Mail-it-in Friday: A Redskins takedown that would make Seinfeld proud

BY Sid Saraf • December 12, 2014

Welcome back!

It's holiday season, and while we stress out and make ourselves chubby with all the good food flying around, let's take a minute and listen to your thoughts and concerns in our weekly mailbag. Today, we're going to deal with Alex Smith, GRONK and other topics as we end yet another work week.

Remember, if you want your thoughts featured here, fire off an email to, tweet us using #FoxMailbag or just tweet me @RealSidSaraf. OK, let's get to work.


Thousands of column inches and infinite amounts of oxygen have been spent to describe the pure awfulness of the Washington Redskins. Frankly, it would be really entertaining if it wasn't so tragic to watch a once-proud franchise reduced to a laughingstock. But one rant needs to be singled out.

Brian Mitchell is a former Redskins player who know works as an analyst for CSN Washington, and this week he smacked down the organization using a poetry slam. Specifically, it's a string of words -- "poor, wretched, awful, appaling, disgraceful" -- for about 50 seconds. It's amazing:

I couldn't help but hearken back to a legendary character from Seinfeld when I heard this. Let me know if you agree.

Brian Mitchell, tearing the Redskins apart one word at a time. Bravo, sir!


Justin wrote,

Why can't Alex Smith throw a TD to a receiver? omg

Yes, it's become fashionable again to take shots at "Check Down Alex." However, Sean Keeler -- my colleague over at FOX Sports Kansas City -- decided to do some actual research into this phenomenon and the results were interesting. He added up the Pro Football Focus grades for the top three wide receivers available for every starting quarterback in the NFL.

For example, Peyton Manning's receivers were at +23.1. Aaron Rodgers' were +18.1. The NFL average is +9.04.

Alex Smith's receivers? They check in at a miserable -9.0. Disgusting, right? So, the only obvious conclusion is this isn't Alex's fault and we're all being massively unfair to the poor guy.

But WAIT! One other quarterback stood out in Keeler's story. Tom Brady's receivers are ... -8.7.

In case you're wondering, 10 of Brady's 30 touchdown passes this season have gone to wide receivers. He doesn't have much on the outside and yet he's making it work. Alex, what's your excuse?

Dan wrote,

Can anyone stop the GRONK?

No, it's impossible. Injuries can't slow him down. Hitting him high doesn't slow him down. Alcohol doesn't seem to faze him. Bill Belichick can't kill his irrascible spirit.

Even kitties are no match for GRONK:

It's time to admit defeat here. After endless verbal battles with Ross Jones over who is the best tight end in the game, I can't keep backing Jimmy Graham anymore. It's clearly Rob GRONKowski. Anyone who has watched the Patriots offense before he was healthy and then after he returned to full form can't deny the facts.

GRONK is amazing and nobody can stop him. There's nothing wrong with admitting that.

Dawn (a Redskins fan) wrote,

So flipping frustrated!

"Flipping?" In the words of the great Lauren Bacall ... if you're going to use the F word, go for the gold. But yes, you have every flipping right to overturn tables and foist your anger on people who don't deserve it.

Brian Mitchell had it right. The Redskins are simply "wretched, appaling, disgraceful, comical." Let's move on.

Joey wrote,

Free AP!

You know who I miss? Tim Tebow. I'm serious.

Remember when he was still in the NFL and literally everything revolved around him? He's great! He stinks! He's being treated unfairly! He doesn't have the proper skills! The media is being too hard on him! The media is being too easy on him! I need my binkie! Rabble, rabble, rabble!

I used to sit around and curse his name for forcing me to talk about him and deal with new stories about him every single day.

"This isn't journalism," I'd cry. "This is just pandering to the lowest common denominator! It's sensationalism at its worst! Waaah! Waaah!"

Gotta be honest, I'd give anything to go back to those days. Life was so much easier. It was either Tim Tebow was good or Tim Tebow sucks. It was a question without an answer and it was great bar-room conversation to have while downing drinks.

I didn't have to deal with complex issues filled with nuance that required actual brain power to comprehend. Nowadays, someone says "Free AP!" and all I can say is:

I miss you, Tim. Please come back. I'm dying over here.

Anna Marie wrote,

Why is crime permitted in the NFL, like Sean Peyton and Ray Rice and no criminal charges & NFL keeps them?


Juan wrote,

Matty ice, kaep, or Mr. Consistency Alex Smith?

I'm assuming this is a fantasy football question. And since we already discussed Alex Smith's problems above, let's rule him out of this.

And according to the Law of Hot Sports Takes, Colin Kaepernick is no good because he spent too much time in the offseason doing magazine covers, building up his hat and shoe collection and building up his glamour muscles. What a me-first glory hound. It's clear -- based on no evidence -- that the relationship between Colin and Jim Harbaugh has collapsed and that the 49ers would be well-served to go in a different direction.

That leaves us with Matt Ryan. I was all ready to write him off before his Monday night explosion against the Packers. Now, I'm not so sure.

By the way, isn't fantasy football the worst? I'm still alive in the playoffs, but I think I lost three years of my life last week watching Drew Brees stink it up for three-and-a-half quarters. What an awful way to spend free time. And I just know that by next fall, I'll have forgotten all about this and will be ready to play again.

I disgust myself.


Tammie wrote,

Ny giant fans relax. This year is aimost over. Not good like the last two but all leading to the datewith destiny on their 4 year super bowl cycle in the manning/coughlin reign tell brady/belicek eli's coming but not till  next year


share story