List of Things Better Than the New York Rangers’ Defense

Examining the long, long list of things that are better than the New York Rangers’ defense.

If you have watched the New York Rangers at all in the past few weeks, you have seen how bad their defense is. Last night’s (7-6) loss to the Dallas Stars was a perfect indication of this. Yes, Henrik Lundqvist was not good either, but the defense was and has been even worse.

Vigneault’s unending defense of players like Dan Girardi and Kevin Klein equivalates to the number of times Ross tries to legitimize the “we were on a break” argument with Rachel in the later seasons of “Friends,” according to our resident “Friends” expert Karly Redpath.

To people who haven’t watched the Rangers play much this year and wonder how a team with the names it has in goal (Lundqvist) and defensively (Ryan McDonagh) and the amount of points they have collected so far this season are bad in their own zone, here are a list of things that are better than the New York Rangers defense right now.

Derek Stepan’s Hair

Even thought the team’s 1A center is only 26-years-old, the Minnesota native is beginning to go bald. How is his hair better at its job than the New York Rangers’ defense? Well, at least he still has some hair and hasn’t gone completely bald. The defense is completely out of the equation at this point with the Rangers.

A Broken Stick, Laying on the Ice

The broken stick on the ice is probably more of a threat to opposing forwards than the Rangers’ defensive unit. At least the stick can interrupt passes and make you think twice about making a play that appears to be “there.” The broken stick always seems to be in a great position for the defending team too. Rangers defenders can’t say the same.

The Little Rangers

No, I’m not talking about Mats Zuccarello.

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During the first intermission of most Rangers games at Madison Square Garden, the organization has what they call the “Little Rangers,” a bunch of youth hockey players and their teams who can sign up and play a mini game during the break in the action. Even though most of these kids are probably 10 years old or younger, they could probably still play some better shut down defense than the current Rangers staff.

Tanner Glass

Nah, just kidding…

Suspensions Given out by the NHL Department of Player Safety

While the Department of Player Safety is very inconsistent and doesn’t suspend everybody that should be suspended for dirty hits, at least most of the time they do suspend the players who warrant it–the lengths of these suspensions are a whole different issue. So while they are semi-consistent with their job, the Rangers defense is extremely consistent; consistently awful.

And the list goes on and on.

If the Rangers want to compete this season and in years down the road, the right move to make is to completely gut the defense of everything but Ryan McDonagh and Brady Skjei. Maybe the best move to make is waiting until the offseason to redesign the top six but the caveat to that is it is another season down the tube, and Henrik Lundqvist isn’t getting any younger.

The front office has plenty of decisions to make in the coming weeks leading up to the trade deadline. Multiple moves on the defensive side of the puck need to be made if they want to make it past the first round of this year’s playoffs.

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