive how much these colors clash. Were there really no other unused color combinations Nike had left for this template?
Any Montpellier kit (Nike)
Montpellier are in a bit of a conundrum. If you need like six sponsors on your kits, you're hurting for cash. But if you need money, it kind of helps to design a kit that fans would, you know, actually want to buy. Who would purchase these? Seriously, who? Besides cyclists mistaking them for Tour de France jerseys.
Liverpool third (New Balance)
Remember when Warrior was the Reds’ kit maker for a few years? Remember how brutal those kits were? They were historically awful. New Balance have done much better since, but oh my dear God what happened here? Making the team look like garbage men is never a good idea.
Liverpool FC via Getty ImagesAndrew Powell
Freiburg home (hummel)
Check out how angry everyone looks here. This definitely was not how the team envisioned their return to the Bundesliga would go. Hummel’s signature Mario Kart speed boosts on the sleeves are awful, and Freiburg’s sponsor logo does them absolutely no favors, either. Black, red, green and yellow? Good grief.
Norwich City third (errea)
The Canaries love to come out with at least one monstrosity per year. But you know what? These things are so ugly they’re actually incredible and I kind of want to cop one. Touche, Norwich.