Dallas eatery offering Howard free chicken fingers for life

Heads up Lakers and Rockets, you have some real competition heating up in Dallas for the talents of Dwight Howard.

Billboards have been cropping up around Los Angeles asking Howard to “STAY,” but one Dallas area fast-food chain, Raising Cane’s, topped that with billboards of its own offering the prized free agent chicken fingers for life if he signs with the Mavericks.

Certainly a risky move offering a 6-foot-11, 265-pound, 27-year-old free food, whenever he wants it, for life, at any of the 20 Raising Cane’s restaurants in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

The Dallas Morning News crunched the numbers, and the average life expectancy of an American male is 76. That would be 49 years of free chicken tenders, and if Howard were to cash in on his deal once a week for each of those 49 years it would cost the restaurant more than $27,000, assuming prices stay the same for nearly half a century (which it won’t).

Maybe California-based In-and-Out Burger needs to team up with the Lakers to spice up the “STAY” billboards offering some free food of its own.

Houston, the other favorite to land Howard, may need to think of something to offer on a billboard if they don’t want to be eliminated from the All-Star’s potential targets. Perhaps as one of the country’s top oil and gas producers they could throw in free gas for life. At least that is healthier than deep-fried chicken tenders.

One problem with Raising Cane’s offer, they forgot to add any fine print to the offer if Howard pulls a, well, Dwight Howard and chooses to leave the Mavericks for another team in two seasons, he would still have an endless supply of chicken fingers.