Keating's Corner: Michigan sequel just as hard to watch as original

Published Jan. 11, 2011 3:43 p.m. EST

A Michigan Man ended up at Michigan.

Was it really so hard?

First, full disclosure.

I know. A novel idea about anything that has anything to do with college athletics, right?

I did not go to Michigan nor Michigan State. I have no rooting interest in either school. I have friends who went to each of those fine institutions, swear they actually graduated and are equally annoying about their loyalty to their school. That's as it should be.

We learned that from the spectacular lyrics penned by the Beach Boys.  

Now what's the matter buddy
Ain't you heard of my school?
It's number one in the state!
So be true to your school now

They don't write them like that any more. Thankfully.

My allegiances are to my own alma mater, Grand Valley and to where my dollars and kids have enrolled.

I will allow that the intense hatred is just not the same at the level of the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference.  

"What did the Ferris State football player get on his SAT's? Drool."

"What do you have when there are 32 Hillsdale cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth."

See what I mean? It's just not the same.

You'd like to believe that as the Rich Rodriguez ugliness was transitioning toward hideous, that there had to be a plan in place as to how Michigan's next football chapter would unfold.   

We had seen this movie, right?  

It was "Gigli" bad. It made "Ishtar" look inviting. It was as if the crews that made "The Love Guru" and "Grown ups" joined forces and said, "That's it. Perfect."

Lloyd Carr retired. It got ugly. After being rebuffed a couple of times, U-M athletic director Bill Martin, determined to make a splash, cannon-balled Rich Rodriguez to Ann Arbor.

Continuing the movie theme, yes, what we had here was one too many Fockers.

Division I football coaches have more agents than Snooki these days. There are all kinds of back channels to have this guy talk to that guy and gauge interest in a particular coaching situation. Honestly, did none of this really happen?

Les Miles came to the conclusion he has a pretty good gig in Baton Rouge and is staying at LSU. (Though from what we were hearing, there weren't a lot of strains of "Hold that Tiger" being played on his street by boosters and some may have been offering to help him pack.)

So, Jim Harbaugh was off the list. Miles was crossed out also.  

It's just staggering to think that a place of higher learning can't be aware of the genius of Spanish philosopher George Santayana: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

Wolverines, consider yourselves condemned right now. At least in that regard.

It had come to this. There are ways on the Internet to track the flight paths of private aircraft. Media members, who have discovered there's more to the Net than Facebook and girly pictures, are now keeping tabs on the Domino's Pizza plane.

Who knew aviation would evolve into Where's Waldo? And never had there more emphasis on a Domino's delivery than right now.

Maybe new U-M AD Dave Brandon's guy all along was San Diego State's Brady Hoke. Reports from the non-girly-picture-viewing folks told us the Domino's plane was heading to southern California on Tuesday. Hoke may have been the only honest guy in this entire oil spill of a situation and had said if Michigan offers him the job, he'll take it.

They did. And he did. Finally.

Even before the plane landed there in Orange County, Michigan announced that Hoke had been named the new football coach at the University of Michigan.

And now, planes will be grounded, hearts will stop racing, teeth will stop gritting.

And we'll say the same thing the eight people who bought tickets for "The Love Guru" said.

"Did we really have to go through all that? Again?"

Jan. 11, 2011