The 2015 Big 12 Recruiting All-Name Team

A tradition unlike any other? I would argue the same sentiment stands for the Big 12 All-Name teams, with the varsity squad being named before the season and the newcomers getting their recognition after signing day. 

Wednesday’s craziness has subsided, and we’re left getting to know the couple hundred new faces who will be joining teams next season. Within those couple hundred new faces are some outstanding names. These are the best of the bunch. 

Most Valuable Player: JaMycal Hasty, RB, Baylor: He’s going to challenge former Oklahoma linebacker Eric Striker as the league’s most perfectly named player relative to his position. 

Keke Coutee, WR, Texas Tech: His name is technically pronounced like "cutie," but as someone who has his name butchered on a near-daily basis, I doubt people got it right very often. He draws his strength by what was surely a hellish few years of elementary school. Cooties, man. Six-year-olds are ruthless. 

Stone Wolfley, DE, West Virginia: West Virginia now has two dudes on their team named Stone. You gotta figure if Wolfley ever gets matched up against Mountaineers guard Stone Underwood, some sparks are going to fly. 

Johnathan Song, K, TCU: One game-winning kick will put a Song in the hearts of TCU fans all over the globe. (I apologize for that sentence.) 

Cecil Cherry, LB, Texas: Charlie Strong says he goes by Cecil the Diesel, which is just perfect. I don’t know whether it’s true or not, but I’m choosing to save tonight and believe his uncle is Eagle Eye Cherry.

Denver Johnson, WR, Iowa State: My favorite tidbit about Denver Johnson is there is another man named Denver Johnson who coached offensive lines at Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Colorado and other schools, but the two aren’t related in any way. HOWEVAH, Johnson was briefly committed to Tulsa last summer before Iowa State offered him. Where was the other Denver Johnson coaching at that time? Tulsa, of course. College football, you are far too serendipitous. What are the odds of this? It’s impossible, right? Or perhaps Denver was encouraged that another man named Denver Johnson had been able to flourish in the fine city of Tulsa. I’m only a little disappointed that he didn’t end up at West Virginia playing for a fan base known to revere men named Denver. 

Devonaire Clarington, TE, Texas: We pause at this juncture for the British Invasion portion of our team. It’s nice to see Big 12 teams finally recruiting across the pond. 

Neville Gallimore, DT, Oklahoma: Speaking of international recruting, Mr. Gallimore actually does hail from Canada. St. Catherines, Ontario, to be exact. Both he and Devonaire simply don’t feel complete without a Roman numeral at the end of their name. Are we sure neither of these guys are the IV or something? 

This ends the British Invasion portion of the team. 

Jordan Tolbert, DB, Baylor: He’s not to be confused with former Texas Tech forward Jordan Tolbert who averaged double figures for three seasons for the Red Raiders before transferring to SMU after last season. Some one did their homework and made sure this is not the same person right? Right? 

Bryce Balous, DB, Oklahoma State: Look me in the eye and tell me you won’t enjoy saying this guy’s name for four years. It’s impossible. 

Kai Locksley, QB, Texas: Ditto.

Ronnie Major, OL, Texas: Everyone in his family tree is destined for greatness or a life in the military. Or both. 

Furquan Shorts, WR, Texas Tech: Between Furquan, Keke and Kash Knutson, Texas Tech’s receiving corps is loaded with outstanding names. I was disappointed to learn that a) he mostly goes by Quan and b) is not the younger brother of West Virginia WR Daikiel Shorts. Otherwise, I was prepared to hand out major props to the Shorts family for naming their sons Daikiel and Furquan. 

Jace Sternberger, DE, Kansas: Self-explanatory. I like to imagine when football is over, he could open a chain of diners that serve food with a Soup Nazi kind of vibe. 

L.B. Bates, DB, Kansas: Bates checks in at 6-foot-1 and 195 pounds right now. Kansas has to add about 40 pounds to his frame and make him a linebacker, don’t they? It would be a shame to do anything else. 

Will Smith, OL, Kansas: Just when the Fresh Prince of West Texas checks out of the Big 12 (OK, maybe a year late), another shows up in east Kansas. Welcome, sir. 

Bryce Meeker, OL, Iowa State: If you’ve followed the All-Name team long, you know how much I love the perfect marriage of name and position. It doesn’t get much meeker than the offensive line. 

Julian Good-Jones, OL, Iowa State: There are bad jones and good jones. No question where Julian falls. 

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