HOW TO: Be a savvy UFC fan

It’s pretty safe to say that I’ve attended a UFC

event here and there, so because I am kind and noble, I will share

some tips and tricks to getting the most out of your own UFC

experience.

For example, here are some answers to common questions that will

save everyone a lot of time:

  1. Yes, fighting in the UFC was cool.
  2. Yes, Dana White is cool.
  3. Yes, the next UFC event will also be very cool.
  4. Yes, working on UFC Tonight is cool.
  5. Yes, Chael IS crazy.
  6. If you’re asking a fighter who they’re fighting

    next, the answer is most likely already confirmed and on the

    Internet. And for the record, they’re hoping for a war and

    they urging you NOT to blink.

Most importantly, here are some foolproof tips to use when

meeting your favorite UFC stars:

  • If you see one of the UFC’s Octagon girls, be original

    with your pick-up lines. For example: “You have beautiful

    eyes, can I touch them?”

  • If you want immediate respect walking around on Fight Night,

    please bring your most violent t-shirt. Nothing says I love MMA

    like a “bleeding Lion” or a “sword carrying pit-bull”.

  • To corner your favorite fighter, work in groups.
  • Semicircle traps work best to corner fighters. Don’t give

    them an out. Back them up against a wall and form a semicircle

    that will keep them there for hours. Then, link arms in an

    “Amish Sweep” formation and leave no gap for

    escape.

  • Have spotters and lookout crews to alert the masses. “Hey

    everyone! That’s Khabib Nurmagomedov!”

  • Know your Silvas. Anderson Silva, Wanderlei Silva, Thiago

    Silva, Antonio Silva, and Erick Silva. (Matchmaker Joe Silva not

    included for legal purposes)

  • Always tell fighters you’re their biggest fan, then ask

    them who they’re fighting next or what they’ve been

    up to lately. Recently, I had one of my “biggest

    fans” ask me when I’m fighting next. I then was

    forced to let them down slowly about how I retired almost two

    years ago.

  • Find two UFC fighters that are fighting each other soon and

    wait until they are close to each other. Make sure you tell them

    that you hope they kick the other guy’s ass right in front

    of them. Sincerity is crucial.

  • Don’t be afraid to ask fighters to sign a dirty pair of

    underwear. They will sign anything.

  • For you guys out there, there is no masculine way to get your

    t-shirt signed if you are wearing it.

  • Prove to fighters that you know what you’re talking

    about, but aren’t nerdy about it and be like, “Why

    did the UFC cut Rousimar “Toquinho” Palhares yo?

    That’s wack!”

  • Always give a fighter some fight tips when you see them.

    “You need to throw more kicks”, “You need to

    keep your hands up bro”, or ahem,“work on your

    wrestling”. Most fighters don’t have time to think

    about this stuff so the comments are usually a big help.

  • Bring four brand-new sharpies. Two silver and two black.

    Fountain pens, pencils, and fluorescent highlighters are frowned

    upon.

  • Have your cameras/camera phones ready to fire at all times.

    Bring a fancy fanny pack to carry chargers, extra batteries and

    memory for your cameras. Fanny packs = respect in the MMA

    community.

  • If you see me, make sure you refer to me as Mr. Florian. Do

    NOT look me in the eye. (Looking me in the eye is considered a

    direct challenge.) When you call me over, give me a compliment

    like, “You look handsome today Mr. Florian” and then

    when I ignore you, thank me anyway out of respect.

It was my most sincere attempt to assist you with meeting your

favorite UFC Fighter. You’re welcome!