Ode to sports 2015: A Pharoah rules in a time of deflation
What do you say? It's not too late.
Let's pause and watch the year deflate.
With glass in hand (beer, wine or port),
Here's looking at you, Wells Report.
We'll say so long with heartfelt sighs
To measurements of PSIs,
Of dueling lawyers, courtroom brawls
And countless headline puns on balls.
So throw it downfield nice and clean,
One tight spiral: 2015.
First college playoff, mega bucks.
The Buckeyes savor roasted Ducks.
Pats air it out; the Colts are done.
Deflategate mess has just begun.
Brady swears there is no crisis.
Hey, he says, this ''isn't ISIS.''
The Super Bowl? This seems a cinch:
Just give the ball to Marshawn Lynch.
Seahawks go with something subtler,
Greeted by one Malcolm Butler.
The gym turns quiet, lights go dark,
The clock runs out for Dean and Tark.
Logano owns Daytona's track.
Spring training's here and A-Rod's back.
Kentucky hoops – good as it gets.
But Duke, Coach K cut down the nets.
The women's game? No dilemma:
UConn's Geno Auriemma.
A Masters romp, young Jordan Spieth.
(No better place to cut one's teeth.)
Baltimore's roiled, torn by violence.
Camden Yards, a game in silence.
Big day in May, sports lets it rip
At Churchill Downs, the Vegas Strip.
Pharoah's flying, a Derby king.
Mayweather, Manny flop in ring.
Goodell bans Brady, plays tough cop.
A Pharoah rules in Preakness slop.
At Indy, it's Montoya's show
The same as 15 years ago.
With foul winds sweeping through the Alps,
The law swoops in, claims FIFA scalps.
Soon FIFA gathers, votes are cast –
Blatter infection spreading fast.
The Belmont looms on Pharoah's trail.
A Triple Crown! The Holy Grail!
French Open plays like Down Under –
Serena soars, rolling thunder.
Steph Curry has the Golden touch.
LeBron can only do so much.
The Blackhawks' Cup, with Duncan Keith.
An Open encore, Jordan Spieth.
For Wambach, Lloyd, a World Cup ride.
Canyon of Heroes rocks with pride.
Wimbledon sets a clear-cut theme:
Serena's Slam gathering steam.
Jenner opens up, time to tell all –
A long, long jump from Montreal.
A wet St. Andrews, Spieth's next test –
No claret jug, no Grand Slam quest.
Boston bails on the Summer Games,
Bid goes up in Olympic flames.
Brady's appeal does not go well.
Roger says Brady smashed his cell.
Blue Jays gamble and roll the dice,
Land Tulowitzki, David Price.
Toxic sewage fouls Rio's bay.
Golf's last major to Jason Day.
Pharoah's Travers becomes a haul.
LA takes an Olympic call.
A judge clears Brady, mocks Goodell,
Whose brand of justice just won't sell.
Serena's Grand Slam hopes go south.
Roberta Vinci? Shut my mouth!
Novak Djokovic, by the way,
We'll toast with classic Beaujolais.
Swiss start closing in on Blatter,
Sponsors fed up with this matter.
But not so Putin, in whose eyes
Blatter merits a Nobel prize.
Book has Louisville on the run –
Strippers, recruits went one-on-one.
FanDuel, DraftKings, fantasy sports –
Big-money games head to the courts.
The Cubs again must rue their fate:
Those glory days, 1908.
Chase Utley takes a takeout slide,
Mets beat LA, cross great divide,
Reach the Series, sitting pretty,
Waiting there is Kansas City:
Perez, Cueto, Lorenzo Cain,
Hosmer's running … it feels likes reign.
Pharoah scores at the Breeders' Cup.
The good life, stud life, coming up.
A dopers' banquet, Russian track.
Missouri football pushes back.
A soccer match, a Paris night,
A world stands with City of Light.
Then down goes Rousey. Can it be?
Holm's kick upends the UFC.
Kyle Busch makes off with NASCAR's crown;
Jeff Gordon shuts his engine down.
Warriors go from great to greater.
Sixers need a respirator.
The poet Kobe spots the door –
He'll play this year then nevermore.
A new, updated college guide
Lists Sooners, Spartans, Tigers, Tide.
Zack Greinke drips with D-backs gold.
Derrick Henry joins Heisman fold.
Pete Rose pleads for one more at-bat;
Manfred just won't gamble on that.
And then we're off, the year takes flight,
And maybe Yogi had it right
As only he can make it clear:
It sure gets late early out here.