ESPN To Honor Fake Mizzou Protesters With ESPY

Published Jun. 18, 2016 10:22 a.m. ET

foxsports

Not content with their sham documentary from Spike Lee honoring the fake Mizzou protesters for their fake bravery, ESPN will award an ESPY to the 2015 Missouri football team for their bravery and courage in joining the fake Mizzou protests this past fall.

This is a real story.

Last night when y'all started Tweeting it to me I was convinced it had to be an elaborate prank. Surely someone at ESPN would point out that the protests were fake -- NOTHING HAPPENED AT MIZZOU OTHER THAN A POOP SWASTIKA ON THE WALL, A RACIAL SLUR FROM A DRUNK NON-STUDENT WALKING THROUGH CAMPUS, AND ONE PURPORTED RACIAL SLUR WITH NO WITNESSES FROM A DUDE DRIVING IN A RED TRUCK OFF CAMPUS.

That's it.

That's the inspiration for the entire fake protest and fake hunger strike and fake protesters.

As the King of Tolerance and the man who sits on the Iron Throne of Inclusivity, I feel confident in saying Mizzou doesn't have a racism or inclusivity issue -- this is the same campus that embraced Michael Sam, a gay football player, and elected a gay black man student body president. If anything, Mizzou may be the most inclusive state school in the entire damn country.

Despite this a small group of terrorist Missouri protesters hijacked the entire school with a hunger strike and a fake ass PC Bromani takeover, leading to hundreds of million in lost revenue over the years to come and a 25% drop in student enrollment -- that was even more pronounced among minority students.

The entire protest was a disgrace that ruined a great university. And the protest gained national attention when the Mizzou football team was dumb enough to join a fake protest.

Indeed, Outkick was one of the only places in the entire media who had the balls to call out these losers for their sham protest. Thanks to the shoddy coverage of a fake protest, many people have come to believe an entirely made up fiction -- that the Mizzou protests were justified and achieved great social justice.

When, of course, the exact opposite is actually true.

And now ESPN is honoring the knucklehead 2015 Missouri football team that was too dumb to call bullshit on this protest and praising their courage? What bizarro politically correct, backwards ass world are we living in today?

The Mizzou football team's idiotic embrace of these loser protesters almost killed their university.

And it led to absolutely no positive results.

I didn't think it was possible for ESPN to go more PC Bromani than giving Caitlyn Jenner the ESPY courage award last year after they traded the award in exchange for a Diane Sawyer exclusive interview on ABC, but they've done it. Giving Mizzou's football team an award for their bravery and inspiration is like giving Kim Kardashian the Nobel Peace Prize for her first sex tape.

Except worse.

At this rate Melissa Click, the carrot top looking bitch who threatened student reporters when they had the temerity to try and report on a fake protest that took over Mizzou's quad, will be Skip Bayless's replacement on First Take.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that we will debut the Outkick Courage Award this year. It will be the most serious award that anyone has ever created in human history -- basically the Pulitzer and the Nobel and the Oscar and the Emmy and the Grammy all molded together in the shape of a giant phallus -- and I will announce our award winner -- live -- on Outkick the Show the day before the ESPYs.

Until then, tip of the cap to whichever ESPN executive is sitting around thinking, "What idiotic decision can we make today to ensure that Clay Travis is even richer and more significant than he already is?"

And then some PC Bromani loser exec stands up and says, "I know, I know, we'll give Mizzou an ESPY!"

Thank you, ESPN, I dedicate my forthcoming beach house to your stupidity.

Trigger Warning: We couldn't have done it without you.