Roger Federer returns to tennis this week, ending his clay-court sabbatical to rejoin the ATP at the year's grass-court opener in Stuttgart. He'll play his first match since Miami on Wednesday against Tommy — hold up. What the hell is happening on top of Federer's head? Is that blond? Did the 35-year-old start to sport some gray after watching Rafa Nadal blow through the French Open?
Did The Fed ask for the toupee cut when he sat down in the barber's chair? Is this what a midlife crisis looks like when you already have a sports car? Where was Mirka when this all happened? He looks like I did in junior year of high school when I thought it'd be cool and look good to put sun-in in my hair, and not only did it not look good, but then my mom made me go to CVS to buy Just For Men because I'd done this the day before my senior picture.
I don't know, it looks blond to me. If he starts having more fun then we'll know for sure.
The texture of the hair is also problematic. Maybe his hotel only has low-flow showers.
The back of the hair might be the worst of all! It looks like his twin boys got hold of some scissors and decided to play barber shop while The Fed was taking a nap. Nothing on a tennis court that wobbly since Serena Williams on the Wimbledon doubles court a few years back.
In action the traditional headband conceals most of the damage. Somewhere (far away from Novak Djokovic), Andre Agassi nods, knowing what that's all about.
This was the other Federer haircut this decade that made waves. He showed up in Rome in 2013 with a freshly shorn 'do that earned worldwide attention. Immediately after, Federer went on the worst Grand Slam run of his career. He went QF (French), 2R (Wimbledon), 4R (U.S. Open), SF (Australian), 4R (French), bringing up Samson comparisons, if Samson had been stubborn about racquet change and unable to convert break points.
Federer after his Australian Open win, appropriately shaggy and unkempt.
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Federer seems so confident with his hair because he knows that if it ever, uh, moves back from the baseline, there's plenty of it on his chest to distract everybody.
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When he was a junior, the only thing that could beat Federer was Vidal Sassoon and a bottle of peroxide.
We can only assume Mirka (his girlfriend at the time, now his wife) took the lay of the land and decided that getting rid of the beaded necklace was a more immediate priority than the hair.
When he first started winning Slams, Federer went with the "guy who tries to pick you up in a Berlin discotheque" look.
This — at the 2004 U.S. Open winner's ceremony — was the last time Federer's hair was in its "lacrosse midfielder at Bates" phase. By the '05 Australian Open the hair was above the neck. By the French it was in its tamer, more familiar style.
The "after" shot following Anna Wintour telling Andre Leon Talley to run a comb through The Fed's hair before they all go turtleneck shopping.
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His foot isn't the only thing that's faulting.
Federer returns Wednesday against 39-year-old Tommy Haas.