With apologies to Drake, all of summer '16 was highlighted (heh) by soccer players opting to dip their coifs in peroxide. Shockingly, not everyone can pull off such a drastic look, and furthermore, not everyone should even try. As such, here are our uncontestable power rankings of the bleached blond players across Europe.
Marouane Fellaini: The "orange crush"
The big Belgian has always had a larger-than-life look, but bleaching his afro took it to a whole new level. The bleach just didn't fully take, so Fellaini's been stuck with an orangish, weird, massive head of hair that looks like a cigarette butt. If I could rank this lower, I would.
Phil Jones: The "doing this for attention"
Did you know Phil Jones bleached his hair? Stop lying. Nobody knew Jones went blond because he hasn't been able to get on the pitch consistently at United. My only regret in life is that he didn't have this silly hair while making this faceplant clearance with his head.
Neymar: The "morning ritual"
Neymar does a lot of things well, but he's also human. It turns out he can't sing, and he's prone to making questionable hair-related decisions. He's managed to keep his bleach so bright you have to assume he's got a bottle of peroxide by his bedside.
Alberto Moreno: The "late to the party"
Alberto Moreno previously had a man-bun (another scourge on the hair-having populace) before chopping it off and bleaching what was left. Afraid he's a bit late, though, and hopefully this fad will pass him by in due time. The bleaching kit will gather dust alongside the pogs and Heelys in his closet.
Lionel Messi: The "witness protection"
After another summer failure at the Copa America, Lionel Messi went off the radar. He quit (and eventually rejoined) the Argentina national team, but the traces of his temporary alternate identity still remain.
James Rodriguez: The "I've made a huge mistake"
James briefly dabbled with the towhead look in late June and early July, but quickly reverted to a darker shade. The only vestiges of his experiment got awry are found on his Instagram account.
Samir Nasri: The "seat's taken"
In addition to going blond, Samir Nasri transfered to Sevilla. With a look like that, we're going to assume he's having trouble finding people to sit with him in the training room cafeteria.
Aaron Ramsey: The "Patient Zero"
Cursory research tells us that Ramsey was the first high-profile player to go blond this summer. Is he responsible for the outbreak? We'll never really know the answer, just like we'll never really know if he's secretly planning to drop an EDM album.
David Alaba: The "OBJ"
Euro 2016 was the spawning point for a lot of these bleached locks, and David Alaba was no exception. He actually managed to pull it off, though not as well as Odell Beckham, Jr., but the Austrian is now sporting a more traditional coif. Like a true professional, he adopted the haircut for summer and moved on as the season changed.
Fabio Borini: The "super saiyan"
Strikers are an odd breed, so they're given leeway when it comes to pretty much everything they do. Borini ditched his schoolboy haircut this summer and went full bro, and it's surprisingly an improvement.
Paul Pogba: The "can do no wrong"
He changes haircuts like regular people change clothes, but Paul Pogba always delivers. Whether it's a pokeball, a rooster or a dalliance blanching, the Frenchman's hair is as much a living thing as he is. Therefore, he can pretty much do whatever he wants and it's on point.