Ricky sure loves his new juicer
From USC Trojans’ C.J. Gable (@CJ_Gable): If you truly desire to receive more of something, start giving it away
Soooo, if you want more points on the scoreboard, you should give up more points to the other team?
From NASCAR’s Joe Nemechek (@FrontRowJoe87): Have you ever been talking to people, thinking things are going to work in your favor, but right at the last minute they don’t?
Yep. It’s called an IRS tax audit.
From New Orleans Saints’ Billy Miller (@BillyMiller83): Do they have twitter in North Korea? Who has a follower from the furthest place from you?
From Jacksonville Jaguars’ Kirk Morrison (@kirkmorrison55): There has been a Yao Ming sighting.
He’s kind of hard to miss, isn’t he?
From Dallas Cowboys’ Tashard Choice (@tchoice23): I feel like a fat kid had to get up and go get me a reeses peanut butter cups. Now I can go to bed
We’re betting Tashard is one of those guys who buys a ton of candy "for the Trick or Treaters" but the candy is gone before Halloween.
From Arizona Cardinals’ Hamza Abdullah (@HamzaAbdullah21): I almost got the scare of my life just now….wheeeeew. Good thing I was wearing (Kirkland Brand) Diapers
Is there a reason why Costco diapers are mentioned? What are we missing here?
From Cincinnati Bengals’ Terrell Owens (@terrellowens): If u’re nt watching this! U’re missing sum hilarious shiznit!!!!
Terrell doesn’t say what he is watching, but we’re guessing he DVR’d the Miami Dolphins’ special teams’ performance from Monday Night Football.
From Miami Dolphins’ Ricky Williams (@RickyWilliams): I’m excited! I got a new juicer today and made cantaloupe juice
Cantaloupes make juice?????
From Baltimore Ravens’ Donte’ Stallworth (@D_Stallworth18): Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind
Either there’s a secret decoder ring required for deciphering Donte’s tweets or he’s just a huge Leonardo Da Vinci fan.
From Miami Heat’s LeBron James (@KingJames): Great start tonight for us tonight! Best thing is we got better. Don’t worry Heat fans, @dwadeofficial [Dwayne Wade] will be just ok.
Dear Heat fans: Start worrying if Wade is "just OK."
From Florida Gators’ Ahmad Black (@AhmadBlack35): Which is better..flying in the sky with fish or swimming in the ocean with pigeons? Just wondering lmao
Is this a philosophical question? WWTTS. What would Tim Tebow say?
From Tennessee Volunteers’ Tauren Poole (@TPoole706): It came to me today that some of these students who don’t come to class are future CEOs, owners, etc!! And that’s professional?? Ok…
It’s called the American Dream, son.
From NASCAR’s Michael Waltrip (@mw55), three tweets:
– Then I ordered an omelet. It had corn in it. It didn’t say it had corn in it. Corn was just in it. I find that strange. There was a lot too
– I like corn. Helps you to monitor your system.
– You have corn and asparagus together, you can really check yourself out !
Too. Much. Information.
From Florida Gators’ Trey Burton (@TreyBurton8): My dawg Bobby just got hit by a chick riding a bike! probably there funniest thing I’ve seen in a while
This must be one of those "you had to be there" stories.
From Jacksonville Jaguars’ Gerald Alexander (@GA42): I sure hope Champ didn’t drop a deuce in the cage while I was gone at work
Champ dropped a deuce. In fact, with a name like Champ, it was probably a monster deuce.
From professional basketball player (in Turkey) Dionte Christmas (@Dchristmas22): Is the whether still bad in Philly??
Check the Whether Channel’s website.
From USC Trojans’ Marc Tyler (@Marc_Tyler26): spanish 3 is the hardest class in the world!!!!!!
Wanna bet Russian 3 is harder?
From Dallas Cowboys’ Dez Bryant (@DEZ_88): Good afternoon everyone….if you all wondering what I’m doing…. I’m just sitting in my locker ready to go to practice
We weren’t aware that a player could actually sit in his locker, but this does prove everything is bigger in Texas (and in Jerry’s Palace.)
From Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen (@OzzieGuillen), two tweets:
– oh my god i love this kenny powers guy jajaja so funny Diablo [devil]
– ill be watching this (bleep) on the plane tomorow yess
So far, Ozzie’s been a good boy on twitter. In fact, we’re shocked. We had him going down in flames within one month of his first tweet.
From USC Trojans coach Lane Kiffin (@LaneKiffin): "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" –Confucius. Off to prepare for meetings & practice Fight On!
Well, that ought to make all the fat cat boosters drop more dough on the program.