Schalke mock United and England

A satirical column has taken a light-hearted sideswipe at English

life, including the perceived obsession with celebrity, its

culinary habits and yes, the inability to win penalty shoot-outs

against German teams. “The English are going nuts this week about

the wedding – no, not Katie Price this time but Prince William,”

gushed the column. “England is the motherland of football of

course. But they have still not learned about penalties. “In Wayne

Rooney we have the eternal favourite son-in-law for English mothers

and that evergreen youngster Edwin van der Sar, who takes

goalkeeping tips from Jens Lehmann. And then there is Malcolm

Glazer, who for Manchester United fans is the equivalent of Lord

Voldemort.” Almost 2,500 United fans are expected at the first-leg

encounter, each with a similar name, according to Schalke. “The

typical Manc man is called Paul. He has darts in his right pocket

and in his left pocket has a picture of a bulldog. The girls are

called Samantha. “And can you believe they put vinegar on their