A Consent Form For Clemson Football

Updated Mar. 4, 2020 12:48 p.m. ET

Fansided, Charles Evans/FanSided via Bama Hammer

Ben Boulware says he and the rest of the Clemson players like grabbing the private parts of opposing players, so I created a consent form for them.

I’m an openminded guy, and what Ben Boulware enjoys doing with opposing players is his business, as long as he has consent. You see even in the game of football putting your fingers inside someone’s booty without asking first is sexual assault.

This all started when Clemson’s Christian Wilkins decided to go digging for gold on an Ohio State player’s backside during the Fiesta Bowl.

But Ben Boulware didn’t see any need to apologize, he says this is just what he and the rest of his Clemson teammates love to do.

I’m a progressive guy, I’m not passing judgement, but I do think they need to get consent before they go trying to grab other people’s happy zones. Football is a rough sport, but grabbing other people in the junk for jollies isn’t about being rough, that’s a fetish.

So here’s a short consent form that I have created for Ben. All he and the Clemson players need to do is copy this and get Jonathan Allen and Dalvin Tomlinson to sign it, I’m sure that will go well for them.

Dear (Insert Opponent’s Team Here) Player,

Hi! My name is Ben Boulware and I would like to put my hands all over you. ALL OVER YOU. In fact I’d like to put them inside you too if that’s ok. When I put a finger in the air after a game it’s not because I think I’m number one!

Please circle any areas I’m allowed to grab on this tiger.

Dec 3, 2016; Orlando, FL, USA;Clemson Tigers mascot during the second half of the ACC Championship college football game against the Virginia Tech Hokies at Camping World Stadium. Clemson Tigers defeated the Virginia Tech Hokies 42-35. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Love in Christ and Dabo,

Benjamin

You see using this simple form you and your Clemson friends will no longer be sexually assaulting other players, but just a weirdo who likes to put fingers in people, which again is totally fine.

What do you think? Do you thin Ben needs to ask permission to grab other people in private areas? Let us know on Facebook or in the comments below.