National Basketball Association

Cheer now, but you'll miss Lakers

Published May. 9, 2011 1:00 a.m. ET

foxsports

In light of Jack Nicholson’s status as the team’s most prominent fan, it’s appropriate to paraphrase one of his memorable roles in observations about the Lakers and the NBA playoffs: “Deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want the Lakers in the Finals. You need the Lakers in the Finals.”

Yes, I know, almost everyone who lives more than 90 minutes from the place hates the Lakers — indeed, despises Los Angeles and loves chanting “Beat LA!” Hey, even honest locals can understand the impulse.

But when it comes to the league’s profile, nothing has put the “Fan-tastic!” in NBA action quite like the symbiotic relationship between Hollywood and the Lakers — and the star wattage the franchise exudes.

Given what the seats cost, virtually anybody who can afford sitting courtside at an NBA game is probably wealthy. But, out here, they’re not merely rich. They’re famous and/or beautiful, too, and they offer TV networks all kinds of cross-promotional opportunities.

Take last year’s playoffs, when the Lakers’ championship run brought out not just Nicholson (naturally) and Denzel Washington but Dustin Hoffman, Hilary Swank, Charlize Theron, Chris Rock, Rob Lowe, David Duchovny, Snoop Dogg and Leonardo DiCaprio, to name a few. No wonder HBO’s “Entourage” treats the Staples Center like a second home.

By contrast, all Dallas has to offer is owner Mark Cuban and maybe George W. Bush — and outside of Texas, at least half the audience would probably boo both of them.

Dallas against Memphis or Oklahoma City doesn’t promise to attract an assortment of personalities typically associated with the annual lunch they throw before the Oscars, not to mention at least two Kardashian sisters, whose best recorded work is entertaining, if not exactly award-worthy.

Frankly, the Lakers’ ouster isn’t all bad news for Angelenos who can stomach the notion of the franchise not winning its 17th title. For starters, listening to apoplectic LA sports-radio guys and their most pathetic callers bellyache is funnier than anything you’re likely to hear at the Improv or Laugh Factory. And the early exit means those irritating flags hanging out of car windows across Southern California blow away faster than Santa Ana winds.

Still, there are other, less obvious drawbacks to the Lakers going home. Say goodbye to coach Phil Jackson’s fabulously dismissive postgame news conferences, where he greets reporters with snide answers and withering stares. (He’s equally tough on between-quarter sideline interviewers, having stated how much he hates that practice.)

Networks also love featuring glimpses of the host city during the ad bumpers, and those stereotypical shots of people playing basketball by the beach don’t turn up in Atlanta or Chicago. Such a pairing is good news for lovers of greasy food but a serious drain on the league’s glamour quotient.

Admittedly, the Lakers didn’t exactly acquit themselves with honor in Jackson’s final game. As ESPN’s Mike Tirico noted, it’s important to lose with class too, and with Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum ejected for flagrant fouls, the defending champs looked like petulant chumps.

LA fans have earned a reputation for being shallow, flaky and pampered, arriving late and leaving early. Yet with the Dodgers in disarray, no NFL, USC on probation and UCLA mired in mediocrity, the Lakers have become about the only rallying point the city has. And while missing out on another title will doubtless trigger lineup changes by owner Jerry Buss and Co., Nicholson and his supporting cast of celebrities and Hollywood honchos will be back, barring a sudden plunge into Cavaliers territory. Besides, even with Blake Griffin, the Clippers can’t help being the Clippers.

So cue that Randy Newman song, and let the NBA’s showbiz pizzazz — for 2011, anyway — cruise down Santa Monica Boulevard, all the way into the sunset.

Charles in Charge: One footnote on this year’s playoffs: Is anybody having a better spring — except perhaps the Bulls’ Derrick Rose — than Charles Barkley?

Always outspoken, the TNT analyst predicted Memphis would upset top-seeded San Antonio in the first round, then followed that by saying Dallas would eliminate the Lakers.

Barkley’s entertaining even when he’s dead wrong, but if this keeps up, maybe he should be encouraged to pursue those much-discussed political aspirations of his sooner rather than later.

Email:lowryonsports@gmail.com. Twitter:blowryontv