National Basketball Association

RTOE: How did Joel Embiid look in his debut?

Published Jun. 30, 2017 6:28 p.m. ET

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On his first night of preseason action, HP took a look at Joel Embiid and the prospects of his rookie season, slow jams and movie metaphors.

Joel Embiid’s preseason debut: Wack or Tight AF?

Ian Levy (@HickoryHigh, Hardwood Paroxysm): Plenty of both. Early on he withered under aggressive pressure from Amir Johnson, getting pushed around on the glass as well by the much smaller player. In his second stint, we finally got to see him knocking down some jumpers and challenging shots at the rim. Basically, we got to see why he is such an incredible prospect and how far he has to go to realize his potential.

Josh Lloyd (@redrock_bball, Hardwood Paroxysm): Tight AF, assuming I’m down enough with the kids enough to understand what that means. Crazy kids. Just the fact that he played and didn’t get hurt and looked like a giant, giant man who could do basketball stuff is tight. He was understandably rusty early and that’s going to take months to shake off, but Sixers fans should have the front of their shirts covered in drool already.

Bryan Toporek (@btoporek, Hardwood Paroxysm): Tight AF. On a day where Ben Simmons was revealed to have suffered a Jones fracture, putting his availability for the 2016-17 season in doubt, Embiid could have gone 0-20 and Sixers fans would be jubilant so long as he walked off the court healthy. Seeing him swat Jaylen Brown’s layup attempt into oblivion and coolly drain a 23-footer was nothing but icing-on-the-cake for those who have been eagerly awaiting his NBA debut for the past two-and-a-half years. He’s going to be a work in progress throughout the entire season, but as long as he keeps showing flashes of his limitless upside, it’ll be enough to satiate the thirsty Philadelphia faithful.

Brendon Kleen (@BrendonKleen14, Upside and Motor): From the highlights and GIFs that were wrangled together by various beat writers and fanboys, I was able to at least determine that the hype was warranted. Not that I didn’t remember; there were few players more instantly impressive on the court than Embiid during his sole season at Kansas. Against the Celtics, we saw more of the same: blocks, mid-rangers and sneaky athleticism. There was plenty there to fan the flames.

Daniel Rowell (@danieljrowell, Hardwood Paroxysm): The keyword here is “preseason.” All preseason games are WACK and should be treated as such. I’ll get singing the First Joel as soon as I see Embiid take the floor for a game that counts. Until then this is just as good as swatting the shots of small children.

Embiid scored his first basket on an NBA team (in the preseason). Give me the slow jam to pair with this silky smooth post move. (He said he want some Marvin Gaye… some Luther Vandross…)

Levy: Al Green, Here I Am.

Lloyd: I want to say My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, but that doesn’t really qualify as a slow jam. I’ll stick with Gaye and go Let’s Get It On.

Toporek: Usher, Nice and Slow.

Kleen: I have to stay true to my Westian roots, so I’ll say the slowest of all the jams: Slow Jamz, Kanye’s greatest pure singing effort. There’s nothing more suave this side of Y2K, and you can’t help but respect an up-and-comer trying his hand at an ancient craft, be it post play or R&B.

Rowell: Foster Sylvers, Misdemeanor.

It is the NBA in the year Two-Thousand-Sixteen. Get you a 7-foot rookie who can shoot 3-pointers, block shots or both?

Levy: I’ll be shocked if he’s taking, let alone making 3-pointers this year. But it seems like that could be in the cards eventually.

Lloyd: It’s clearly both, but I’m with Ian, in that I don’t know how many 3s we see Embiid launching this season. He will definitely do it at some point, I’m convinced.

Toporek: Let it fly, big man. Harambe died for this.

Kleen: I’m on the same martyrdom track as Bryan, but my mind tracks more toward a former Sixer than the Ohioan gorilla; Andrew Bynum gave his life that big men in Philly might one day get the green light from deep. Go for it, Joel.

Rowell: 3-pointers are overrated. Look at what 400 3s got Steph Curry. Give me the BLOCK.

Last year Karl Anthony Towns averaged 18.3 points, 10.5 rebounds, 2.0 assists and 1.7 blocks as a rookie. Kristaps Porzingis averaged 14.3 points, 7.3 rebounds, 1.3 assists and 1.9 blocks. Which player, KAT, ‘Zingis or Embiid, has a better rookie season?

Levy: Towns (he’s the center who can do both).

Lloyd: It’s easy to get caught up in the Embiid hype, but it’s Towns. It’s always Towns. (PS, where is Nikola Jokic?)

Toporek: Towns, without question. The Sixers have openly admitted they’re going to bring Embiid along slowly. He’s going to have the worst rookie season of the three in terms of per-game statistics. As long as he doesn’t suffer a third foot injury, though, it doesn’t matter. Everything he does this season is gravy.

Kleen: KAT is that dude. Lest anyone try to trick you with these player A, B or Z quizzes, here’s a cheat sheet: the answer is always Towns. He’s the answer to this question and the previous one, having showed us the stroke of the stretchiest bigs and defense that might already be better than his counterparts. Screw the box score.

Rowell: Yeah I think it is KAT, Embiid, ‘Zingus in that order. Embiid is a 22, which makes him the oldest of the three and I don’t think his age necessarily spells out a better season when he hasn’t played a competitive game for a few years.

Which player (same three) has a better career? #TAEKS welcome.

Levy: Towns. Towns. Towns.

Lloyd: Ian took my answer. I feel like something KATastrophic would have go happen for me to change my mind at this point.

Toporek: Towns. But Embiid, if he stays healthy, will be better than Porzingis. BOOK IT.

Kleen: Another opportunity to use Brendon’s Handy Cheat Sheet ™; Karl-Anthony Towns. Even if he put out the same season he had last year for 15 straight years, we’d talk about him in the same breath as the league’s greatest big men. Porzingis is a unicorn and Embiid garners Olajuwon comps, but Towns has already earned his spot among the league’s best after just one season.

Rowell: Give me Embiid. I can’t trust anything under those Northern Lights in Minnesota. Look at Kevin Love or any player under Tom Thibodeau. And for those saying “but what about the Big Ticket?” Yes, that is a valid point, but I am choosing to ignore it.

I need your best shot at a Embiid nickname. Make it count.

Levy: The Miracle?

Lloyd: Embiilievable

Toporek: Is GOAT taken? Oh, okay. Jorambe will do.

Kleen: The EM-Biid-P

Rowell: Thhhheee fiiiirsstt Jooooo-ELLLLL

And finally, your extended movie (or serial television mini series) metaphor for the Joel Embiid Story. Bonus points if you can bring in Hinkie in a supporting role or tie in a Julia Roberts GIF. Give me that spec script.

Levy: This is like that time Gibbs got shot on NCIS and he took forever to recover. And the team had to figure out how to work around him, to flex where they could flex and summon their inner Gibbs’ to keep things moving forward. Everyone learned more about themselves and how they functioned on that team once their structure was gone. Then Gibbs came back and crushed it, like he always does.

Lloyd: It’s sort of like Castaway, with Sam Hinkie playing the role of Wilson. Embiid has survived two years away from society and has been rescued by his Qatari doctors and now has to reestablish himself back into NBA society, knowing that all he knew before is very different.

Toporek: It’s like that time in The Dark Knight Rises when Bane beats Batman into oblivion and sends him to the underground prison, broken, battered and concealed from society. Like Batman, Embiid began rehabilitating and attempted to escape but failed, sending him back to square one. After speaking with a fellow cellmate — say, one Samuel Hinkie — Batbiid is newly motivated to save Gotham (Philadelphia), builds his body back up and escapes from the prison. Let’s just hope Embiid’s story doesn’t end with him sacrificing himself to save the city.

Kleen: It’s like that Emmy award-winning ESPN 30 For 30 about cursed Blazers’ center Greg Oden, which details the hopeful misery of waiting for a prospect to bloom — I’m sorry, Philly.

Rowell: OK — in Bridget Jones’s Diary, Miss Jones is a 32-year-old single woman living in London that is caught in a love triangle between Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy. It’s basically Pride and Prejudice but all you need to know to set up the scene is Sixers fans are Bridget Jones, Embiid is Hugh Grant and Nerlens Noel is Colin Firth and the following scene is the 2016-17 NBA Season…